Sometimes Jenny says I need a thicker backbone. That may be true but I am comfortable with who I am. I'm not super macho. I'm not John Wayne. I'm more William H. Macy but I like myself that way. Certainly Jenny rarely complains about me not being male model. She brags to her friends about my cooking ability and my skill with massage and pedicures. I love my Jenny with a passion.
My mother says that I married above myself, that may very well be true. Jenny is four inches taller than me, She has long fine legs and a fantastic physique. She has long black hair and crystal blue eyes. She has lovely large breasts, bowed lips and the cutest little pert nose. I love how my friends react when they see her picture. I know that many men envy the fact that I get to bed down with her.
Jenny grew up near Philly. she is a loyal and loud Eagles fan. That does not always go over so well here in the greater New York area. I'm not a football fan. For whatever reasons, I never got bitten by the bug as a kid or adolescent. Oh I know what the standings are and who has the best odds for the playoffs but I never got into sitting in front of the tube watching games. Jenny on the other hand has to follow every play and every second. On Sunday's my house is filled with football fanatics. They selected my place because I have the biggest set and I prepare the best snack food on the block. As Jenny and her friends shout about the grid iron action on TV they dine on my excellent food concoctions. It is a great way for the two of us to spend some time together even if we are in different universes.
Betting on the outcome of games is a regular thing with Jenny and her friends. Usually it is small stakes, a case of beer, a bottle of wine, that sort of thing. When the Giants play the Eagles Jenny is heavily outnumbered and if her team loses they really rub it in. Maybe everybody had had too much beer but I was not prepared for where the betting would go that week. Chief among the antagonists of my wife is my next door neighbor Stan. Stan is well over six feet tall and moves heavy machinery around all day. He is very much in shape. He's a great guy but his very presence makes me so aware of my shortcomings. He's the kind of guy I would like to look like and be like. I know that Jenny is not attracted to him, she genially despises him. Stan on the other hand can barely keep his desire for my wife hidden.
The game was progressing and Jenny seemed confident of a win. We were planning on erecting a fence about our property. Everything was in a pile in my front yard. The fencing and the posts were in a substantial pile just past the end of the drive way. All I needed was a week and some help and I would have the fence up. Jenny did not believe me when I told her that I was more than capable of the job. In any event it inspired the bet.
"Stan, if the Eagles win this one how about we dispense with the case of beer? WHEN the Eagles win you will agree to erect our fence for us. A big guy like you could probably do it alone and my hubby Saul can massage my back while I watch you work. You can get out your frustrations of rooting for such a crappy team and we get a fence in record time."
"Jenny, that is a week's worth of labor even for a guy like me. Whatever you have to do for me when the Eagles live up to their history and lose today has to last a week."
Jenny thought for a moment and said "OK how about I serve as your maid for a week."
"Tempting, but not quite good enough, Mrs. Peters. How about this? A week of NUDE maid service!"
The room went silent in the wake of that exchange. I looked angrily at Stan and then at my wife. To my considerable displeasure she seemed to be giving Stan's outrageous proposal serious consideration!
I could not believe the next words I heard.
"If you throw in a thousand dollars Stanley you have a deal."
"Done!" said Stan and the two shook hands.
"Honey," I started, "you can't be serious. What if you lose?"
"Saul darling, look at the score."
I saw why Jenny was so confident; her team had a three touchdown lead late in the game. Jenny looked at me, smiled and said "There is no way I can lose."
You can predict the rest. In the final moments of the game the New York Giants scored four times and sailed on to an easy win. Jenny stared at the television set with her jaw in her lap. While Jenny sat in silence Stan was exchanging high fives with his fellow Giants fans. The crowd watching the game had been so caught up in the action that they had temporarily forgotten about the outrageous bet. Then it seemed like everybody remembered at once. This inspired a new round of cheers and high fives.
Stan loomed over my seated wife. With difficulty she met his gaze. "I get home from work at 5:00 P.M. I'll expect you promptly at my front door at 5:30 P.M. You will work until 11:30 P.M. You'll have the thousand dollars when you complete your week."
He then looked at me and said, "Saul, as usual the food was superb, thanks for the hospitality and for having such a hot wife!"
He smirked, let his eyes linger over my wife's body, and made his way out of my house. The remainder of the guests quickly discerned mine own and Jenny's foul mood and made hasty departures. As soon as the last of them was gone I exploded.
"Are you nuts Jenny? How the hell are you going to get out of this?"
"I don't intend to, dear."
"WHAT!"
"I don't renege on my bets. If the Eagles had won I certainly would have put Stan to work on our fence and delighted in every moment of it. I'm many things darling but I'm no hypocrite."
"But you are MY wife not his, he has no right to see you naked."
"Actually Saul, by losing our wager he DID earn the right to see me naked. It disgusts me no end, Stan makes my flesh crawl but I am a woman of integrity and of my word." Then she began to tear up and sigh heavily "Oh, this is going to be the worst week of my life. I'm finished betting anything more costly than a stick of gum."
I became increasingly angry and frustrated with my wife. Jenny and I had a big argument that night. She was very upset but firm in that she intended to live up to her end of the deal. My wife can be very stubborn. She would repeat "A bet's a bet" over and over again.
"I could find some way to get out of this but I'm not that kind of person. To renege reflects badly on me and on the Birds. Eagles fans have a bad enough reputation in this town as it is. If I try to get out of it Stan and all of the friends we watch football with will never let me hear the end of it. They will call me 'a typical Eagle hypocrite.' This is bigger than just me."
After some more unpleasant fighting Jenny said, "I'll tell what I WILL do. I don't like the idea of being naked and alone with Stan in HIS house. I will tell him that unless you can be there to make sure that Stan remains a gentleman, the deal is off. I would feel much better with you there, honey. It won't make things any easier but I WILL feel safer. "
Jenny called Stan and laid out her ultimatum. Stan readily agreed as Jenny told Stan in no uncertain terms that if I was not permitted to chaperon her during her ordeal the deal was off. I was VERY angry, yet I knew that becoming, basically, a fly on the wall was the best I could do. Jenny has several faults one of which is that she is VERY stubborn. Both of us know as well that her will is stronger than mine. I don't think I have ever successfully said no to her once in all the years we have been married. On Sunday night I tried to snuggle with her in bed but Jenny brushed my hands away and said,
"I'm not in the mood Saul."
Monday fairly crawled along. My wife had a very strange and faraway look in her eyes as she donned a smart business dress. Before she left the house she gave my lips just the briefest of kisses as she made her way to the driveway. She entered our car and drove off to her office. Since I left for a work an hour after my wife, i cleaned up the kitchen like I normally did and headed off to the bus station. Since I work in town I commute via public transportation. Jenny's office is about thirty miles away. All day I had trouble focusing on my work. I sent a couple of texts to Jenny begging her to call it off. She did not reply to them. I got home, like I normally did, about twenty minuets before my wife.
I could tell the day had been a difficult one for my wife from the expression she wore. I approached her as she entered the house but she was emotionally distant, "Saul, I want your support at Stan's house. I'm in no mood for you to be anything other than my protector. I warn you now that I will probably be out of sorts for the rest of the week. I'm getting changed into something a lot simpler. The last thing I want to do is give Stan the impression that I am dressing up for him!"
She emerged a short time later from the bathroom in jeans and a simple white blouse. She wore loafers on her bare feet. She was silent as she watched the clock. The hands seemed to crawl along.
We heard Stan's loud car pulling into out cul de sac. Then we heard him singing loudly as he strode up to his front door. In just one half hour my beautiful Wife Jenny would be naked in front of a man I could never compare to. The idea filled me with, what I suspected was more than normal dread.
Whereas the entire day before this had moved at a glacial rate. The half hour until 5:30 seemed to arrive like lightning. Jennifer stood, Slid a coat over her slim frame and offered me her hand. I decided to forgo the coat as we walked hand in hand the short distance to Stan's front porch. I had butterflies in my stomach the size of bats. I could not imagine what my wife was going through. Jenny had me ring the doorbell and the door swung open. There stood Stan, filling the doorframe in his work pants and a tee shirt.
"Ah right on time. To be honest I thought that you would back down Jennifer, like I'm sure that ninety percent of worthless Eagles fans would do. Maybe Bird's fans DO have guts after all."
