The stories to be told are all from a time I was more than eighteen years of age. No person in this story is less than eighteen years of age.
Am not a writer by any level of imagination nor a literature student, so the stories being told will have wordings as they appear in my mind. I just want to jot down my story, from 19 till date, without trying to write my sexual autobiography.
Someone anonymous has kindly commented that the stories I am writing here would have got much higher ratings if I declare them to be fictional. That comment to me was interesting as in this short life I have had till date, I have found truth to be much harder to believe than pure cooked up unadulterated fictional fantasy having no remote relation with what can and does happen in real life.
I would also request all my readers to spare a few minutes and write whatever they felt after reading the stories, if possible.
That afternoon at Sanchari's home brought in a sea change in me.
I never thought I will go through the experience of having a sexual relation with another person so soon.
I was, until then, more than anything else, a shy, obedient introvert girl in school whose entire world was her parents, school and friends. I had a male friend who lived next door, studied in boys section of our school, same grade and had taken his school leaving examinations with me but he was more a friend with whom I grew up and went to school every day, someone who wore shorts and then trousers in public while I wore skirts and then sari, whose hair was short while mine long and growing, who grew hair on his face while I didn't, whose hands were becoming hard and harsh while my body went on becoming softer day by day than anything else.
I had no sexual dreams with him or rather, never thought of him as a sexual being at all nor thought he did - in short, though were we very close, I doubt if we ever treated each other as male female at all. That was just about all male connect outside home.
That experience of being nude while having a sexual relation with another girl, twice, in full view of three others made me more conscious and more open with myself than I was before.
I came back home in public transport with unknown folks, wearing a borrowed light green chiffon sari with matching blouse petticoat with open hair without underwear. My hair was still wet and had possibly made my blouse at the back wet. Though my breasts were small but growing, I could simultaneously feel the fear as well as the freedom of wearing no bra or panty in public for the first time. I was conscious and bit scared that everyone around might be knowing about my being without a bra in a semi wet blouse covered by my hair or that my panties were missing but somehow I also had a feeling of freedom, of a "I don't give a damn, who cares, let them know and see" ringing through my mind continuously.
I learned to enjoy my nude body in private, staying fully nude even during my periods, just pushing a tampon inside, letting the string hang out of my puss and feel free (at least for some time before wearing an underwear) of any imposed barriers between the environment and me. Late nights, some days, I dared to step out on the verandah fully nude, staying in the dark or very dim light and shade portions. I started growing more and more careless and maybe wanted to actually have someone to see me nude, fully nude, in open air.
My home dress changed from loose jumpsuits with bra panty to off shoulders mid-thigh length to tie blouses with flowing pleated micro miniskirts without any underwear to stringed on shoulder full back open tops reaching knee length or higher just covering my vagina when I stood, esp. when ma(mother) was not home.
Meanwhile I grew.
My body started changing pretty late but was doing extra hours now to make up and I soon grew from 30A at 18 to 30B to 32C at the top and from 30 to 34 at the bottom. Thankfully my waist didn't grow beyond 27 and I finally started getting my curves right as all my friends had already got long ago. I just had one problem, I had no one interested to see the changes at home and my going out was severely restricted by the examination preparations.
I ignored my hair removing cream completely and as a result, my vagina, legs and armpit started becoming hairy again. I had neither the time, nor the mood to bother - I was home anyway.
This carelessness grew in me day by day.
I just wore something in my room, didn't matter what, at times stayed nude for 24 hours just moving into the washroom when someone knocked. As a rule set by my mother, room doors at home were never locked from inside and everyone knocked and asked for permission before entering.
Another change had come somewhere towards the middle of my exams.
Our 24 hour house help had gone to his village to attend to some emergency and had left his 24-25 year old nephew Ratan as a replacement. This boy was fair tall handsome looking but was also the definition of the word 'bucolic' and was totally out of sync with city life. As a result, Ma had to spend hours now keeping our home straight and this boy was at best good in cleaning / washing and doing all menial labour work while learning what to do at home. He was very slow in learning, slower in expressing and at that point of time more a burden than a help. As such, in a few days, I started to completely ignore his existence and be as I am, just caring to ensure he doesn't see me fully nude and that's about all that he existed for me. I was in a pair of camisole and panties once and not a thought crossed my mind while he dusted my room. I ignored his presence completely.
This was on the last day of my school leaving exams.
That afternoon, coming home, I asked him to make me a glass of fresh lime soda which I knew he can, went up to my room, set my bathtub to fill after adding salts, threw off my bag, threw out my clothes all over the floor and just dipped my body in the tub and fell asleep in a few minutes like there was no tomorrow.
I woke up I don't know when, put on the shower to clean myself, noticed I had no towel inside the washroom and without giving it a thought, went out dripping nude as I have done so many times before, found the towel on the small stool besides my dressing table and started drying myself out, humming something with semi closed eyes. Drying over, I threw my hair on my back, threw the towel at a corner making a mental tick to send it back for washing and started looking for my hair dryer.
A glass rattling sound brought me back from my reverie to reality. I turned back without thinking and found myself in front of Ratan. He was standing there at the door, his hands holding a glass of liquid and a saucer and both his hands were shaking making that noise.
For a second, I got so mad that I lost my temper and without thinking A from B, I started screaming at him "Tui dorja khule dhukli ki bole? Awaj korte sekhano hoi ni? Darate paris ni ami khola obdhi? (How dare you open the door and enter my room? Weren't you taught how to knock? Why couldn't you wait outside till I opened the door?)"
I then suddenly realized two things simultaneously - I was dead nude with everything I was supposed to hide fully in his view and that he had also seen the rear view since who know when now but his eyes were no longer on me but at the floor towards my feet and he was shivering with fear trying to say something but couldn't and all I could hear was a mumbling noise.
