It was a typical Monday morning, or so I thought. I was at my desk at about 9:30 when my boss walked over and said she needed to see me in her office immediately. She quickly turned and headed back toward her office.
I had kind of a thing for my boss since she had joined the company a few months ago. She really wasn't what most guys would consider "hot". She wasn't killer-beautiful, but she was cute. She didn't have a smoking-hot body; she was a little curvy but rarely wore clothes that "did" anything for her, like low-cut tops or tight skirts. She had kind of a librarian thing going, I guess; she dressed very plainly, wore geeky glasses, had normal brown hair usually worn in an unassuming "up do", I'm sure you know the type.
Simply put, you probably wouldn't notice her in a group of people, like at a party; that is, if she ever went to a party. I didn't recall that she had ever attended an after-work thing whenever one was organized in our department. We had something to celebrate or observe every couple of weeks and would usually just meet up in the bar in the lobby of our building, so it wasn't like she had to go out of her way or anything. She just seemed... boring? uninterested? I dunno honestly.
But, there was something I found alluring about her, something intangible. She did wear some kind of perfume that could make my cock hard instantly! So that might have been it. Seriously, I don't like most perfumes at all. What she wears is very faint, very soft, hard to categorize, kinda like her. It's not floral, it's not musky, it's just... stunningly attractive. The first time I got close enough to smell it on her was at her first day with the company, and my cock got hard right away. It really shocked me, had never happened before in my life. We were in a group meeting and luckily I was wearing relatively loose-fitting pants. That would have made a hell of a first impression. I probably would have been cited for inappropriate sexual conduct or something, I'm sure!
I jumped up from my desk and found myself trailing closely behind her, taking in her perfume's scent. I could have walked behind her for miles if I had to.
I followed her into her office, and she closed the door behind me. "Please, sit," she said. There was nothing out of the ordinary with our interactions to that point, nothing that stood out to let me know something was wrong.
She looked very uncomfortable sitting at her desk, and it was a few moments before she composed herself to speak. I was starting to get a little worried. Finally, she picked up a stack of printouts from her desk and handed them across to me. They were highlighted and it took me a moment to figure out what I was looking at.
"Recognize any of those websites, Tim?" she asked me.
These were internet traffic logs from our company's IT department. Sure enough, I did recognize the websites. Shit! Those were all porn sites I had browsed from here at work. But -- but, I had brought in my laptop from home and used the wi-fi connection, figuring anything I did would be untraceable! I figured wrong. But I played dumb; nothing to lose, right?
"Tracie," I started, "I don't know anything about--"
"Tim," she interrupted, "please don't insult me. Please don't compound this with lying."
I looked down again at the logs. These went back starting about a month ago, and the timestamps were mostly in the evening, after 6. And it had my browser information, including the website logins, and my home e-mail address with my name plain to see.
"Anything else you want to say?" she asked me.
I set the stack of papers on her desk and sort of shrugged my shoulders. "If you're going to fire me, it really doesn't make any difference, does it?"
"If I was going to fire you now, I'd have security waiting in here to escort you out. You're not stupid, and I don't guess you're a simple pervert. Of course, you may prove me wrong on both counts. I want an honest explanation, plain and simple."
I sat back in my chair and exhaled, considering what I should do. This wasn't going to be easy.
"Tracie," I said, "I'm not comfortable explaining a personal situation like I have with you in this context."
"Well, what does that mean exactly?" she asked. "Would you like to get the HR staff in here, too, and we can include them in this conversation?"
No, I thought, if anything was worse, THAT would be worse. So, I told her my story.
My wife had had back surgery 9 months ago. Ever since then, her mobility and a lot of otherwise "normal" functioning had been reduced to at least some extent, such that she certainly didn't have a normal life yet. Her recovery period was going to be very protracted.
"OK," Tracie said, "I'm sorry to hear that, but what does that have to do with this?"
"Well, since her surgery, among the things that were adversely affected is her ability for intimacy, both physically and psychologically. Basically, she can't and doesn't want to have any sexual contact with me at all."
"OK... Still doesn't connect to this situation for me," she said, pointing to the printouts.
"Um... I don't know quite how to put this...," I answered. "Um... I have a very active libido, if I can say it that way. And, I have no means of getting satisfaction at home. I mean, my wife feels really bad at not being there for me, you know, in 'that way.' With all the other stuff she's been through, she was getting depressed at not being able to have a sex life with me, which was very active before her surgery. It's all taking a lot longer than what the doctors had thought."
"So... what -- you'd stay here at work late, alone, and watch porn at your desk and masturbate?"
What she said really shocked me! Of course, that was exactly what I was doing; it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out, but how she had said it! Just kind of smacked me in the face with it.
It was a few seconds before I could respond. "Yeah, I guess you'd describe it that way. Sounds a lot worse when you say it out loud, but yes."
"And this is something you couldn't do at home -- like normal people do -- why?" she asked.
"I told you, my wife was depressed at not being able to be intimate with me, and so I didn't want to do anything to show the fact that it was so sexually frustrating for me. I didn't want to make it worse for her emotionally."
"So, you turn to porn? How would that make her feel, do you think?"
"She normally has no problem with it; we use it pretty regularly -- or did, anyhow -- in our relationship."
"How so?" Tracie asked me very matter-of-factly. This was getting into uncharted territory; I was definitely getting uncomfortable with where this was going, especially since I really didn't know Tracie at all on a personal level."
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"Like what kind of things? What do you do, or look at, or read? Is it this kind of stuff?" she asked, gesturing toward the printouts.
"Um... sometimes, yes. There are websites for couples, or we'll read stories that we find online together (like at this site!). Or we buy pay-per-view adult movies, or whatever. I dunno, normal kinds of... perverted... stuff, I guess." I found myself getting aroused talking about this with a woman I was so attracted to, but still realized this situation was more than a little odd.
"Hm, well, that's healthy that you enjoyed it together," she said. Then, Tracie swung her LCD computer monitor around on her desk to face me, picked up her keyboard and set it on the desk in front of me. "Can you show me where you go online?"