Mind Games

I know why you came here tonight. You really shouldn't be here. You've been trying to push your way into my life and I'm just not sure if that's what I want. I have my life and my friends and I don't need you. But I know you don't want to befriend me and I know you're not interested in what I want. I know what you want. It's written in your eyes. Your watching, intense eyes. Now you're sitting here, in my living room, where you don't belong. You shouldn't be here. I think I am a little afraid of you.

Now we are just sitting here watching. I don't know what to say or what to do. God, how I hate how you unnerve me! You know exactly how I feel. You want to break my will. You want me to want you. You're sitting here thinking, trying to work out what my next move will be, so you can be there before me, so you can bend me. I can't let you bend me. I can't let you win.

Perhaps we should be elsewhere. Somewhere where there are others around us. I tell you I will go and take a shower first. You laugh and say, don't forget to lock the door. I trust you, I lie. A wary smile.

I walk up the stairs. I know you are watching me at every step. I know that if I turn around I will look straight into your eyes. I can't handle that so I don't turn around. I reach the bathroom and close the door, leaning with my back pressed up against it. You can probably hear every move I make down below me. I don't lock the door.

Slowly I start to unbutton my shirt. Just the feel of my own knuckles against my skin makes me shiver and I can see my flesh react with tiny quivering goose bumps. Crazy. I'm fighting you every step of the way and yet you have my body on high alert. I have no damn control! I let my shirt drop from my shoulders. I smooth my fingers down my body and rest my hands on the curve of my waist. I can feel the chill in the air but my skin feels hot. I move my hands to the back of my skirt and pull the zip downwards. I feel the material slipping down my legs. Everything has suddenly become sensual. My bare feet upon the cold tiles, the gentle swirl of cold air upon my suddenly bared skin.

No, this is crazy. I'll just have a quick shower and we'll leave and we'll see people we know and then it won't just be us. I reach briskly for the clasp at my back and unhook my bra. I drop it to the ground and hook my thumbs into the waistband of my panties, sliding them down. I let them drop to my ankles and kick them away. I turn the hot water in the shower on and turn to the basin.

I look into the mirror and reach up to remove the pins from my hair. I let it cascade and fall, tickling my back gently. Now I look at myself in the mirror. I can see my chest rising and falling rhythmically, the swell of my breasts barely visible in the reflection and the steam from the shower is swirling and spinning in the currents behind me. I am quiet for a moment, straining to hear you. It is silent.

I step into the shower and pull the curtain across. Enclosed within the shower walls, and the flimsy curtain at one side, I adjust the water and then step into the spray, luxuriating in the hot flow. I feel the jet of water hammering my shoulders, punishing my muscles. It is bliss. I lather my sponge, drawing it along my collarbone, down my shoulders and my arm. I repeat the movement, this time bringing the sponge and my hand down along the curve of my breast.

I suddenly sense a change in the atmosphere. My pulse quickens and I know it is you. You are here now. This mere film of plastic is all that protects me from you. I knew all along you would come. But, you knew I knew.

I know you are there, yet you make no move towards me. I begin to run the sponge over my body as though I don't know you are so close to me. Now as the sponge glides over my slippery, sudsy breast, my nipple peaks and hardens. I almost moan at the intense pleasure. I bite my lip. Did you hear me? I think I can almost hear your breath, heaving, heavy breaths. Maybe I am imagining it?

Now I run both hands across my skin. I listen for you. I almost laugh knowing how much you would like to see me, and you can't. You can only imagine what is behind the thin plastic curtain. I am smiling now and I close my eyes and concentrate on teasing the nerves from the straining buds of my nipples, down to the soft, sensitive skin of my thighs. I cup myself and this time I know I moan. I can feel the pulsing from within and now I know you won't pull back the curtain. I am in control here.

I can feel the wetness that isn't coming from the current of water from the shower head. Slick and warm, I run my index finger inside the lips of my womanhood and slowly progress to my clit. I circle it slowly and reposition myself so my back is pressed to the tiles and I am facing the curtain, my legs parted, my head thrown back, and my finger traveling around and around, rubbing harder, deliciously sensual. I thrust my middle finger deep inside me and a whimper escapes me. In deep, now another finger. Oh god, I thrust inside myself again. I can feel my slickness and my juices start to flow more freely.

An ecstasy is building within me and I am beginning to feel weak at the knees. My left hand is stroking and teasing, rubbing and flicking, fingers plunging and thrusting. I am running my other hand across my body, grazing my nails lightly across my stomach and my sensitive skin, up across the swollen globes of my breasts. I moan softly, a catch in my breath as the first wave envelopes me. I cry out, a sob, oh god! Pleasure erupts in floods through my body and my mind explodes into a rainbow of colours. I slump against the tiled wall as wave after wave of bliss shudders through my body.

Gradually I become aware of you. I can hear you breathing, ragged and urgent. Have I unsettled you? I smile.

I begin sponging myself down again and I can hear the whoosh of the door as you open and close it gently. I hear your quiet footsteps as you pad down the hall to the stairs. I continue lathering myself and gasp at the exquisite pleasure, near pain, as I drag the rough surface of the sponge across my tender clit. I finish and let the water trickle across my body, sending the soapy suds gurgling around my feet towards the drain.

I turn off the shower and step from the shower recess, grabbing a towel and drying myself briskly. I wrap the towel around me and walk to my bedroom. I throw on the pair of jeans that are lying carelessly across the chair and open my closet and slip into the closest shirt. I untangle my hair with a comb and tie it back casually. I slip my feet into my shoes and head downstairs.

You are sitting there, still in my living room. You look up as I enter. Your eyes are as intense as ever, but now there is a yearning. You are looking at me. You don't know what to say or do. I unnerve you. I know exactly how you feel. I know you want me. I can break your will. Now you are mine. I think I win this round.

I ask you, shall we go?