"Are you ready?" the voice in my ear asks, even as I ask Ellie the same. She nods, her expression etched with fear and uncertainty.
"It's not too late to back out," I reassure her.
"Oh God, please don't," the voice says. Sarah is the show's director, and co-conspirator in tonight's mischief.
I can't help feeling a little guilty that I'm putting Ellie through this. Even though I've given her plenty of opportunities to back out, her determination to stay by my side is both romantically endearing and utter folly. "No," she says, calming her nerves with an effort of will. "Let's do this."
I blow her a kiss. If I weren't so worried about my make-up, and hers, I would kiss her for real.
On the screen, the current round of
Prize Or Penalty
is nearing its end. Today it's a rare celebrity special, the prize money going to charities nominated by the studio audience. The only thing contestants get out of it, apart from random mutations, is exposure - of both kinds.
Skin - and media. There's never a shortage of low-grade celebrities (usually former soap stars and ex-reality-TV contestants) desperate for the spotlight.
The format of
Celebrity Prize Or Penalty
is different, however. The early general knowledge rounds are skipped and contestants just play the famous final round itself, starting with ten pieces of clothing and continuing until all five prizes are won.
But also, two contestants play at once, the stage laid out with two rows of golden boxes. Usually, like now, there's a man and a woman. Both are naked, and both have opened all five prizes - and suffered two or three penalties along the way. Eddie Cochran (not the singer) sports huge nipples, almost as big as mine, and fluorescent pink pouting lips. Izzy 'Dizzy' Jones has earned herself a pair of supersized breasts that make mine look positively normal.
They leave the stage to cheers from the audience. Another ten million will be going to charity - a generosity that keeps the regulator quiet on the ethical violations of mutating people for public entertainment.
"Two minutes," Sarah says.
Just enough time, in other words, for me to remove my nipple shields and ease the gold buttplug from my ass.
A quiet drum roll begins. "Only twice in the history of
Prize Or Penalty
has a contestant opened all five penalties," Charlie says. "I'm sure you remember them - two gorgeous girls - please give a warm welcome to our final celebrity contestants, Victoria and Ellie!"
Ellie and I are celebrities purely on the basis of this show. The number of appearances on morning television we've had since then to talk about our lives 'post-PoP' is quite astonishing. Especially me, since Ellie is still shy about her beautiful tail, and neither of us minds me doing naked shoots for magazine spreads. (Not when we burned through Ellie's prize money so quickly, although we did get a lovely house out of it.)
We wave excitedly to the audience as we cross the stage. Although she has grown more confident over the months at walking in high-heeled stilettos, they do inevitably make her look like a stripper on her day off. Of course, when she's naked, she looks even more like a stripper, and I don't complain at all...
For now, though, we're both in high heels, blue button-up shirts and black skirts, but while I am a busty blonde with a daringly short skirt, Ellie is a petite brunette with a long, severe skirt. Before
Prize Or Penalty
changed her life, she seldom wore skirts at all, and never wore high heels, but I must say I like the new her.
"Welcome, Ladies," Charlie says. "May I say you both look irresistible." On cue, Ellie's face scrunches up and she clutches hold of me for support as she almost loses her balance. As a murmur of laughter ripples through the audience, Ellie's face turns bright red. She hates when anyone other than me does that to her. If we hadn't both expected it, I would have been furious. As it is, it just makes me more determined to go through with it.
"Not only are you the only contestants to get five penalties," Charlie continues, "but I believe you're the first contestants ever to play the game twice. Are you so sure your luck will be better this time?"
"No, Charlie," I say, "but we're sharing the risks and rewards tonight. Ten items of clothing between us, and we'll be taking turns to open the boxes."
Charlie's smile falters. "Is that allowed?" he asks quietly.
"Yes, Charlie," I hear Sarah say. "The girls get to nominate another celebrity to play opposite them."
This is not at all in the script, but Charlie recovers swiftly. To the audience he says, "It's not just these gorgeous girls who will be opening boxes." The stage lighting reveals the two sets of boxes behind him. "But who is our mystery guest? Ladies and Gentlemen, even I don't know..."
"It's you, Charlie," Ellie announces loudly, and the audience cheers loudly as Charlie's smile fades into fear.
"I'm not doing this," he hisses into his mike.
"Of course we can't force you, Charlie," Sarah says. "But given the damage it will do to the show, you won't get your bonus if you don't."
The bonus is the major part of his agreed salary. Almost as bad as losing that, I imagine, would be disappointing the crowd. They will see him as a coward if he refuses now. "Fine," he mutters through clenched teeth. Grinning abruptly at the audience, he says, "Well, I'm not a real celebrity, but it's all in a good cause. I'll play."
I cheer along with the audience. "Ten items of clothing, Charlie," I say, and Ellie joins in as I shout: "I don't know, but I think we're -"
The audience completed it: "- overdressed!" Laughter gave way to the ritual chant: "
Strip! Strip! Strip!
"
Around us, crew members arrange two seats on the right for Ellie and me, and one seat on the left for Charlie. Ellie and I perch ourselves on our seats, and a camera zooms in as I reach beneath my shirt to remove my large pink bra; without my nipple shields, the bra is torture. Another stays focussed on Charlie as he stands looking down at himself uncertainly. "I only have seven items," he says.
"Here, Charlie," Ellie says. "Have my stockings." She throws them to him.
"And mine," I add, laughing. "This too." My bra sails through the air to him.