When Lee finally did come, nearly suffocating me in the warm clasp of her thighs around my head, she lay back on the couch and I rested my cheek on her stomach. Her hand ruffled through my hair and I looked up at her. Her intense blue-eyed gaze, which had entranced me and captivated me since she'd first arrived on the Vineyard, focused slowly on me. I saw her look of sated lust, and I kissed her belly, but there was something else in her eyes, too. An emptiness that I hadn't seen before.
I knew what it was, and I crawled up off my knees and sank down beside her on the couch. My cock, which had risen again while I tongued her to her orgasm, began to subside. I reached out and stroked the blonde locks off her forehead. She turned to me, and the clear blue of her stare clouded over. Crystal droplets formed at the corner of her eyes and swelled to run over her cheeks.
"Oh, fuck. I know, Lee. Sandy. What are we going to do now?"
"I don't know," she said. "I don't know." She slid over and threw her arms around me, snuggling into me. I felt her tears dropping onto my chest and running down to my navel. I was as despondent as she was, but still her soft, warm skin against mine, caressing me, drew me to her. I wrapped her in my arms and pulled her body tight to mine.
I guess we fell asleep. When I came around, the sun was setting and the living-room was filled with shadows. I slipped from Lee's embrace and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. While the tap ran, I bent forward and put my head in my hands.
"Oh, shit, shit, shit. I'm fucked." Yeah. Fucked. That was what got me here. Fucking. Fucking Lee. Fucking up my life. Oh, god. Lee's words echoed through me as I asked myself what I was going to do. "I don't know. I don't know." Those three short words were a litany, repeating themselves over and over in my head. "I don't know."
And then there was the other question. The one I had to stare in the face and answer as honestly as I could:
How had I gotten myself into this mess in the first place?
"I don't know," wasn't going to cut it here, I knew. I had, or had had, as near a perfect life with Sandy as anyone could hope for. We fit. We complemented each other. Yin and yang. Sun and moon. Salt and pepper. Sandy intrigued me endlessly. She loved me passionately. She satisfied me, sexually and intellectually.
So how had I gotten into this mess? Because I was a horn-dog. A selfish, horny, ego-inflated, horny, weak, horny idiot. I had the love of one woman and figured I'd go for two. Why? Was Lee so beautiful, so fantastic, that I had to put my relationship on the line to have her, too?
Wait a second. As long as I'm trying to be honest with myself: yes. Lee is absolutely, stunningly, eye-popping gorgeous. And the frank desire I see in her blue eyes when she looks at me is immensely, intensely exciting. Something so raw and direct that it's way outside of my experience. And to continue my new-found honesty, it's immensely, intensely flattering. That's my excuse.
That's my excuse?
Oh, fuck. I realized how lame that all sounded. Examining myself like this was too hard. Too damning. Easier to go back to "I don't know."
I was slumped there over the counter, I-don't-know-ing myself to death, when Lee's arms surrounded me. She leaned into me and held me tight from behind. Goddam it, I'd seriously screwed up my whole life chasing after her. Or being chased. Whatever. But the touch of her skin on mine, the feel of her big soft breasts pressing into my back, the heat of her thighs against me, were a siren call to my over-taxed mind. The insanity of the situation seemed clear to me, but the blood flooding into my stiffening prick must have drained directly from my brain, leaving it empty.
