A short summary to date: Nigel and Melissa are in love. Sylvia is Melissa's English counterpart in London for the same company Melissa works at, Bigsby and Co. Sylvia and Nigel's brother Geoff are in love. Sylvia is also in love with Nigel and Melissa is often tempted by Geoff. The four of them have worked out a tentative occasional partner swap but Melissa is still hoping to snag Nigel as a husband and she is hoping he will propose at some point. Sylvia feels the same way about Geoff. Jane is Melissa's best friend.
I. Jane and Melissa in an East Village Bar
I was in full blown panic mode. Thank goodness my best friend forever Jane agreed to meet me at our favorite East Village Bar on First Avenue. I saw Jane come into the bar. She was dressed for a hook-up bar, all right. She was sporting an outfit that would doubtless inspire men to come over to ask to join us and to buy us drinks. I did not need that.
"Thanks for coming, Jane," I said.
"What's the emergency?" she asked.
"Nigel," I said.
"No shit, Sherlock. That's a given. What about him?" Jane asked.
"His father is coming to New York and he wants to meet me," I said.
"Oh, my goodness! Meeting the parents? That's serious. Are you that serious about him?" Jane asked.
"Not his parents. Nothing was said about his mother. It's just his father. Presumably he has a mother, right?" I said.
"Most men do. Women do too, actually, we just don't admit it," Jane said. "So...you're going to meet the old Duke of Cock himself?" Jane observed.
"Don't call him that! To you and to me he is just Mr. Clark!" I said.
"Awww. Killjoy. I love his noble title you gave him, Lord Clark, the Duke of Cock. Do you think he is?" Jane asked.
"Is what?"
"The Duke of Cock, of course!" Jane said, the ends of her mouth twisting just a little to reveal the hint of a smile.
"Well his two sons are the most amazing men I've ever, uh, you know, and if you believe in inherited traits, well..." I stumbled.
My sex life began at an age too young to tell you, and it went full speed from there and it never stopped. By the time I graduated college (two years ago) I knew everything I ever could want to know about men in bed and their peccadillos. I guess I had sowed enough wild oats to reseed Sherwood Forest were it to be opened to logging. I was an expert on sex, but not on emotions. Who knew what I wanted from a partner for life? I sure didn't.
"Do I need to introduce the two men to my Mom?" I asked Jane. My Mom was only 16 years older than I which made her 40 years old. My Dad had knocked her up when she was in high school and six years later he died while having a job interview in the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, on September 11, 2001. That's why I've been on birth control for almost ten years, and I'm only just 24 years old. My Mom insisted, just in case the sexpot did not fall far from the vixen.
My Mom is also a MILF. She's probably the sexiest MILF in the State of New York. If she wants a man and goes after him, he can kiss his precious free will goodbye. And now she might meet the old Duke of Cock himself? That spells trouble!
And what about Geoff with his monster cock and together with his brother Nigel their unmatched fucking techniques? Sylvia told me Geoff is 34 years old (Nigel is 30), and that's only six years younger than my Mom. What if my Mom went after Geoff? Sylvia would never forgive me. Not to mention how weird it would be for my Mom to be intimate with my lover's brother!
"Can't you tell your Mom to chill? She must know how important Nigel is to you," Jane said. "Anyway, they do not have to meet your Mom this visit, you know."
"Right," I said in heavily sarcastic intonation. Jane knew my Mom. Telling my Mom to chill was like telling a politician not to lie. Telling her not to meet the Dad of my true love, my heartthrob, was like telling her to take a sudden winter vacation in Alaska. It was not going to happen.
"When does the old Duke of Cock arrive?" Jane asked.
I thought to remind her again not to call him that, but gave up. "Tomorrow," I said.
"Dress nice and smile a lot. Not too sexy, if you can manage that," Jane said.
"You came this close to having my glass of white wine thrown in your face just now," I said, squeezing my fingers together in illustration.
As predicted, two men came over and hit on us. Since I am now Nigel's girl, I made an excuse and politely left the bar, leaving Jane to choose between the men. I figured she'd go with the one who was growing a beard. Four days growth of a beard looks sexy. Jane always looks sexy and she likes sexy men. She also likes the inevitable outcome which of course is sex, sex, and more sex. I guess that does not make her that unusual.
I went home and waited for Nigel to arrive. He came home an hour later; the man works much too hard and keeps much too long hours at work. Jane had once idly wondered aloud if he really was at work, or out drinking with the boys or carousing with floozies. I was sure he was not like that. I was mostly sure. I was fairly sure. I was reasonably sure. I actually had no idea.
I guess I could check up on him? I don't want to be like that. His Dad arrives tomorrow. Focus, Melissa, focus! I made us some dinner. Branzino, roasted with baby zucchini, fresh from the farmer's market, with some thyme and basil.
I laid out a selection of outfits for the Meet-the-Duke-of-Cock ceremony in the morrow. They were my most conservative work clothes. I felt like an Amish woman, trying to look modest.
II.Nigel's Dad Mark Clark, aka the Duke of Cock, arrives in New York
"His taxi is stuck in traffic but he should be here soon. Where are you going?" Nigel asked me.
"To pee," I said.
"What, again?" Nigel asked. "Drink too much water, did you?"