Radio Radio

(Author's notes: This is a work of fiction. In this fantasy, nobody is worried about STDs. In real life, all non-monogamous sex should be practiced using accepted safe-sex precautions.

All persons involved in sexual activity are at least 18 years old.)

: : : : :

Where'd everybody go?

One minute, I was chatting with an old friend and his roommates. The next minute, ghost town!

I'm Kayla. I just finished my sophomore year in college. My friends and I had lined up summer jobs at a restaurant on the coast, but I needed to take a summer class to make up for one I dropped in the fall semester, so it looked like I was going to miss out on summer at the beach.

Then I found a seminar that awarded full credits. It was four full days, a fifth half-day, instead of three hours a day for six weeks. It looked far less strenuous than a classroom course, but more important, it was over in one week, so I wouldn't have to miss out on our summer plans. The restaurant manager said I could take that week off, as long as I arranged to have someone cover for me, and my friends said they would do that.

The seminar took place in Dallas. I thought I remembered that was where my friend Adam lived, so I emailed him. It turned out he not only lived there, he lived near the venue. Although he's a couple of years older than me, Adam and I grew up together -- his family lived three doors down from mine. He is one of those great friends that a person only gets a few of -- it doesn't matter how long it's been since we've seen each other, it always feels like it was yesterday. I flew in on Sunday, and he insisted on picking me up at the airport. We had dinner, and when I told him I wasn't expecting any homework, we made plans to spend evenings together.

My seminar ran until 4:00 daily. Adam worked until 4:30, and the hotel was halfway home from his job, so Monday afternoon he picked me up on his way home. We stopped by his apartment so he could change out of his work clothes for dinner.

Adam's apartment was spectacular, three bedrooms on the third floor, on a hill overlooking a creek meandering through a park and a golf course. I met his roommates, who both seemed like great guys. We opened beers, and were discussing whether to eat out or order in, when all of a sudden, they vanished. Crickets. Tumbleweeds.

All the bedroom doors were shut, and while I didn't want to barge in on anyone, I was a bit irritated by their rudeness. From behind one of the closed doors, I heard the lonesome whine of a steel guitar. Really? Adam HATES country music. I heard three voices through the door, whispering, "We shouldn't just abandon her," "Okay, YOU explain it," and "Hopefully it'll be a quick one."

WTF?

Being careful not to creak the floor, I pressed my ear to the door. The song ended, and this is what I heard:

DJ, "This is Buddy Scott on K Country 101, and it's time for Traffic Strip. Who's on the line?"

Billy, "This is Billy."

DJ, "And who's with you Billy?"

Billy, "Kristen."

DJ, "Billy and Kristen, welcome. Kristen, do you understand the rules?"

Kristen, "Yeah."

DJ, "What are you driving, Billy?"

Billy, "A red Mustang."

DJ, "What are the last 2 digits of your license number?"

Billy, "3 7."

DJ, "Okay, listeners, we have a red Mustang, plate ends in 3 7. When you see that car, honk three times. Every time one of you honks, Kristen takes off a piece of clothing. Let's get her naked! Billy, you got all the windows down, so we can hear horns?"

Billy, "I got the TOP down."

DJ, "That'll work! Kristen, YOUR top's gonna be down in a few minutes, right?"

Kristen (squeals and laughs)

DJ, "Billy, where are you now?"

Billy, "We're on Northwest Highway, at the red light at Abrams."

DJ, "Which way are you headed?"

Billy, "West."

DJ, "All right. Listeners, heads up. It's Traffic Strip on K Country 101. If you see a red Mustang convertible, top down, plate ends in 3 7, going west on Northwest Highway at Abrams, honk three times. Let's get Kristen's clothes off! We start when the light turns green."

Billy, "It just changed. We're moving."

DJ, "Billy, describe Kristen to us."

Billy, "She's real pretty, medium height, brown hair."

DJ, "Long hair?"

Billy, "I wouldn't say long, it's down to her shoulders."

DJ, "Is she slender, heavy, what?"

Billy, "She's not heavy at all, she's --"

(off mic) honk -- honk -- honk

DJ, "There's three honks! That didn't take long. Kristen, what are you going to take off?"

Kristen, "Shoes."

DJ, "Alright, good placed to start. If you're wearing any socks, shoes and socks come off together."

Kristen, "Got it."

(off mic) honk -- honk -- honk

DJ, "Billy, I heard three honks, but it sounded like the same horn as a minute ago."

Billy, "Yeah, it was the same car."

DJ, "Thank you, listener, we want to hurry up and get Kristen naked, too, but the rules are, only one item of clothing per car. Billy, where are you now?"

Billy, "Crossing over highway 75."

DJ, "Listeners, this is your opportunity. Red Mustang convertible, tag ending 3 7, going west on Northwest Highway, just crossed 75. Billy, back to Kristen. She have a good figure?"

Billy, "I think so. She always wears kind of baggy clothes, though, so I'm not positive."

DJ, "Well, you're about to find out. She's not your girlfriend?"

Billy, "No, just a friend."

DJ, "Neighbor, work?"

Billy, "Work, but we also live near each other. We ride in together most days."

DJ, "Where are you now?"

Billy, "At a red light at Hillcrest."

DJ, "All right, listeners, here's your chance. It's Traffic Strip on K Country 101. You're looking for a red Mustang convertible, license tag ends in 3 7, going west on Northwest Highway at Hillcrest. When you see it, give us three quick honks. We've already got Kristin's shoes off, let's get her out of the rest of those uncomfortable clothes!"

Billy, "Light's green, we're moving."

DJ, "Let's have you turn right when you get to Preston. What's Kristen wearing?"

Billy, "She's got on a long-sleeve shirt --"

DJ, "Button-up, or pullover?"

Billy, "Button-up. It's plaid, blue and white, with some green and purple."

DJ, "Is it sexy?"

Billy, "It's nice."

DJ, chuckling, "Oh, okay, NOT sexy."

Billy, laughing, "I didn't say --"

(off mic) honk -- honk -- honk

DJ, "There's another honk, this one sounded different."

Billy, "Yeah, it was."

DJ, "Kristen, what are you --"

Billy, "She's taking off her jeans."

DJ, "Wow, jeans and a man's shirt. You're really out too impress, aren't you Kristen? Billy, at least are her undies sexy?"

Billy, "I dunno, her shirt's covering them."

DJ, "Kristen, lift up your shirt for Billy--"

Kristen, laughing, "You just drive, Billy, don't wreck your Mustang."

DJ, "Okay, okay, he's going to see them soon enough. Billy, that man's shirt, does she have it buttoned all the way to the top?"

Billy, laughing, "No, the top buttons are open, two or three of 'em. Oh, nice! She undid the next one, she's holding the neck open for me."

DJ, "She have nice cleavage?"

Billy, "Yeah. Real nice."

DJ, "Where are you now?"

Billy, "We just pulled up to the light at Preston, we're in front. I'll turn right as soon as there's a gap."

DJ, "How heavy is traffic?"

Billy, "It's heavy, lots of cars. Okay, there's a gap, I'm going."

DJ, "All right, good, lots of NEW cars around you now. Any of them K Country 101 listeners? It's Traffic Strip, and you're looking for a red Mustang convertible, top down, license ends in 3 7, going north on Preston at Northwest Highway. If you --"

(off mic) honk -- honk -- honk beep -- beep -- beep

DJ, "Billy, we just heard two different honks, didn't we?"

Billy, "Yeah, two different cars."

DJ, "Kristen?"

Kristen (squeals)

DJ, "Kristen, what are you taking off first?"

Kristen, "My shirt."

DJ, "Billy, tell us what you see."

Billy, "She's undoing the buttons, kind of slow. Got a couple more, okay, there's the last one. All right, she's pulling her arm out of one sleeve, now the other one, now it's off. She's wadding up the shirt in her lap."

DJ, "She have on sexy panties, Billy?"

Billy, "I don't know, she's covering them with her shirt."

DJ, "Kristen, where are your shoes and jeans?"

Kristen, "I threw them in the back seat."

DJ, "Then that's where your shirt goes."

Kristen (squeals)

DJ, "Billy, describe her undies."

Billy, "They're real nice, black, with some red sewing on them."

DJ, "Do they match her bra?"

Billy, "Yeah, they're the same. Those Victoria's Secret, Kristen?"

Kristen, laughing, "You just drive, Billy."

DJ, "Now tell us about her figure, Billy."

Billy, "Her legs are real pretty, nice and long, her hips have a nice curve. Her tummy is pretty flat, it has a couple of tiny rolls --"

Kristen, "Billy!"

Billy, "-- that's cuz she's sitting down, I bet it's nice and flat when she's standing. And her, her, um, I'm not sure what I'm allowed to say..."

DJ, "Her bosom?"

Billy, "Her bosom, yeah, her bosom is nice. Bigger'n I expected."

DJ, "Speaking of her chest... Kristen, we heard two honks back there, and you've only taken one item off. What are you going to take off now?"

Kristen, "My bra."

DJ, "Billy, you're our eyes, tell us what you see."

Billy, "She's reaching behind her back. Okay, she undid it, now she's pulling the straps off her shoulders, but she's holding it in place in the front."

DJ, "Don't keep us in suspense, Kristen."

Billy, "Okay, she tossed it in the back seat."

DJ, "How's the view, Billy?"

Billy, "She's covering them with her hands. Now she put her hands down. Damn... they're nice."

DJ, "Careful with your language, Billy, we're on the radio."

Billy, "Sorry. I've never seen her, um, her chest before."

DJ, "Billy, what are we looking at here, grapefruits, oranges, lemons, or fried eggs?"

Billy, "Oh, lemons, I'd say."

Kristen, "Billy!"

Billy, "Large lemons. Maybe small oranges. Yeah, okay, small oranges."

DJ, "They sag any?"

Kristen, "Don't answer that, Billy."

Billy, "No, no sag, nice and firm."

Kristen, "Good answer."

DJ, "Now Billy, there's a lot of words we can't say on the radio, but we can say areolae, how are the areolae?"

Billy, "Big. Big arrolia, arreolluh, aireoley, however you say it. Big and pink. Nice!"

DJ, "You're listening to K Country 101, and this is Traffic Strip. Listeners, we only need one more honk. We've got Billy and Kristen, in a red Mustang, top down, license plate ending in 3 7, going north on Preston. Where on Preston are you now, Billy?"

Billy, "We just hit the red light at Forest."

DJ, "I bet there's a lot of traffic there this time of day."

Billy, "Oh yeah, it's crowded."

DJ, "Kristen, are there a lot of cars around you?"

Kristen, "Yeah, a lot."

DJ, "I wonder how many of them can see down into Billy's car, with the top down, and all."

Kristen, "I don't wanna think about it."

DJ, "I bet you don't. Billy, how's she handling it?"

Billy, "She's all slumped down in the seat."

DJ, "She's not covering herself, is she?"

Billy, "No, she's just sitting as low as she can."

DJ, "How's the view from the driver's seat?"

Billy, "S-w-e-e-e-e-e-e-t!"

DJ, "How about it, listeners, anybody got eyes on that red Mustang? We only need one more honk."

Billy, "The light turned, we're rolling. We're coming up on --"

(off mic) honk -- honk -- honk

Kristen (shrieks)

DJ, "So, Kristen, obviously you know what that means. Billy, what do you see?"

Billy, "She's covering her face with her hands. Okay, now she's reaching for her undies. She's pulling them down, she's lifting her butt up off the seat so she can slide them off. She's got them down to her knees, now she's leaning forward, she's pulling them down her lower legs, now she's stepping out of them. They're off!"

DJ, "Kristen, one last thing..."

Kristen, "I remember."

Billy, "She's holding them up in the air, twirling them around."

DJ, "Good job, Kristen. Billy?"

Billy, "Yeah?"

DJ, "Tell us, Billy, is she a 'natural brunette?'"

Billy, "I can't tell."

DJ, "Straighten up, Kristen, no hiding the good parts."

Billy, "No, it's not that, she's, she's, I'm not sure what I can say here."

DJ, "You can say 'shaved,' Billy."

Billy, "Okay, she's shaved."

DJ, laughing, "Good to know. Kristen, you're almost done."

Kristen, "Almost?"

DJ, "To finish Traffic Strip and be entered in a drawing for the grand prize, that's $10,000, you must either ride all the way home, or for fifteen more minutes, whichever comes first, before you put your clothes back on.

"That's Traffic Strip for today, be sure to join us for another episode of Traffic Strip, every weekday afternoon, here on K Country 101. I'll be staying on the line with Billy and Kristen to be sure they qualify. Here's the latest from Brad Paisley, on K Country 101."

Adam and the guys opened the door, and found me standing there, arms folded, tapping my foot.

Looking sheepish, Adam said, "Oh, hi."

It took me all of dinner to convince them that, one, just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm some naïve, delicate little flower who would wither away if I learned that there was such a things as "nudity" and "sex," and two, I was not even slightly offended by Traffic Strip.

Actually, I was much more than merely "not offended." I was enthralled. I was captivated. I was so jealous of Kristen. My college friends and I -- both genders -- have been to a nude beach twice, skinny dipped in several pools, and been to a couple of parties where many of us ended up dancing naked. The girls and I stripped at a bar (ON the bar) once, and sunned topless on the dorm roof several times this spring -- nude a couple of times.

When I met them two years ago, my friends were far more adventurous than I was. I didn't feel bold enough to take my clothes off in front of other people, but I did it because I didn't want to be the only one who didn't. It turned out, to my surprise, that I find being naked in public quite a thrill. I love it. Even though there was no way I'd get to be on Traffic Strip in my short stay here, all I could think about as I fell asleep that night was how much fun it would be if I could.

We listened together on Tuesday. It was Larry and Cindy, in a Ram SUV. She was his girlfriend, a blonde who sounded like she was not so slender. Buddy Scott teased them because they wouldn't say if Cindy was a "natural" blonde. She had what Larry called, "Big freakin grapefruits," which he said sagged quite a bit. When they got the final honk, he revealed that while she had been a true blonde as a little girl, her actual color now was medium brown, which she lightened, "On her head, that is. Not down there in the wild and woolly jungle." Cindy didn't sound happy about that description.

I looked up K Country 101 on the web, and found that the station was in a hi-rise office building near the hotel -- about a ten minute walk. Wednesday at lunch, I paid them a visit. It was surprisingly low-key -- radio stations always paint pictures of being beehives of excitement, but it wasn't anything like that. There was a single open area, not very large, with a receptionist and two other people sitting at desks, all wearing jeans and concert t-shirts, very laid back. There was a door marked "Announce" with a red light labelled "On Air." I asked for the station manager, and he was one of the t-shirt guys.

"Unfortunately," he said as he blatantly checked me out from head to toe, "Traffic Strip is booked a month in advance. I'd like to help you out, but since you're leaving Saturday, I can't really do anything for you." I walked back to the hotel in time for my next session.

Wednesday's Traffic Strip was Michael and Becky, who were acquaintances, not boyfriend and girlfriend. Becky was the lead singer of a local dance band, and sounded like a freaking bikini model -- slender, oranges, natural blonde.

Over dinner, we discussed whether doing something as sexually-charged as Traffic Strip would lead to sex for a non-couple. Adam thought it would, and one of his roommates agreed, saying, "No way could you do something that hot and not fuck like bunnies."

I said, "I'm not sure about that. The guys all want to, I'm sure, and probably some of the girls, but I think there's many ladies who would not find it arousing." Adam's other roommate agreed with me. He said, "I dated a stripper for a few months. She said that guys don't understand that being naked doesn't always feel sensual."

Thursday, it was Gary and Shiela, a married couple, in a Mini. She was petite, a curly brunette. Gary admitted she had fried eggs, which Shiela said "go well with a little sausage." Gary said he had no idea what she meant by that. He was surprised to see that she had shaved for the occasion.

The guys told me I was lucky, this had been a good week. In an average week, they said, one of the ladies will lock up and not strip -- sometimes not even take off her shoes, although usually it's when it's time for her bra that she freezes. Occasionally, she'll get topless but refuse to lose her panties.

Friday morning, almost 9:00, my first session was winding down. My cell phone rang, showing a local number. Ignoring the scowl from the session leader, I ducked out in the foyer and took the call. A minute later, I called Adam at work on his cell.

"Can you take the afternoon off?"

"I don't know. Why would I want to?" Adam can be rather prickly when he's irritated.

"I need you to pick me up here at the hotel by 2:45."

"Why 2:45?"

"We have to be at K Country 101 by 3:00 to sign some papers."

"What papers?"

"Release forms."

Silence.

"IF you can get off work, we're going to be on Traffic Strip."

Dead silence.

"Adam?"

"Very funny, Kayla. I happen to know they book Traffic Strip weeks in advance."

"They had a cancellation -- the station manager just called me. Somebody had a death in the family or something. I need to know -- if I don't call him back in 15 minutes, he'll call someone else."

"Seriously?"

This time, it was me that didn't say anything.

"See you at 2:45." Click.

: : : : :

DJ, "This is Buddy Scott on K Country 101. And it's time for Traffic Strip. Who's on the line?"

Adam, "This is Adam."

DJ, "And who's with you Adam?"

Adam, "Kayla."

DJ, "Adam and Kayla, welcome. Kayla, do you understand the rules?"

Kayla, "Yup, all clear."

DJ, "Great. Adam, what are you driving?"

Adam, "I borrowed my roommate's '66 Chevelle."

DJ, "Nice ride! Stock?"

Adam, "No. Rims, disk brakes, stereo, big motor, little bit of lift in the back."

DJ, "What color?"

Adam, "Two tone, yellow and white. License plate ends in 9 2."

DJ, "You're answering questions before I ask them -- you must be a regular listener, Adam."

Adam, "Every day."

DJ, "Love that. You see any other hot rod Chevelles out there?"

Adam, "Not any yellow ones."

DJ, laughing, "Then I don't think we'll need the license tag today, I'd say you're distinctive enough. You got all the windows down, so we can hear horns?"

Adam, "You got it, front and back. We're at a red light at Marsh and Valley View, headed north."

DJ, "Alright. Listeners, this is Traffic Strip on K Country 101. We've got Adam and Kayla in a '66 Chevelle, yellow and white two-tone. They're on Marsh at Valley View, heading north. Your job is to find them, and honk three times. Every time we hear honks, Kayla takes off an item of clothing. Anybody in that area, help us out. Let's get Kayla out of those uncomfortable clothes. Right, Kayla?"

Somehow managing not to sound terrified, I said, "Right on!"

DJ, "We'll start when the light turns green. Adam, is Kayla a looker?"

Adam, "She is, she's pretty dang hot. She's wearing some little shorts and a short t-shirt, it doesn't cover her tummy. She's not leaving much to the imagination."