"Well that was disappointing."
"Oh come on! You really hated that?" My girlfriend at the time, Christine, had never seen Star Wars. I felt that needed to be rectified immediately.
"Yes it was stupid! I didn't understand half of what was going on!"
I wanted to tell her that was probably because she had her face buried in her phone the entire time. We'd had a number of fights about her texting and social media when we were together. I had given up trying to argue the point.
The truth was we weren't compatible, and not just by a small amount. She hated sports, most of my favorite movies, and had crazy religious beliefs I didn't share.
I mean, she had already tried to get me to convert to Catholicism. I'm Jewish. Not happening.
So why was I still with her? It was a great question. I guess it was because Christine was the first girl I had been with in any way, and I mean any way. I couldn't get girls to go out with me in high school to save my life. I joked with my friends that I could have been carrying wads of cash and it still wouldn't happen.
I never had a good answer for why this was. It certainly wasn't for a lack of effort. I guess I was too much the nice guy. I either had a knack for asking out girls who were already taken or who were more interested in party types. I would much rather watch a ballgame or play Madden than go to a bar, either at that time or today.
Frankly Christine was the first girl that didn't tell me no, and I clung to her because of that for way too long.
Of course if I hadn't I would never have met my wonderful wife Andrea, but we'll get to that.
I was a sophomore at the University and Christine was a freshman. We met by happenstance in the cafeteria. She was waiting in front of us in line and my friend Chris overheard her make a comment that was she was looking for a "nice guy" after dumping her "borderline abuser" boyfriend. He had elbowed me and indicated in front of us. We then heard her tell her friend about her plans to Disney World with her family later that month. It so happened that Chris and I had just gone that summer with a few of our other friends.
"You know you should make sure to catch the illuminations show at Epcot. It's spectacular," I blurted out.
We spent the next two hours talking all things Disney. She was flirty with me in a way girls never had been before. I was hooked. She wasn't exactly a 10 but she wasn't unattractive either by any means and that was more than good for me given my history, or lack thereof.
Things were great for a month or two. She wouldn't let me go very far with her for religious reasons, but she was always happy to take care of me, which I greatly appreciated. It was first time anyone besides me had touched my penis and I simply loved that a girl was doing it. I did love playing with her terrific 34C breasts, but that's as far as she ever let me go.
I actually realized fairly quickly that there wasn't going to be a future, but what can I say, I was a college guy who didn't want to give up access I'd spent my entire life to that point looking for.
My friends thought I should move on. They kept telling me so. I almost let them convince me a week prior.
I am forever grateful that I ignored their advice.
Getting back to the aftermath of when we saw Star Wars, I was about to throw her a bone and offer up "Sweet Home Alabama" or something similar when she showed me an email on her phone.
"Ooh check this out! We can still make it!"
I looked at the screen and couldn't believe what I was looking at.
OMEGA CHI DELTA- KAPPA LAMDA NU MEN VS WOMEN STRIP TRIVIA
TONIGHT 10 PM
Admission: $35/person
One man and one woman will be randomly selected to face off in strip trivia. Contestants will rotate questions from audience selected categories. For every 500 points the opponent loses an article of clothing. Questions will vary in difficulty with different point values.
The contestants aren't just playing for themselves, they're playing for their entire sex! The first one who gets naked, all men or women depending on the contestant must also get naked and remain so for the evening! We will lock the doors and no one leaves until 2 a.m.!
Rules: Students only, no faculty. No touching allowed without permission. No one leaves early. We will make sure the contestants' articles of clothing are even. This is supposed to be light and fun!
"What do you think? I think we should do it!" Christine said enthusiastically.
A million thoughts went through my head. What if the guy lost? Would I have to be naked in front of any girls from my classes?
I had of course been naked for Christine but I was always aroused when I was. She'd told me she'd had two boyfriends prior to me and said while I didn't compare favorably to them my size was still "good", though I thought she might be humoring me.
She had never seen my regular state. Not that I ever paid any attention in the locker room but I was sure I had nothing to write home about there.
I won't lie, the idea of being naked in front of a bunch of girls without arousal terrified me. I had always fantasied about it but it suddenly seemed very different in reality.
Then again, I was in college, and once I thought about what might happen if the guy won, I couldn't stop picturing an evening with numerous sexy college coeds. Maybe I would get to see some of the hotties from my classes!
Once I thought about that there was no way we weren't going.
"Sounds great, let's do it!" I remember hoping I had showed a proper amount of enthusiasm.
"Great because I already texted Tracy and Mary. They're going to join us."
I didn't really get along with either of them but I couldn't say I wouldn't be interested in seeing them naked, Mary especially.
I was surprised how packed the place was when we got there. There had to be several hundred people. We met Christine's friends and all signed in. Until then it hadn't really occurred to me that we could be contestants but it seemed the odds were slim.
We were each given a buzzer type device that had six buttons. "Everything will he explained," we were told.
There was some early mingling but I was never one for really engaging people I didn't know. I certainly noticed there were a number of very pretty women. I would be lying if I said I wasn't starting to imagine possibilities.
"All right everyone gather around please!"
In the center of the room were a guy who looked big enough to play offensive line and a girl who couldn't been more than 5'0" and 100 pounds. Her big rack looked out of proportion to her size. It was the girl who was speaking.
"Welcome to our annual event!" She shouted to applause. "This is always our biggest joint fund raiser between our two organizations."
She continued talking but I hadn't realized this was an annual event. It showed the lack of circles I ran in, I suppose.
"Girls if you're selected the items are socks, shirt, pants, bra and panties. Socks count as one item." That got my attention for sure.
"And for our gentleman who is selected," the guy spoke for the first time. "We'll count your belt, or if you don't have one, socks can count as two. No over-layers."
"We'll have six categories," the girl spoke again. "Five questions each ranging between 100 to 500 points and increasing in difficulty. 500 points loses a piece of clothing for your opponent."
"You've each been given a device," the guy said. "Every question YOU vote for the category. Highest vote wins. But choose wisely. People have been burned before. You never know what someone might be an expert in, and that goes both ways. Not every guy knows football and not every chick knows art."
"The contestant chooses the point value," the girl said.
"Of course you are up there playing for all the men or women in this room," the guy said. "And that includes us by the way." He pointed to the girl and then himself.
There were some murmurs from the crowd, from both men and women.
"We've rotated winners every year for the past five," the girl said.
"Which means it's our turn to win this year!" The guy roared. The men in the room joined in.
"Not if our lady has anything to say about it!" The women hooted and hollered.
"Time to pick our contestants!" The guy said.
The girl reached back and took a pink hat from the table on stage.
"Drumroll please!"
The guy pretended to drumroll on this thighs.
"Our female contestant is Stacy Hackett! Come on up!"
There was applause as a roughly 5'5" blonde walked up to the stage. She had shoulder length hair and looked very girl next door in her red t-shirt and jeans. She had a gorgeous body.
"Drumroll again please!"
The big guy let his co-host pretend to a drumroll as he grabbed the blue hat. "Our male contestant is, Rick French!"
I froze as I heard my name called. I couldn't believe it. My heart started pounding and it suddenly felt like I was sweating buckets. I looked over at Christine and her friends who were all howling with laughter. Christine made to push me forward.
"Rick French come on up buddy! Don't be shy!"
It seemed like the stage was a mile away as I walked toward it. I suddenly felt very conspicuous. As I got to the stage I looked out and realized there were a ton of people. I walked across and shook Stacy's hand, and those of the two hosts.
"Ok good you're wearing a belt, so your socks count as one item," the guy said to me.
I looked down as if to verify what he said. Indeed I was. I was also in a black t-shirt and khaki shorts. It had been a hot day.
Stacy and I were asked to remove our shoes and take our places at our podiums.
"All right are we ready to play?"
The crowd roared.
"Okay our categories are:
"Tools of the Writer's Trade"
"Quarterback U - Match the quarterback to his college"
