I'd been cruising around with the DriveU app activated for nearly an hour, and no riders. This was going to be a slow night, I just knew it. I parked and went into the Actor's Equity Local to see if anything was open tomorrow. If I could audition, I'd call it a night to get some sleep. If not, I'd spend the evening hoping for some DriveU customers.
A couple of things on Thursday, but nothing for tomorrow. A Saturday listing caught my eye: "Men to play Roman Slaves at auction for bachelorette party. Must be into realism. $800 for 4 hours."
Realism? Meaning what, that we're sold into slavery? That we're in costume? Whatever that was supposed to mean, I knew what $800 meant. It meant rent paid and food on the table.
I called the number. It was an answering service, but they knew enough to tell me to go to 853 West St. between nine and eleven tomorrow where I could interview and get more details. So the evening wasn't a total bust.
My lucky streak must have started because not ten minutes after I got back into the car I was first to grab an airport run. Turned out to be $55 fare with a $10 tip. That would raise my hourly wages for today to maybe $8, still a lousy way to try to make a living no matter how lucky I got. Maybe I'd be better off as a Roman Slave?
I got to the office about 9:30 and took one of the two empty chairs. There were already a half-dozen guys ahead of me. None of them looked very Roman, not that I knew what that was exactly, and maybe I didn't either.
Finally at 11:15 my name was called and I went into the room. It was tiny, barely big enough for the two chairs, which were all the furniture there was. There was a young woman, more cute than pretty, with short brown hair and nice legs. She was scrolling a tablet.
"I'm Darcy," she said, looking up. "And you're Andy Miller, right?"
"Right," I said. "Here for the bachelorette party job?"
She poked on her tablet a few times. "OK, yeah, I see that here. Sorry, but I do lots of parties. Did anybody tell you what this was?"
"No," I said. "I just saw a posting and was told to show up here."
"That's fine," she said. "I'll just tell you what it says here. It's a Roman-themed bachelorette party, where the men pose as Roman slaves. There's a pretend auction, with the money going to the Oak Hill Women's Shelter."
"So, what, I act like a Roman slave?" I asked. That didn't seem too hard. I was guessing the partying girls wouldn't know how Roman slaves were supposed to act.
"More or less."
I remembered what I wanted to ask about. "What did the posting mean by realism?"
Darcy looked at her tablet. "You'll be dressed in a skimpy costume, and there might be some touching. You know, bachelorette party stuff. That's all I really have here. If you stay for the entire four hours and comply with their instructions, you'll be paid $800 at the end of the evening. Any tips you keep."
I thought about the touching part. I'd seen videos of bachelorette parties, and I knew they could get pretty raunchy. But, I wasn't a stripper, just an actor, so I assumed it would just be minor stuff. I mostly thought about the money.
"OK," I said.
Darcy sat down. I started to sit, but she said, "No, I need you to strip to your briefs so I can check you out. These bachelorettes can be pretty particular."
This was unlike any interview I'd ever had. But Darcy seemed professional enough. I undressed, putting my clothes on the empty chair. I knew I'd pass. I kept myself in shape for my acting, such that it was, and my six-two frame was pretty ripped.
"Stand where I can see you," said Darcy. "Facing me, hands behind your back."
I did as I was told. Darcy looked me over. "Turn around, hands above your head," she said.
Again, I followed her directions.
"Face me once more and come closer," said Darcy.
I did so. Before I could react, she pulled down the front of my briefs and took a long look at my cock. Then she pulled them back up.
"You'll do, thank you," she said. "Get dressed, have a seat, and I'll be back in a few minutes."
Holy fuck, I thought. This woman had just seen me naked. I don't think that had ever happened to me before. I've had sex, but in dim light. Never anything like this! At least it was only for a few seconds. I finished getting dressed and sat down.
"Congratulations, you've qualified," said Darcy, now back in the room and sitting next to me. "Look this contract over and sign, and I'll give you the particulars." She handed me a bunch of pages stapled together.
I started to read, but it was impossible. Reading wasn't my thing, and this was some kind of legalese. Near as I could tell, they wanted me to agree to do whatever they wanted. They wanted a release from liability, which was normal for acting jobs.
Darcy must have seen my frustration. "It's normal stuff, Andy. The girls will just want to pretend that you're really a slave. But not really a slave, because it's only for a few hours. And, of course, because you get paid." She giggled.
I looked at the papers again. Something about nudity. But I'd seen that in acting contracts before. Probably just for some extra legal protection, something the lawyers insisted on adding.
What the hell, I thought. I signed the papers and gave them back to Darcy.
"Great, Andy," she said. "Here's your copy." She handed some stapled papers to me. "On the first page, you'll find the address and time. That's when you need to be there. Don't be late. That's very important. Any questions?"
"Yeah, well, I'm still not sure exactly what I'm supposed to do."
"Not a problem. They'll be a party manager there who will explain it all to you. That's why you need to be on time. Don't worry, Andy. You'll be fine."
She got up, which I took as my cue to leave. We shook hands in a businesslike way. I remembered that she'd taken a look at my penis. But she'd done that in a businesslike way, too.
As the week went on I was even more happy to have this party gig than I was on Tuesday. The driving game continued to be lousy. Maybe the ride-sharing idea was a good one, but definitely not for the drivers. I started to think I'd rather be a Roman slave than a DriveU slave. No wonder they were losing money.
Finally, it was Saturday. I took the Q to 86th St. and walked to 1st Ave. The building was half-a-block south. I opened the unlocked door and took the steps to the third floor, where there was a large party room. Somebody had gone to a lot of trouble to make it look Roman, or at least as Roman things looked in the movies. Lots of fake columns and pools.
A tall, slim blonde saw me enter and approached. "You are?" she asked. She was wearing a tunic-like dress, or whatever you'd call it. It looked Roman. Maybe shorter than what the Roman women wore. Combination of Roman and sleek East-side, I didn't know. She had really great-looking legs. No bra. Maybe bras hadn't been yet invented?
"Andy Miller."
She looked at her clipboard. "Right. Follow me." She didn't bother giving me her name.
I followed her through a door to a much smaller room where two other men were already undressing.
"Take off everything but your shorts. Put your things in one of the lockers. You choose the combination, but make it something you won't forget. Make sure you use the restroom. Then come out to the forum."
"The forum?" I asked.
"You'll see it. Columns with some beams overhead. The other men are there."
For the second time in a week, I stripped to my shorts. I locked up my stuff and went back to the larger room. There were women all about setting things up, but they didn't even look up as I passed by wearing only shorts. I guess they were used to prospective slaves.
The tall blonde was directing another woman as she was positioning a man against a wooden beam about three feet off the floor. The other woman had curly red hair and was also wearing one of those short tunics.
The blonde saw me and came over. "OK, Andy, you'll be over here." She patted a spot on the beam about eight feet from the other man. "Carrie!" she called. A woman came over. "You do Andy here."
"Hi, Andy," said Carrie, the only person whose name I knew. She was almost as great looking as the nameless first woman, but a little slimmer, which is the way I like women. Her breasts could barely stay inside her little tunic. "Just lean against the beam so I can tie you up." She put a cord over my head that held a card with a number on it. I was to be slave #2.
"Tie me up?" I didn't like that at all. I could see what she meant. The other guy by this time had his arms tied to the overhead beam. Something was being wrapped around his waist.
Carrie tied ropes to each of my wrists and then climbed on a stool to attach each end to a ring on the overhead beam. So that's what they meant by realism! We were going to be slaves tied up at the forum for the auction that Darcy had talked about.
By the time my arms were secured, I could see a third man being led to his position.
"Now the loin flaps," said Carrie, as she put some sort of garment around my waist. The belt was a rope, and there was a beige-colored cloth flap in the front, maybe the size of a sheet of paper, and a similar flap in the back. Very authentic, I thought. I was starting to appreciate how thorough this whole thing was.