SEX SCHOOL GRADUATE
"I suppose you and Tom have some romantic weekend planned," Joyce said to her sister over the phone about the holiday weekend coming up.
"No, just staying home. Probably will watch Road Warrior again. Not much romance in our house these days. Sorry, that sounds pretty disparate, doesn't it?" said Claire. "It is just that sometimes I... "
"You sound like a woman who needs some serious love made to her," Joyce said. Joyce was Doctor Joyce, a sex therapist with an office in Beverly Hills. She was also Claire's older sister, two women who usually shared pretty much everything, but about younger sister's sex life they had never talked. "Tell me," said Joyce, "does Tom give you what you need as a woman?"
"Tom is a good provider," Claire said, evading the question completely.
"That is code speak for, he isn't much in the bedroom," said Joyce. "Forgive me for being so personal, but is Tom lacking in bedroom skills?"
"Tom is a 'come quick and go to sleep' kind of guy. Romance is not his forte. Working on cars is more his speed. He is a nice guy, but he never learned where the clitoris is, or cared, really."
"But he could learn. He is a good person, I know that. You know, that is what we do here, right? We teach guys how to have good sex. We show guys how to give "good fucking" to their wives and girlfriends That is what my degree is in you know." She laughed. Sister, let me help," Joyce said.
"I don't know. Tom is not a 'take classes kind of guy.' I am not sure he sees a need," Claire said dejectedly. "I have never told him, but he is just not very good at sex. I wouldn't even know how to begin," she said.
"He needs to know he is not making you happy sexually, that he is not meeting your needs," she said. "You need to let him know. Let me send you some articles that address that. I have some that pose the question to men, 'Is your wife really satisfied in the bedroom?' Maybe they will get him to question it himself. It is best if it comes from him," Joyce said to her sister.
The two magazines Joyce sent her sister contained many appropriate articles, like: "Is Your Husband Lacking In Bedroom Skills: How To Help Him"; and "Spicing Things Up: Letting Him Know Without Hurting His Feelings." Joyce said, "Let him know you're reading these, let him take the hint. He usually is reasonable, but if he doesn't care, we need to try another approach," she said.
Claire read the articles and they hit the problem on the nose. She was sure Tom had no idea he was so bad in the bedroom. She figured he thought he was pretty good at pleasing a woman. After all, she had never complained. The fact was, the articles had it perfect. The men just didn't know what they thought they did. Claire read a few of the articles and she hoped Tom would see the magazines and ask about what was in them. If he didn't, she might have to mention them herself. She wasn't sure how that would go, but Joyce was right, unless she put out some effort, things would not change. The fact that Tom thought he was a good lover, she knew meant that nothing would change without her doing something about it. It was up to her.
Three day after she brought them home he saw them on the nightstand. "What'cha reading?" he said in his usual congenital manner, picking them up and leafing through the pages.
"Joyce gave me those," she said. "There are a couple of interesting articles on married couples and their sex lives, just how really compatible people actually are. You ought to read them. You might be interested," she said cautiously.
He read the title of one. "Husbands who think they're hot but who're not," he read aloud. "Anybody we know?" he asked, looking up. Tom was not a tyrant, but he certainly fit the bill of the article.
"Tell me," he said, "Baby, is this me?"
"Sometimes," she said softly.
"Sometimes I am insensitive and clueless?" he said sincerely.
"Well, mostly," she said as tactful as possible. "But you can learn," she added.
"How? Is there a school for dumbass husbands," he asked, seriously bewildered.
"That is what Joyce does at her clinic."
"My sister-in-law would teach me how to make love like a caring husband should?" he said.
"She has surrogate professionals who work with husbands who want to learn about sex," Claire explained.
"They do whatever is necessary. They work with husbands and are sex mentors. They have instructive sex sessions and teach the husbands how to give great sex."
"And you would be okay with that?" he asked.
"It would be instructive sex, not just fucking," Claire said with a smile. "It may be fun, actually. No, I wouldn't mind that. I could benefit from it," she said with a smile. "I would be crazy to object to that, right?"
"So, I really have been a boor in the bedroom? Truthfully? Tell me."
"Only in the bedroom," she said diplomatically. "Not as a husband. If I thought you wouldn't try, I wouldn't bring it up. You want to give Joyce's system a try?"
Tom was silent for a minute. "Of course I want to be better. I am so sorry for not giving you what you need. I have been so dense. Can you forgive me, sweetheart?"
"If I didn't love you I wouldn't even try," she said. "That you are willing to try is so endearing. I do love you," she added.
"I feel like such a jerk, like all the guys I ridiculed all these years," he said. "I guess it makes it even worse that I didn't have a clue. Like working on a car, but not caring to use the manual."
"The important thing is that you care," she said, "and you're willing to try."
Tom swallowed his pride and went to see Dr. Joyce at her sex clinic. When he sat in front of Dr. Joyce, his sister-in-law, in her office, he smiled and said, "This is so embarrassing, to find out I am not Casanova in the bedroom."
"You are to be commended for coming and trying to change that," she said. "That is what we do here. We will work to teach you how to be what Claire needs and help you give her what makes for a happy wife."
"Happy wife, happy life?" he said. She smiled.
After some chitchat about the family, a few awkward moments, and some laughs about his jokes about cluelessness, she said, "You will be assigned to Elaine. She will be your coach and will teach you what a woman wants and what you can do to make her enjoy sex with you. She is free to do whatever it takes to teach you, and she will do anything you like, absolutely anything."
The next week Tom met Elaine. She was about thirty, probably about 112 pounds, with shoulder length auburn hair, and a very attractive smile. She explained that what they were about to do was instruction, exercises to educate him about sex and the woman's body, and not romantic in nature. He should tell her if he thought he could separate sex from emotion.
"I need to let you lead me to what I need to know," he said. "Can I keep from falling for you? Yes, I believe so. I will do my best. I did have a crush on my fourth grade teacher, and she was also out of bounds." He laughed, and she just smiled at his lame joke.
"First, we'll start with anatomy," she said pulling down a chart of a naked female and a graph of the vulva in one corner. "Much of what we'll do will be nude. Do you have any problem with that?" He said he may have one problem being naked with an attractive woman, but she seemed to not be amused by his joke or his erection anxiety. He decided right then that humor was probably not going to help him there.
She went through the diagram of the female sex organ. She asked him to identify the parts of the vulva as she read them off. She asked him to point to the labia minor, the labia major, and then the clitoris, which he was embarrassed that he wasn't sure of. She showed him the clitoris on the chart, then told him she would show him on herself when they were naked. She seemed completely comfortable and relaxed about showing him on herself.
She began taking off her clothes and asked him to get undressed as well. When they were both nude, she sat on a stool and arranged it in from of a lower seat before the stool. Once she was on the stool, she indicated he should sit in front of her so he could see her pubic area as she sat with her legs spread for him to study her pubic area.
She opened her labia with two fingers and pointed to her clitoris with the pointer finger of her other hand. This is the clitoris and the clitoral hood. She gave him some hand sanitizer. "I want you to feel here for the nub that indicates where the clitoris rises above the skin and actually gets erect when stimulated. You will learn to stimulate me later in the lesson. Eventually, you will learn how best to use your fingers and tongue on the clitoral hood and the labia major.
She pointed out on herself the vulva vestibule, the labia major, minor, and urethral opening. She explained the the key to pleasuring the vagina was going slow and asking your partner what feels best. "You need to know the vulva intimately. You also need to know what your partner likes," she said.
"I want you to touch me and feel the clitoris, see how the labia moves with your fingers and tongue. The labia lips become engorged and swollen as she becomes aroused. Put your fingers into me and feel the walls of my vagina. See how soft and pliable? Well they are sensitive and will adjust to the size of your penis. No penis is as large as a child's head, so size is more mental than physical."
She asked Tom to change places with her so she could focus on his penis. "You need to become very familiar with your own genitals. Do you masturbate?" she asked him casually. He was uneasy telling her that he masturbated, but she said she hoped that he did, that it was a healthy way to get to know your penis and your own needs.
"I do," he said hesitantly, "occasionally," being rather uncomfortable admitting it.
"I hope you will do it at least once a day. Homework," she said with a grin.
"Okay," he said. "So I should?"
"Right, you should," she said.
"We were always told we shouldn't. That it was an immoral thing to do. You know, kind of a gay thing," he said.
"Gays urinate. That doesn't mean urination is a homosexual act," she said. "I want you to take hold of your penis. Get a firm grip. Find out what feels good. Let your wife hold it," she told him. "Show her how you like. Tell her what feels best to you. Ask her to touch it with her tongue."
Then she showed him how his wife should pleasure it orally, doing it herself unselfconsciously. After doing that she said, "I will see you next week, since we are out of time."
