My Friend. His Girlfriend. a Video.

This one's a little different than my usual, but it still hits some similar themes. Everyone is over 18.

-

I had a thing for Lara since the day I met her.

It was our freshman year of college and I was sitting in Philosophy 101. My roommate Justin was sitting next to me. We were joking around about something dumb, then my attention turned and there she was.

Pretty with honey brown hair. Big green eyes and a cute, retrousse nose. Curvy in all the best ways with a good-sized chest and a nice bottom. It was the smile that did it for me, though. Something about the way it lit up her face just made my heart want to leap out of my chest.

The gorgeous woman went up the stairs of the lecture hall and sat right next to me. Philo 101 was a massive class -- it was a pre-req for just about everything, so everyone banged it out their first semester. Hundreds of students and she sat next to

me

. Gave me that smile that seemed to light the room.

I kept trying to think of ways to introduce myself to this goddess, but then she came right out and told me her name was Lara.

"I'm Alex," I said. Oh God she was amazing.

"Yes, I know. I'm dating your roommate." I looked over and there was Justin, watching the two of us with bemusement. He smiled and waved. Justin had told me he was seeing a girl he'd met at orientation. But I guess I never knew her name or I just forgot and suddenly it all clicked together.

This wasn't kismet or some kind of magical meet-cute.

This was hell.

*

About halfway through freshman year I came home early from a date. I'd gone out with this one girl a few times but it wasn't working. Like all the girls I tried to talk myself into over the years, she just couldn't live up to Lara.

I clicked open our door and heard a little gasp.

"Alex?" Justin called out, "Hang on a sec."

I heard the sounds of the two of them shuffling around. Then finally they gave me the OK. I knew the couple -- my roommate, my crush girl -- was having sex regularly. But before it had been distant. They always made sure to do it when I wasn't around. Or go somewhere else. This time, though, I'd caught them mid-stream and it showed.

Justin was lying in his bed with just his boxers on. His light brown hair was slightly tousled. He was in pretty good shape, I reflected, with lean arms and only a bit of a gut.

Lara was standing by the side of the bed. She was pretty undressed as well. She'd wrapped some of Justin's bedding around herself but her shoulders were bare. The sheet was fairly sheer and while I couldn't see much, the shape of her was clear enough. Lara's face was pinkish. She was breathing heavy and I didn't think it was from quickly covering herself up. Her bra -- easily a C-cup, I could tell by the latches -- was hanging off the TV in the center of our room.

Seeing her this way, half-undressed and maybe more, it just made me want her even more.

"Sorry," I said, "I'm sorry to interrupt."

"How was your date?" Lara asked. Even in this moment, she still cared about me. My life.

"I think it's obvious it went pretty shitty," Justin said.

I nodded.

"Look, I'm sorry man," Justin said, "But would you mind, like, going out for a little bit. Maybe another hour or so?"

I saw Lara's smile quirk a little bit when Justin said the word 'hour.' But she quickly recovered.

"It's not fair to ask that, Justin," Lara said, "It's Alex's room, too."

She bent down for a moment, as if to start collecting her clothes, and the sheet slipped. I could see the beginnings of her boob slip out. Oh my fucking God. Fucking fuck. It was almost too much for me to take.

"Boy you guys really get into watching TV, don't you?" I said. Humorous deflection: the lonely geek's solution to all social problems. Where would I be without smartass comments? Probably happy, but why have that when I could come off as witty?

"Oh yes, this is the best show ever," Lara said, playing along.

Justin just made a sour face. "It's no big deal to leave for a bit, right buddy?" he said, then turned to Lara "See, he doesn't mind."

"It's fine," I said, still distracted, "Seriously." I started to gather my things and go.

"You're a great friend," Justin called after me as I left the room. "The best!"

I was a monster.

*

Sophomore year and I chose to stay again with Justin in the dorms. I could have moved out, gotten a single down the hall. But I liked living with Justin and, more importantly, it kept me nearby lovely Lara. My dream girl.

We got a way larger dorm this time out though: two bedrooms with a common room in between. It was awesome. I remember our first night, I sat down to watch some TV. Lara and Justin were in the other room. I heard some light knocking. Like a rhythmic thump. Then Lara's gasps. Groans.

Oh God.

All this time I thought I'd been exposed to the worst of it. This was so much more. The walls weren't that thin but it hardly mattered. I could hear them. Fucking. Almost as clear as if I was standing in the room next to them.

Afterwards, Lara stumbled out of Justin's room in kind of a post-sex stupor. Her brown hair splayed everywhere. Her green eyes distant. She was wearing a pair of boyshorts and a little tank top. I admired her tight, tan tummy.

Without even acknowledging me, she went over to our little microfridge and bent right over at the waist. Looking for something to drink. My eyes practically popped out of my head. Her perfect, prominent ass was pointed right in my face. I swore I could smell her sex.

Then Lara stood up again and took a deep, long swig of some Gatorade. She put it back and started to walk back out of the room.

"Hi Lara," I said, grinning widely. She stopped, frozen. As if she somehow hadn't noticed me sitting there.

"Oh, hi," Lara said, "Listen you didn't hear the two of us...?" She saw my smile. "Fuck. I'm sorry Alex. I'll try to be more quiet."

"It's cool," I said, "I know you two are really into pilates. And stuff."

"And stuff," Lara said and smiled. She looked over at the TV. "Oh, Legends of Tomorrow. Cool. I love this show."

The sexy brunette sat next to me on the futon and we watched the show for a while without saying a word. Comfortable like an old couple. Justin didn't come out and I assumed it was because he'd passed out in his room.

During a commercial break Lara turned to me and asked, "So, you seeing anybody?"

"No," I said, "Nothing serious, anyway." Not at all, actually. I didn't want to tell her that I'd pretty much given up. Finding anyone who could live up to my Lara was impossible.

"You're a good guy, Alex," Lara said, "You deserve to have someone." She gave my arm a squeeze and then got up to go back to bed. A few minutes later I heard them, again, going at it.

The soundtrack for my sophomore year wasn't Kanye or whoever. It was the two of them -- my best friend and my dream girl -- fucking in the bedroom while I watched TV.

*

Junior year we moved off campus and got an apartment up in Brookline -- the three of us together. I was seeing some girl named Denise. She was thin, blonde, with barely-there boobs. I wouldn't say I was happy, but sad together was better than miserable alone.

I was beginning to think Justin and Lara were thinking the same way. They'd been fighting since the beginning of the school year. You'd think, living so close, I'd understand what was going on. But the main issue never came up. Instead I saw them argue about stupid stuff. Who left the mustard out of the fridge? Why can't you do the laundry for once? That sort of thing. Yelling and screaming so loud I thought the super was going to call the cops.

I was sitting on the couch, playing God of War, when my cellphone rang. I assumed it was Denise calling for a quick hookup but it was Lara. She sounded like she'd been crying. She was out at some bar a few blocks down and wanted to know if I could meet up. I think I ran the whole way there.

I found her sitting by herself at a back table. A bunch of empty glasses were laid out in front of her like she'd murdered them. Her eyes were red, her face was puffy, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss her then. Hold her in my arms.

"I-I think Justin and I are breaking up," she told me between sniffles. I didn't know what to say. I reached out and gave her a hug. Her hair smelled like strawberries. Her chest pressed into mine. She sobbed into my shoulder and I prayed that she couldn't feel my erection trying to reach out and poke her. Then finally we separated.

"You want to tell me what's wrong?" I asked.

"I don't know," Lara said, "It just seems like we're fighting all the time and I don't know what to do about it."

"Every couple fights, Lara," I said, "The ones I worry about are the people that don't fight. Who just keep all their feelings bottled up inside."

"No, I know. You're right. It's just. I just don't know anymore."

"Did something happen?"

"I guess," Lara said, "Over the summer we... I don't think I can talk about this. Not with you."

"It's OK," I said, "You're an amazing woman, Lara. Beautiful. Caring. Justin's lucky to have you. You know that right?"

"Thanks," Lara said like she didn't believe a word of it. A waiter brought her another drink -- something dark and strong. She finished it in just one gulp.

"He was my first, you know," Lara said, "I've only ever been with Justin. What about you and Denise?"

"We've both been with other people before," I said. It was true. I'd lost my virginity to some drunk girl freshman year, pretending it was Lara.

"Is it good?" Lara asked, "I mean, the two of you?"

"It's alright," I said. I mean, what was I supposed to answer? 'Yes, I am a god in the bedroom.' Denise seemed to enjoy it and I knew that I did and that was enough for me.

"When you do stuff, does she, like, go down on you?" Lara asked. She said the words 'go down' like she was choking on them.

Oh my God. This conversation alone! I had been hard from the hug before but now my cock was threatening to rocket right out of my pants. I mean, talking sex with Lara?! My dream girl wanted to know about what I did with my girlfriend. Holy fuck.

I nodded. It was all I could do.

"And you?" Lara asked, "You do the same. For her, I mean?"

"Yes," I said, "I mean, of course."

"Really?"

"All the time," I said, "I love it. It's like, she's completely in my control and all it takes is my tongue. Well, and a few fingers."

"Justin. He won't. Well he doesn't always do that. I mean, not never, but..."

"You should tell him you want it," I said, "I mean, if I was with a girl like you and she asked me to lick her I don't think I'd ever stop."

Lara went slightly pink. She finished the dregs of her drink.

"Look, I don't know what's going on with you two," I said, "It's none of my business, I know. But if you're meant to be together you should be able to tell Justin what you want. You know?"

"It's not just a sex thing," Lara said, "It's, like, a lot of stuff. I just don't know what to do anymore."

"You should follow your heart," I said, "You deserve to be happy, Lara. You really do."

The beautiful brunette smiled and gave me a little kiss on the cheek. She promised she was OK to get home. As she turned to leave she looked at me.

"No matter what happens, we're still friends, right?" Lara asked.

"Yes," I told her. Friends. Right.

I went straight over to Denise's place and licked her till she begged me to stop.

The next morning, I passed Justin in the hallway of our apartment. He looked awful, like he hadn't slept all night. He told me he and Lara had talked things out. They were going to try to be together. Make things work.

Denise and I didn't last. We broke up a few weeks later. It just wasn't working. I couldn't be what she wanted, and she couldn't be Lara. So there it was.

Justin and Lara, however, stayed together.

*

Senior year we stayed in the same apartment. I came home one night, a little drunk. I wasn't smashed or anything, just a little stumbly. I opened the door to our apartment and saw Justin and Lara on the couch, watching something on TV that I couldn't make out at first.

He had his arm around her shoulder and I was just lubricated enough for it to hurt me all over again. After Denise, I'd given up on pretending to date and mostly just pined. I spent a lot of my free time trying not to obsess over the girl I could never get. The love of my life. Spoiler alert: it didn't work.

I was about to go back to my bedroom when I heard a loud groan come from the TV. I stopped and walked back into the living room.

"Are you guys watching porn?" I asked.

"Yup!" Lara said. They were both sitting there, just like watching a movie. Both fully clothed. Hands in appropriate places. But there, on the TV, was a blonde girl, completely naked on her bed and getting it from behind. "It's pretty hot," Lara continued, "You want to watch with us?"

Oh my God. I mean, on the one hand? Very much so yes. On the other? I mean, I was already pretty good at torturing myself, but this was probably too far. Even for me. Would we all just sit calmly and watch? What if we all started stroking ourselves or, worse, if the two of them started fooling around on the couch? I didn't want to see that. I mean, I was pretty sure I didn't.

"I'm going to CUM!" the woman on screen screamed.

"Ooo, a creampie!" Lara said, "That's so cool."

I ran off to my room and beat my poor willy silly.

*

The next morning, I ran into Lara making breakfast. Sheepishly, she apologized for what I'd walked into.

"I hope it wasn't weird or anything," Lara said.

"It's fine," I said, "I mean, at least it wasn't Riverdale or something. Now that would have been embarrassing for all three of us."

"As a couple, sometimes we just have spice it up, you know?" Lara said, "It's not something we do all the time. It's just fun sometimes. Justin really likes it."

Guy is into porn -- not exactly a newsflash.

"And I think it's pretty awesome, too," Lara said. That, on the other hand, was front page news. I mean, holy fuck, how hot is that? "Anyway, there's no TV in our bedroom and we thought you'd be out for the night. So... I'm sorry. I feel like I say that a lot. I want to respect your boundaries."

Oh, I wanted the gorgeous brunette to respect my boundaries all right. Respect them so hard they collapsed entirely. But I didn't say that. Instead, I just sighed, resigned to my fate as the forever third-wheel.

I caught them watching porn together a couple other times. Not like, every night or whatever. But enough that, when it happened, we treated it pretty casually. I didn't see enough to get a feel for their particular proclivities or anything weird like that. Most of what I saw was the standard 'dude doing some chick' stuff. But it gave me yet another insight into their relationship. More than was really healthy, probably.

Still, the fantasies kept me going for quite a while.

*

After graduation we moved down to Hoboken, NJ and got another apartment together. We'd settled into this routine where the two of them were the happy couple and I was their creepy shadow. Lara tried to set me up on dates with her friends once or twice. She had to know about my feelings, I mean, I never told her but still. It was obvious.

She didn't mention it, though, and certainly didn't make fun of me or make me feel bad about it. Justin, on the other hand, was totally oblivious. Like a lot of things in life, he just floated by, unaware of the world around him. Lucky fuck.

I'd still hear them at night sometimes. Our new apartment wasn't exactly spacious. Listening to Lara's little grunts and cries while the bed bounced against the wall. It was more than I could bear. But I won't lie, it was also my favorite thing in the world. Getting to hear the woman I loved at her most intimate.

I was sick, is what I'm saying. Messed up. And my friends were about to make it much, much worse.

One night I was watching Cowboy Bebop on Blu-Ray when I got a call from Justin saying he and Lara were down at the bar. He wanted to know if I would join them. He sounded pretty drunk.

I found the happy couple sitting at a table near the back. Lara was leaning into Justin, his arm around her shoulders. She kept whispering to him and they were both giggling. Two half-full beer glasses were in front of them, but I could tell they were both way drunker than all that.

I went to get myself a drink, but Justin jumped up. "Let me get that for you," he said, and motioned for me to sit down.

"Hey buddy," Lara said. She gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek. She had on a little makeup and it made her eyes look even more beautiful than usual. Her cleavage was showing from the V-neck of her dark blue t-shirt. I mean, my God. I sat down in a wobbly wooden chair, if anything just to hide my already-growing erection.

"Did Justin say what's up?" Lara asked.

"He just said to meet you guys here," I said.

"OK. That's good. But listen," Lara said. Man, she was pretty sauced. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen her this bad. "Listen. Whatever he says, just listen. OK?"

"Yes, alright," I said. If this was porn, I reflected, Justin was about to ask me to impregnate Lara for him. Of course, it wasn't, so they were probably about to announce that they were moving out to the suburbs, leaving me to some weirdo roommate who watched too much Star Trek and didn't shower enough. Oh why couldn't life be porn?!

Justin came back with a tray of shots. Literally, a tray of little plastic cups filled with clear-ish liquor. He distributed one to each of us and we drank. Lara shook her head after she'd drained hers, like trying to shake herself loose.

Justin took out another three shots and we did it again. Still, there were like, at least another three shots waiting there for us. Each.

"OK," Justin said, "OK." Then he paused. "Crap I need at least one more." Two more shots went down the hatch. Lara was practically glowing red. I mean, they'd been pretty sloshed when I showed up. Maybe Justin was planning on asking me to take them both to the hospital for alcohol poisoning?

"That's better," Justin said, "OK. Alex, Lara and I need to ask you a favor." He broke out into giggles and my dream girl joined him.

"Ask him," Lara said, "Just ask him."

"One more shot?" Justin asked.

"No, not till you do it," Lara said.

"Fine," Justin said, he straightened himself out. Cleared his throat, "Fine. Alex? Lara and I need a favor. I know it's going to sound weird but there's no one else we trust."

Holy fuck, he really was asking me to impregnate Lara! Dreams do come true! I'm going to Disneyland, bitches!

"Well, the thing is," Justin said, "Lara and I. I mean we. Us. We, ummm, we've been together a long time and while I know you've never been in a long-term relationship you know that you need to grow together and try new things and of course each of you has things you want to try and you have to do those things together or stuff gets stale or worse, starts to break apart, and anyway we were just hoping. I mean, we know you can probably hear us half the time so it's not like it'd be all that different and so we wanted to know if you'd be willing to video us."

Wait. What?

Justin flopped back in his seat like he'd just completed a marathon. Accomplished something amazing. Lara just stared back at me, earnest. Without even thinking I reached for a shot and took it.

"Good," Justin said, "That's good. Good call." He did a shot, too.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I don't think I understand. You want me to... make a video of you?Like with a camera?"

Lara nodded, excitedly. Justin smiled.

"You want me to video you doing what?" I asked.

Justin winked at me. He clacked his tongue, then nodded over at Lara. She turned even redder, then stared down at the table. I sat back, blown. Dumbfounded. I mean, what the everloving fuck?