WARNING: Contains anal action
She said that her name was Marcia. Whether it actually was or not, I really don't know. She said that a friend had told her about me. 'My friend says that you make little, umm, films,' she said.
'I do,' I said. I waited for her to say something else. But she didn't. For a moment, I wondered if the call had been dropped. But I thought that I could still hear background sounds coming down the line. 'Did your friend tell you what sort of films I make?' I said.
'Oh, yes. Gentleman's Relish. And not the kind that you buy in a jar.'
'No, not the kind that buy in a jar,' I said. 'So ... how can I help you?'
'I would like you to make a film of me.'
'I see,' I said. 'With someone? Or on your own?'
'I think just me,' she said. 'I think that I'd like to see if I ... well ... you know - whether I have what it takes.'
'OK. So tell me a little about Marcia,' I said.
'What would you like to know?'
'Well, how old are you.' It was hard to tell over the phone. Her voice sounded quite mature. (And she was very well spoken.) But you can never be sure. My specialty (if that is the right word) is women over 40. I've filmed quite a few women in their 60s. I've even filmed a couple of women in their 70s. But my clientele is definitely not into 18-year-olds - no matter how posh they sound.
'I'm 48,' she said. 'Soon to be 49. And then, after that, it'll be 50 I suppose. The big half century.'
'Nothing wrong with 50,' I said. 'People tell me that it's the new 30.'
She laughed. 'I hope not. Thirty was the year that I got both married and divorced.'
'Oh, well,' I said. 'And what do you do? Do you work? Or are you a lady of leisure?'
'I work part time as a receptionist,' she said. 'At an estate agents. I mainly meet and greet.'
'OK. That must be interesting.'
'It can be,' she said. 'Sometimes.'
'And this little film ... would you like to do this at your place? Or here in the studio?'
'I think the studio. For the first one anyway. After that ... We'll have to see how it goes.'
After that? Interesting, I thought. 'OK. Well ... we just need to find a time, don't we?'
'I don't work at all on Wednesdays,' she said. 'I don't know if that would work for you.'
'Let me consult the diary,' I said. Wednesday afternoon was clear, so we agreed that she would come to the studio at three o'clock. 'I take it that you know where we are?'
'My friend said that you are above the ironmongers. In Turley Street.'
'That's right. The red door just to the left of the ironmongers. By the way, are you going to tell me your friend's name?'
She hesitated. 'Umm ... do I need to?'
'No. Not if you don't want to.'
'She's just someone who I met. You know.'
'That's fine,' I said. Mysterious. But fine.
It rained on Wednesday afternoon, and Marcia arrived wearing a long rain coat. Bright red with navy blue piping on the cuffs and lapels. She looked very smart.
'Let's just find somewhere to hang your coat,' I said.
Underneath her coat she was wearing a plain black dress. Shortish and sleeveless. And I felt pretty sure that if I looked inside, there would a designer label. 'That's nice,' I said. 'A classic little black dress.' She was also wearing black stockings, and rather classy-looking black shoes. Salvatore Ferragamo, at a guess.
'I think that I managed to keep my shoes dry,' she said.
I had set up a little 'library' as a backdrop. Against the back wall I had placed a tall bookcase filled with books with rather lush-but-anonymous spines. In front of the bookcase, I had laid out a classic Persian rug. And on the rug I had placed a generously-proportioned Louis XV chair. The chair was a reproduction. But it was a good one. And there was a small table beside the chair, and an open book on the table.
I arranged the lighting so that the background was slightly moody, but anyone sitting in the chair would still be well lit. I had learned the hard way that my clientele likes to see what it is that they are looking at. 'I want to be able to count the individual pubic hairs,' one of my regulars once told me.
Marcia's 48 birthdays had not been unkind to her. She was a very good-looking woman. Her platinum-streaked hair was styled in a bob that suggested easy care. However, I suspect that the easy-care look was only achieved with the help of a very good hairstylist. And the jewellery she wore was simple but expensive.
'I think if we could see the sun today it would be well and truly over the yardarm,' I said. And I poured Marcia a glass of champagne.
'Oh. Thank you. It's a little earlier than I normally start but ... yes.' And she smiled.
'Well, you're dressed for cocktails,' I said.
'Yes. I suppose that I am.'
'Wednesday,' I said, as we sipped, 'is that a quiet day in the estate agents' world.
'Mmm ... Tuesday and Wednesday. Monday there's usually a flurry of activity after the weekend. And then on Thursday things are starting to crank up for the following weekend. So, yes. Tuesday and Wednesday seem to be the quiet days. For us anyway. It may be different in other places.'
'Are you ready to give this a go?' I asked, after we had chatted and sipped for a little bit longer.
'I guess so,' Marcia said.
I turned on the lights and got Marcia to stand on the rug, just in front of the chair. 'Have ever done any modelling?' I asked.
'No. Not really. There was this chap - a few years ago - who was always on at me to do what he called some nature photography. At least he made it clear that he wasn't talking about photos of flowers. I eventually agreed to give it a go. We went to this stream that ran through some woods. It was in Suffolk, I seem to recall. And the moment I got my clothes off, he forgot all about the photography and just wanted to shag me. I just remember getting prickles in my bum.' And she laughed.
'We will try to ensure that that doesn't happen today,' I said. 'The prickles, I mean.'
Looking through the viewfinder, I have to say that Marcia was a natural. 'Very nice,' I said. 'Very nice indeed.' Suddenly, she started to relax. I'm not sure if it was my encouragement, or if the champagne was starting to work. 'Maybe just do a slow twirl,' I said.