Many thanks to whoredinarygirl for first editing and improving this story.
Total supplication to the amazing
DawnJ
and
Secretsxywriter
. Both author/editors have story pages that look like Monopoly boards because of the red hotels all over them. But the red H's stand for "hot," and they're awarded because readers have voted the stories among the highest scores on this site. Whatever you're looking for, from interesting plots and points of view to skin-tingling sexual ecstasy, their shining stories leave this writer's in the shade.
DawnJ wasn't afraid to point out gaping holes in the plot that could only be closed with extensive rewriting. The result is almost a new story with the same characters and circumstances that's vastly superior to the one it replaces.
I expected my final editor to find a few small errors to clean up before I posted the re-edited story, but Secretsxywriter didn't know that and proceeded to make important changes, catch awkward mistakes and burnish the story so thoroughly that I was flabbergasted.
"You have to break the pattern," Serena was saying. "If you think you can keep doing the same things and get different results, it means you're crazy."
I was pretending to listen and hoping she couldn't tell I was tuning her out. She was my oldest and closest friend. I could always cry on her shoulder. She was loyal and would never hesitate to help me out of a jam.
In the last few years, I've had to remind myself a lot about her good points because some of her other qualities were getting hard to handle.
It wasn't just the platitudes that she dispensed as advice on how to improve myself. Her attitude of superiority infuriated me. She always used herself as an example to illustrate the right way to do something. I was always the illustration of the wrong way.
Serena's condescension was particularly galling when it came to our love lives. As far as I could see, there wasn't much difference between us. I couldn't find a good man, and she couldn't hold onto one. But that's not how Serena saw it.
"When you engage in risky behavior, you're asking to get hurt," she continued. "You're putting yourself in situations that have a high probability of getting you in trouble. If you're dressed slutty and walking down a deserted street in a bad part of town, you're asking for something bad to happen to you. There's no one else to blame when it happens."
"Okay," I said. "I admit I get carried away if he's good-looking and puts on a believable act. But you spent two years with Harvey, and now we're both sitting here without a man in our lives. If I had followed your advice, how would it have turned out any different?"
My logic only stopped her for a second.
"I have a man in my life," she said. "Anyway, what happened with Harvey has nothing to do with what I'm talking about."
She wanted to get back to giving advice. But this was the first interesting thing I had heard all night. I wasn't going to let it go.
"What do you mean you have a man in your life? Who is he?"
"You don't know him. He only arrived in town a couple of weeks ago. I'm meeting him later."
"Is that why you're dressed like that?"
I had asked her earlier about why she was showing so much cleavage, her skirt was up to her ass and her makeup was heavy enough for a streetwalker. She had brushed aside my questions.
"Blade is an art photographer, and some top critics have praised his photos," she said. "Not everyone gets him. Sometimes he goes for an exaggerated effect with his models and lighting. It's one of the things that makes him unique. He wanted to see if I could pull this look off."
"Blade is an unusual name, but I've heard it recently. What do you know about him?"
"He's legit, if that's what you mean," she said. "He's got a successful website, and lot of galleries in New York sell his photos."
"How did you meet him?"
"He was at this bar where I sometimes go with friends from the office after work. I can't tell you much about him yet, because tonight is only the second time I'm going out with him."
"Blade," I repeated.
An alarm was going off in my head. I felt like warning Serena about Blade, but I couldn't think of a good reason why. I could imagine her look if I told her it was my intuition. I changed the subject.
"Let's get back to Harvey. You have to admit, you wasted two years with him."
"I didn't waste two years. It was a learning experience. I found out what I wanted in a man. And what I didn't want."
"What more could you want than what Harvey gave you? He was smart, funny, kind and successful. He worshipped the ground you walked on. He would do anything you asked. Not to mention, he was a hunk. Now you've lost him."
"I dumped him," she said emphatically. "I didn't lose him."
"I know. And it nearly destroyed him. A couple of his friends told me you were really cruel. He must have told Nate what you said."
"That's no excuse for how Nate acted," Serena mumbled.
We had run into Nate, the general manager, on our way to the lounge in the elegant new boutique hotel. When I had greeted him, he had almost growled his reply while staring daggers at Serena.
"Nate is one of Harvey's closest buddies," I reminded her. "He probably knows what you did, even though I don't."
Serena let out an exasperated sigh.
"All right, Reese, I'll tell you. It's not a big deal. I told Harvey he was a pathetic loser and needed to get hormone injections because he had no balls. I said I was tired of dominating him, and he needed to find someone who would enjoy having a submissive wimp fawning over her."
"You didn't!"
I almost fell off my chair.
"Your shock shows why I was right in getting rid of him," she said. "I didn't do anything to him in public. It was his idea to tell his friends what I said."
"You verbally emasculated him!"
"I just told him what he needed to hear. It was for his own good. Maybe it will help him change so he won't let women run all over him."
"Like you did?"
She pretended she didn't hear me and kept talking.
"I heard he's recovered and dating again, so maybe it worked. I hope so. He's a great guy in many ways. We had some wonderful times together."
Her voice had become softer, and the look on her face was no longer one of stubborn superiority.
"Yes, you sure did him a big favor."
I exaggerated the sarcasm in my voice hoping she would get it.
"After four months of heavy therapy and medication, he's no longer suicidal. No wonder Nate looked at you like that. All of Harvey's friends must hate your guts."
Serena didn't reply. I looked at her face. She no longer seemed sure of herself.
I hesitated for a moment, but I was still seething about what she had said to Harvey, so I let loose.
"For a woman who always knows what's best for everyone, you certainly messed up, Serena. How could you get him so wrong? All the people he works with will tell you the same thing. He's one of the most macho guys there is.
"He's drives himself hard, and he's willing to do anything short of being sleazy or unethical to come out on top. He doesn't put up with crap from anyone. That's why we were amazed that he took what you dished out."
Serena crossed her arms and opened her mouth as though to speak.
I held up my hand. She'd had her chance. Now it was my turn.
"His only weakness was that he was hopelessly in love with you. Whatever you did, he defended it. Even if you weren't around and someone said something that might be interpreted as being slightly critical of you, he'd jump on the person."
She pressed her lips together as I continued.
"Harvey's not stupid. He knows the real you. But he forgives everything you do. Even things he'd never let anyone else get away with.
"I can't understand how you could have misjudged him so badly. Every woman who knows him, including me, was envious of you. You took him for granted. One thing I'm sure of: You're never going to find a man like him again."
As I finished, I noticed Serena was listening closely and looking thoughtful. She was quiet for a few moments before she spoke in a quavering voice that I had never heard from her before.
"Listen, Reese, I have been thinking about what happened. I agree that I was too hard on Harvey. Once I work up a head of steam, it's hard for me to stop. He didn't deserve what I did to him. I really loved him for a long time. You know what? I still love him. I realize that now, and I wish I could undo what I did.
"You're right. I'll probably regret what I did for the rest of my life. When you see him again, please tell him that I'm sorry about everything."
She paused, and I could see her expression changing as she struggled to take hold of herself. She shrugged off her feelings, and when she spoke again, her voice had changed back to one of condescension.
"There's no use crying over spilled milk. I squashed him like an insect, and there's no way he can get past that. I need to move on. That's why it was exciting to meet Blade. He's so different from Harvey. Maybe it's a rebound thing, but it could be just what I need right now. I've got to go to the ladies' room."
