"I can't believe that three days are over so soon. I really really hoped you could've stayed for a bit longer..." I consciously drowned out whatever my bestie was mumbling and focused on the view outside the window. The sky was still dark, only the edges of the horizon a lighter kyanite. The moon was still up there, white and fading as the sun was waiting to climb. I looked at my watch.
3.45 am.
There was no trace of pink because morning was hours away. We had to catch an early morning flight back home. The highway was almost empty and one or two cars whizzed past. Bestie seemed like a careful driver so basically our car was crawling at a snail's pace.
"You okay?" He whispered to me.
"Hmm," I mumbled, not quite focusing.
"It seems like yesterday that I was waiting for your flight to land in the evening and now you're leaving..." Her voice was tuning in and out of my focus.
I guess the incident of the first night at bestie's place was bugging me, taking me on a guilt trip every time it jumped up into my waking consciousness. A part of me knew it was nothing to feel guilty about, but the reserved part of me winced every time someone brought up the 'night' thing.
My husband placed his hand over my hands clasped in my lap. He must have sensed the tension. I let myself relax a bit as he took my hand and kneaded it gently between his palms. I looked at him. Maybe he was the reason I had been feeling so guilty in the first place. He has always been a private person, even more than me. I was the wilder one demanding hugs and kisses, jumping on him anytime and every time. And that night he didn't even realise what happened. It was my fault that I didn't lock the door.
"I hope you can visit anytime soon," Bestie slowed the car further and looked back at me. "You okay? You've been awfully quiet."
"I'm fine." I groaned.
"No you are not," she argued.
And that snapped the last remaining threads of my sanity.
"You know, you're right," I hissed. "I am not okay. This guilt is..."
She hit the brake quickly and the car skidded to a halt.
"I left the door open but it's your fault," I mumbled. "You should've done the right thing and not... you know..." I threw my hands in the air.
"What is this all about?" Confusion was clear on his face.
"He doesn't know?" Bestie asked. I glared at her. "Obviously he doesn't. What would I have told him?"
"Told me what?" he interjected.
I stayed quiet.
"Your door was open the other night and I kinda watched you two together... Umm," Bestie sighed.
"You watched us have sex?" he frowned.
"And maybe pleasured myself to it..." her voice trailed off. I was too ashamed to even look at him
"Wow."
My eyes shot up at him. Out of all exclamations, 'wow' was what I had not expected.
"Did you see her watch us?" He then asked me.
I nodded, watching his face clearly for signs of anger, guilt... anything at all but he looked calm.
"Look, I'm sorry, okay. It has been a long time I've had sex since the younger one was born. So when I heard you both, so passionate, so in love, so eager to please each other, I couldn't help but watch. It was all so new and you both were so hot and I couldn't help..."
My cheeks flushed. It was the first time someone had mentioned that our lovemaking was hot. I mean it was a first time someone had actually seen us do it and it'd probably be the last too but there was a certain kind of pride in knowing our sex was hot enough to arouse someone else.
"And besides you of all people know I've never pleasured myself, not by myself at least," she added.
I took a quick look at my husband. He was trying hard to maintain the neutral expression on his face, giving us ladies the time to sort it out. I knew he might be building all kinds of scenarios in his head which I was sure were more outrageous than what actually happened.
"You have never masturbated?" He asked her directly.
"That's the part you picked out of the whole conversation?" I groaned.
"No, I haven't but it's a good feeling," bestie replied honestly. I sucked in air forcefully. I had never imagined this day would come but here I was, having the most awkward conversation in my life and yet it was kind of arousing.
"I'm happy you got to." He smiled. Damn, was that a flirtatious smile? Shit, he really was imagining things.
"To be honest, I have a lot to learn from you both on how to spice up sex," she admitted sheepishly.
"We aren't..." I began.
"Will it sound odd if I maybe want to see it again, like closer, like you know maybe next time you come over..." she gave a nervous laugh.
"Watch us have sex?" My jaw had fallen open. He chuckled beside me, obviously enjoying the conversation. How many times had we talked about exhibition and made up imaginary scenarios?
"Not really have sex," she turned back to the windscreen and sighed. "Honestly, I specifically want to see what you did to him under the table that day. I knew something was up and I haven't been able to get that out of my head. I mean if there was any way someone could teach me how to pleasure him better, then maybe my hubby would go the extra mile and go down on me. "
"That is a lot to process," I scratched my head.
I turned to him. "Are you really okay with whatever happened?"
"Yes, I mean it was her," he shrugged, "Thankfully not a random stranger that caught us."
"A good point," I mused