I believe most people could understand that a dreadful experience in their youth could create a deep and lasting influence on the ability to express their sexuality. Fewer would believe that those scars could be remedied by an unplanned event, and result in a dramatic improvement in self esteem. This is a story that details just such an event, and hopefully provides a wee bit of interest while doing so. Please bear with me through some of the initial background, because unless you understand the circumstances, it is difficult to comprehend the changes that occurred. My mind opened to the beauty of nudity, the diversity of body types, and I realized that sex really was meant to be exciting and lovely.
To give a little background, I grew up in the outskirts of a northern Midwest City in a relatively conservative middle class family. I think that most people would have considered this to be a pretty normal childhood. I was always quite active and participated in sports such as cross-country, soccer, and was even on the cheerleading squad for my high school. I realize now that I may have been somewhat sheltered in my experience with boys at the time. I had a number of dates, but never had gone beyond some "feeling through the clothes".
I won't go into details, but through no fault of my own, an incident occurred that caused me to fully loose confidence in myself, and feel that nudity and sex were wrong. While I had been eighteen at the time, my first experience with a boy had been very unsatisfactory, and I felt used and ashamed. I was so withdrawn after that incident, I was known as "Frosty" during the final months of my senior year in high school. At the time, wearing a two piece bathing suit would have been impossible, much less anything "sexy". After finishing high school, I went on to a well known college in the upper Midwest.
When I began my studies in college, I thoroughly enjoyed my classes, but still was having trouble dealing with guys. My roommates told me that I was unusually cute, but my self confidence was near zero. While I had a number of guys ask me out on dates, I just couldn't relax, and always felt that they were really just trying to get into my clothes. When I look back at photos from that time, I think that I probably wore the most conservative dress of anyone on campus.
Finally my life began to change. I happened to meet a guy named Ben in my music composition class. We talked several times before he ever even suggested that we have a cup of coffee together. He was a couple years older, and definitely had the looks that made every girl in the room take notice, yet he did not even seem to give the slightest hint that his motives were anything but one of being friendly. He exuded self-confidence, something that at the time I was completely lacking. He was taking the music class simply for interest, as he was finishing school in some exotic computer related major.
What began as a simple acquaintance, gradually developed into a friendship, and I put the first tiny amount of trust in a guy that I had for years. I suddenly began to have fun. We went to football games, took walks, and would have late night pizza. He had not immediately gone for my pants, and eventually I even explained to him what had happened to me. I even found myself yearning to be hugged and cuddled by him.
Ben was not your usual guy. I later learned that he had initially been a star swimmer on a collegiate team at another university. After a year, his interest in swimming had diminished, and he was unsure of his plans to continue school. He happened to take a course in computer science where the professor identified that he had a very rare talent in a very complicated area. Ben had a unique ability to break complicated cipher codes of intricate computer programming. When it became apparent how good Ben was in this developing area, a few calls were made and he was later offered a scholarship to the highly competitive university where we met, studying in a very special program.
While I was finishing my college degree, Ben completed some post-graduate work. We were married soon after my graduation. Ben began working as an independent consultant to several large software and internet security companies. I was working as a consultant to several advertising companies writing "jingles" or finding appropriate music for the advertisements. Most of Ben's work was done from of our home or office computer, but occasionally he would have to travel for some time for specific jobs. It was only much later that I learned a limited amount about a relationship with a company that he would only name as "Blue Eagle". He said that most of the information regarding them was top secret, but if they called, he had to leave whatever he was doing in order to concentrate on that project. He would sometimes be gone for up to a couple weeks with very little notice. Now that I have filled you in on this background, I think that I can finally begin to relate some of the more interesting details.
Ben had been out of town on several important jobs recently, and we were looking forward to some together time. While I considered our sex life as good, I will admit that my previous experience made it difficult to fully relax and let go. It would seem that when we were intimate, there was still some hesitancy on my part. Ben was extremely understanding and more than tolerant of my feelings. Looking back, I still dressed very conservatively, particularly for a woman with a good figure.
Then a special call came. I knew it was something important because Ben took the call in his study. I could hear him getting some details. He later mentioned that he was glad that the other party understood that he would be more productive if he was able to spend some down time with me. He said that he would ask me to come, but regardless of the answer, Ben would be on the special flight tomorrow night.
A few minutes later Ben asked me if I would be interested in going on a special trip with him. This trip would involve going to an unknown location for up to two weeks, but all information about it would need to be kept secret from friends, family and work. He would see me when he was not working, but it would likely be in at a rather isolated site. He did mention that it would be warm and sunny, which made it sound wonderful in the midst of a Minnesota winter. I had little time to pack, but he told me just to throw a swim suit, shirt, shorts, and a few basics in a bag because there would be few people to meet and no one to tell about it.
The next evening we were driving to the airport when I realized that we were not going to the usual commercial site, but instead had gone to a smaller private airport. When we arrived, a small unmarked Lear jet was waiting and the crew brought us on board. Soon we took off into the night, not knowing exactly where we were heading. Ben and I were the only initial passengers, and he briefly explained that we would be going to a remote military base where he would be working with a few special experts on breaking some highly sensitive intelligence gained from some captured computer equipment. He told me that the recent trips he made had been very stressful for many of the members of this team. Thus, in the interest of retaining key members of this select crew, the organizers had decided that this time spouses would be invited under the guarantee of complete secrecy.
About this time, our plane landed. Another couple came on board, and introduced themselves as Peter and Kate. I was guessing that we were in California at the time, but the sky remained dark outside the plane. We refueled, and were soon airborne again. After a short while, one of the crew brought back some snacks, drinks, and blankets, while telling us that we still had about a six hour flight remaining. When the plane landed, it was still somewhat dark. Emerging from the air conditioned plane, I could feel warm tropical air and hear the ocean in the distance. What a change from February weather in the Midwest!
We were driven to a relatively remote area of the base, and brought to an area that looked to be a group of condo type buildings surrounding a swimming pool, patio, and beautiful tropical plants. Each couple had a three room suite. Ben briefly spoke to the arrival agent, and was told that he would need to report in about four hours for the beginning of his sessions. I was told that a breakfast buffet would be delivered in the morning to the community area of quarters. I would then be able to meet some of the other spouses. We were instructed however, that since this was a top secret project, we could not leave the area or call to our homes in order in insure its complete secrecy.
Ben told me to sleep as late as I wanted, and then to enjoy meeting some of the other participants. He said that he would call me later in the day to let me know what time to expect him that evening. We both dropped off to sleep, and when I awakened, it was actually afternoon. After cleaning up, I went down to the community area, where I found a delightful buffet of salads, fruit, and sandwich meats. I ate some lunch, and was later joined by Kate. We found that other than an early morning delivery of food, our area was isolated from all outsiders, making the area exceptionally private.
We discussed the beauty of the location and were able to get to know each other better. Kate and I also introduced ourselves to several other ladies. Eva was a very distinguished appearing woman that appeared to be in her late thirties. She informed us that she now lived in the United Kingdom. She had spent considerable time in Belgium while growing up, as her father's business was headquartered there. The others included Megan, Keiko, and Greta.
Megan, from Australia, was young and very fit appearing. Keiko was Japanese, and spoke somewhat limited English. She was rather shy, but obviously wanted to be included in the group. The ladies also told me of the final member of the group named Greta, who had originally lived in Denmark but was married to an American. She had apparently already gone to her room, still adjusting to the time change.
It turned out that most of the others had arrived a day earlier, and had already spent some time by the pool. Kate said that she would love to meet me for a late afternoon swim, and we decided to meet at the pool in thirty minutes. I went back to our suite, changed into my old black conservative swimsuit, and walked down to meet her. Before I left, I took a brief look at myself in the mirror and realized the swimsuit was rather dowdy, but it was all that I had available.
