In the Heaven I see, God has absorbed all light into the black hole asphalt streets. They now act only as veins, washing the trash around the skeletons of once thriving businesses.
Angels beckon from shadowed alleyways selling dime bags of salvation that carry you away on clouds of cigarette smoke.
Heaven and Hell is Fremont Street in Las Vegas.
It is light years away from the family oriented fun of the strip. Old town is the original sin.
David and I mix in with the debauchery of loud music, alcohol, and street performers. Only, it's difficult to tell the real perversion from the fake. Some are tall with strong roots reaching to the center of the Earth. Most are just plastic pieces trying to make the forest look full.
Even then, it's all about money, and that's what makes sin available to begin with.
It's our anniversary and the first time we have ever been away by ourselves in thirteen years. A wonderful opportunity to get him to try a hard drug for the first time in his life.
I can be myself with him.
He doesn't hesitate to buy me the beige beaded bikini on the mannequin of a store window. Not after I promise to put it on and walk with the nightlife. I am an actual monster on Halloween and no one suspects a thing.
The piece has beads that dangle from the top and fall just below the bottoms and make an inviting see through skirt.
No one blinks an eye, but I turn a few heads. Probably the knowing demons. They smile and continue on their way. We have met before.
That awful white powder always went straight between my legs and made me do daring things. It's really not the fault of cocaine. It is always there.
My bare feet don't leave a trace as we walk.
Our hotel room is almost as big as our house. David mentions the square footage of both more than a few times when we get back to the fifteenth floor palace. He's analytical and balances out my imagination.
I'm a queen in a palace.
It's too much room for me, but I love the way the thick carpet feels as my feet sink in. Then again, when my knees do the same while we finish the lines on the table. I took the bikini bottoms off before we started and stuck my ass out as I leaned over the glass.
I am temptation itself in physical form.
We share stories we had never discussed in all the time we have been together. I don't know why it took us this long, but we became closer in the privacy of our high. He loves when I talk about other men.
I told him about the time JJ was laying between my legs and I was rubbing my foot across his back while he ate me out. I had my husband's full attention and I could tell he was picturing the entire thing.
JJ was terrible at the act, but at least he was willing.
He licked the hole and missed the best part. His wife did an incredible job, but he needed help.
He didn't know how to read body language when I would moan and raise my hips when he accidentally found the spot. I doubt he would have done better with a map.
I was already laughing at knowing how the story would end.
He made a spitting sound and pulled something out of his mouth.
"Is that toilet paper?"
My answer came in a laughter I could not contain.
I laughed so hard I rolled off the bed. JJ was furious.
I don't think anyone has truly appreciated me.
David was trying to catch his breath from laughing so hard. The funniest part for him was thinking of me laughing that hard.
I had already moved on. I needed him to be serious now.
I walked over to the couch by the open window and looked down at the people going in and out of the hotel. If they only knew. If they could only see.
"You're going to have to eat this pussy," I told David after I balanced my toes on top of the brown leather and part the beads like I was a play about to begin. He is eagerly on his knees in front of me.
I had also shared the story of my sister's most embarrassing moment.
Keeping myself clean was a lesson I learned long ago from my younger sister, Nikki.
Nobody wants to be the story of the girl who smelled up a room when the guy was taking her pants off.
"I want you to put your face down there, but then I want you to want to do it again," I told more than one man.
Still, there was a fine line between tasting like nothing and leaving your natural scent on a lover's face.
"Pussy has a taste and I should taste pussy," Roland had argued before.
There was a fine line indeed.
It's still funny to me that David is submissive. Being 6 feet tall and 285 pounds, he could bend me into a pretzel and do whatever he wanted, and I couldn't do anything about it. He will if I ask, but a girl shouldn't have to ask. His tongue is oversized, just like the rest of him. It covers my pussy from thigh to thigh and I have to use my fingers to spread myself open until he's inside. There is the wetness. There is the trembling legs and the beginning of the loss of self control.
"Bend me over in front of the window and fuck me," I tell him.
I hate that I have to ask, but he does it without hesitation.
I watch our reflections as he strips the top off of me and covers my small breasts with his powerful hands.
"Arch your back, stupid," I hear a voice from my past and I feel a forgotten hand use its full strength to press down on my raised ass.
I was trying to keep him from hitting bottom. I don't think he cared what I was trying to do.
That is Nate behind me.
My soon to be second husband.
He is in control now.
The drug had my mind everywhere and anywhere.
I want to think of terrible things to get off.
Even when Nate knew I was leaving him, it had to be on his terms.
