This is the story of a woman named Samantha. From a distance, as a by-stander, you would see silky straight shiny hair. Bangs that will never go out of style. High cheek bones, pale skin, and red lipstick that attracts more attention than she may realize. The brilliant smile that frequents her face only slightly counters the intimidation of her sharp attractive features. The kind of woman you could stare at all day hoping to talk with and then find yourself unable to speak when she finally gives you that opportunity. Men and women alike gaze constantly in her direction whenever she is in the room. And she is never ever alone.
What I realize as I look at her is how her looks alone make her unapproachable, untouchable. They cause me instantly to write off ever really knowing her. The jealous parts of my mind make assumptions about the bitch she must be, conditioned by the attention she gets from anyone she wants. And yet, in that smile, I see something that tells me she isn't corrupted by it and that only adds to her allure.
I started bar-tending at a dive in Charleston three years ago. Since moving here, I've worked my way up to a classier bar called 'the Olive'. Somehow I miss the rowdy regulars and the unpretentious crowd even if the money was shitty. But this place has a different set of people to observe.
Many people appear to have it all together. Men especially enjoy giving off that vibe and many a female fall right into the arms of that fake security. There is only a small percentage of the population who seem to have and need more than that. You can see it in a person's face. Working around people I tend to observe and look for this quality, wondering what makes it exist in some and not others. How some seem to be so content with simplicity and almost require it to function, using the poison I serve them to cover the unflattering aspects of life.
I know better than to place her on a pedestal. People are just people. But she has something that I want. Not the good-looks and sexy legs, the grace and finesse and people who love her. It isn't any of those things that I truly crave. It is that confidence. I have seen plenty of attractive people cower when entering a conversation, or overexploit and behave as complete assholes. But she knows what she is, knows how others see her, and lives comfortably in a world she doesn't quite fit into. It's like she has accepted a certain loneliness and has found a way to enjoy as much of the world as she can while share some of what she is.
