I started writing this mail late last night but was not really in a fit state to send it so I left it till this morn to finish it. I saw my tutor Ray Doyle a couple of days ago and told him I wanted to explore humiliation and would like to undress in one of his tutorials and experience being naked for the whole session. He is such a letch I was sure he would agree.
I had a tutorial this morning with him and I had been very tense about it. Would he say anything or would he suddenly just announce what I was going to do? I looked around those present imagining how each would react. What I was not worrying about was whether I would go through with it; a professional actor does not miss her cue.
Ray opened the session with his usual banter then he said, in front of everyone, "Julie could we have a quick chat after the session about what we discussed last night?" I suppose 5pm might qualify as "last night" but it gave a misleading impression didn't it. Half the group have now silently marked me down as one of Ray's girls. I actually saw one girl staring at me with a quizzical look on her face.
Well I got through the session and waited for everyone to leave so it was just me and him. He told me that what I had proposed was not going to happen, the consequences of him watching his students strip in a tutorial made it impossible. Then he asked me if I was serious about exploring humiliation. This put me a bit on guard, what was he going to suggest? I said that I was serious and he just said "Be in Dance Studio One at 8 tonight."
The commanding way he said it disarmed me a bit and I managed to say that I thought we should have a chaperone to protect him. I was quite proud of that line. He picked up his briefcase ready to leave and said that chaperoning had been arranged.
So once again a task had been suddenly sprung on me and I was going into the unknown. Studio One has a hard polished wood floor and nothing resembling a bed so I thought at least my honour was safe if not my modesty.
Well I got through the day then went to the library to catch up on some studying although my concentration was a bit impaired. I wrote part of an essay then went out to a local coffee shop.
I returned to college just before 8. Of course the front door was open because various parts of the building are used after hours. Once I got into the part of the building where the dance studios are I found it deserted. All the studios have small square windows in the doors so I could see that the lights were on in Studio One and, looking through the window, I saw Doyle and an unknown woman. I went in.
It is a long room with staging at one end and a mirror all along one wall with a wooden bar at waist height for the use of ballet students. There are stacks of plastic chairs and a few folding tables one of which stood in the middle of the room. Doyle and his companion had been seated on chairs which faced the mirror and were slightly angled towards each other. Both parties stood as I entered and Doyle curtly introduced "Lucretia". I don't believe that anyone is called Lucretia so obviously it was a non de guerre. She was average height and muscular in the way that a dancer is muscular. From her age she might have been a grad student.
Doyle was telling me that my choosing to keep the appointment indicated my consent to all that was going to happen and that I should remember that my humiliation was my idea so I could not have any complaint against anyone. The woman seemed to be looking me over in a hungry way. I did not like her at all. Ray finished his spiel by saying that he was going to ask me one question and it was the last time that I would have any choice or power.
"Once we get past this point you have no say in what happens and you do nothing, say nothing unless you are told."
The question proved to be "Are you willingly prepared to accept the rest of this session?"
I managed to whisper a yes and Doyle made me repeat it. He then said that I would begin to remove my clothing one piece at a time and that I would hand over each item for inspection.
"We will start with your left shoe."
I was facing the mirror with Doyle and Lucretia facing me, one on each side of me so I could watch my humiliation in the mirror and see their faces at the same time. I lifted my left leg and dragged off my sneaker handing it to Doyle. He looked inside the shoe and at the sole then placed it on the table. Lucretia demanded my right shoe and she regarded it with contempt as if wearing such scruffy shoes marked me down as a thoroughly despicable person. The next command was from Lucretia in a curt, crisp voice.