(RECAP: The Aftermath of a Prank Most Foul)
"Chill Mintzy; I'm feeling a little faded."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, just let me sit down for a minute." I was feeling queasy as Mintzy knelt there taking stock of the situation. She looked genuinely concerned for my welfare. I sat on the open toilet staring at my dirty bathroom hookup.
"Aw goddammit to hell; Renee done gone too fucking far with them stupid ass pranks!! Now my baby can't like, close the deal and everything. Well, lucky for you I ain't come empty handed or nothing."
"Huh?"
"Well I used to study a bit of nursing before I got myself married and all with Bruno; so I know a few things brotha."
"What, uh no Mintzy, please." She was already righting herself.
"Now don't you go giving me no lip; I'm petty good about all this medical stuff. I kinda figured you'd be like, internally compromised, so I bought a little something with me from the store." I wasn't liking the sound of this at all. Mintzy was pulling her skirt awkwardly up, huge breasts dangling right before my eyes.
"Please god no, Mintzy." My stomach was starting to act up as she slipped back into her top failing to notice it was inside out.
"Shut up your mouth kid; I ain't gonna hurt you none; I admit I was a little selfish wanting mine before helping you out. We've gotta get you squared away and all, okay?"
She didn't care that I was shaking my head profusely in the negative. The smile on her face was supposed to be reassuring, but I had a difference of opinion as she unlocked the door giving me a glimpse of a plastic bag hanging on the outside handle.
"Mintzy I think I would like to go to a medical facility, if you don't mind?"
"You don't need no fucking hospital brotha, it's real simple you see; we just gotta empty you out. So, it's either an enema or you walking around for the rest of the day in a diaper." She produced a small box containing her boorish suggestion with every intent of using it whether I liked it or not.
"Fuck me stupid."
"Don't worry about it; I used to do this all the time for my uncle Sal when he got himself backed up." Mintzy grinned opening the box.
"This ain't over." I didn't mean it towards Mintzy.
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MAXIMUM BADONKADONK Ch. 02
Featuring: Shawnee Thompson a.k.a Ms. WTF?!! (34A-32-??)
Forty five minutes later I was considerably some pounds lighter thanks to the "assistance" of Mintzy standing outside the apartment building of my other future superstar, still bristling at the humiliation I'd received. On my way over I'd checked the released teaser and short clip of Ms. WTF finding them keeping pace with Chi Town Thunda. I already knew what I was doing and eager to get more content back up for the launch of my site.
I checked my messages again finding nothing from either of the two women who'd made my life miserable today. Seems like they were laying low which puzzled me because I didn't figure Renee to be the type. She usually came on like gang busters several steps ahead of her target before making the first move. This should've worried me, but I had righteous indignation on my side as I dialed up Shawnee.
"What's up?" She sounded like she hadn't moved since we'd spoken earlier in the day.
"Hey, I'm outside; is it okay to come over?"
"Shit man, I thought you were flaking on me." Her voice sounded glib, but I was starting to realize it was part of her self defense mechanism. I figured that few took Shawnee seriously and were shocked when she actually meant business.
"Not even, just got sidetracked for a hot minute."
"You fuck your girlfriend?"
"What girlfriend?" Shawnee was an unapologetic hen to the hilt, always fishing for information.
It was an undesirable trait, but I'd inadvertently opened the door to her query by stunting the first time we met. Shawnee laughed at my response. I could hear a television playing in the background affirming her as a sedentary creature of habit. It was something I'd deal with for the time being to get content. My stomach was still queasy from "food poisoning" making it unlikely that I'd get any footage of the boy girl variety.
"I bet you end up fucking that girl."
"Oh yeah, why's that?"
"Because you guys are in love." Shawnee laughed, weakly hiding her fishing attempt.
"Uh whatever; so am I coming inside or we just having a phone conversation?"
"Chill, come on inside." She abruptly hung up leaving me staring at her apartment building from the opposite of the street. The place looked no less sketchy and urban dangerous, but I had money to make in no uncertain terms.
There was a security door that led into the building that I found criminally ajar. It looked like someone battered the heavy reinforced door with a bludgeon of some sort. There was a thick glass window in the door covered with mesh wiring that was fractured and crumbling, but I pushed inside walking up the short stairs to Shawnee's apartment. I wondered if I'd have to split time between her and Porsha Simms, an earlier "starlet" discovered through a relative. I knocked on the door finding it unlocked prior to my arrival.
"Hey, its me; can I come inside Shawnee?"
"OPEN THAT DOOR FOOL!!" I did a doubletake thinking she was feeling herself already. It was triggering after what I'd gone through earlier. Before I could lose it, the door was quickly yanked open providing me with instant shock and a fight or flight reflex.
"Oh uh, shit."
I found myself looking directly at the chiseled chest and twelve pack abdomen of a guy at least a head taller than my cousin Jaquan. This guy was really dark skinned and cut all over with defined sinewy arms born in a gym. I had to look up at his face which was surprisingly juvenile with a barely there five o'clock shadow. A do-rag bandana covered his smallish head which was adorned with a innocuous stony expression.
"ANDRE, GET YOUR ASS OUT THE DOOR AND LET HIM COME IN HERE!!"
Shawnee yelled from her perpetual perch on the couch. I could feel a wall of humidity wafting from the small apartment along with a musty odor as I realized this guy was only wearing a pair of boxer briefs.
"Sorry sir; my bad."
"It's cool, it's just a business meeting uhm, Andre?" I offered my hand because I felt it was the respectable thing to do. He shook it gingerly as I noticed how small my hand looked in comparison to his own.
"He ain't my fucking husband." Shawnee laughed at our exchange as I cautiously stepped inside.
There was a bit of déjà vu as entered the apartment indeed finding Shawnee Thompson reclining on the couch in her cramped living room. The omnipresent odor of marijuana intermingled with everything else making me a bit queasy as I entered the living room planting my camera bag on the coffee table next to a large hookah pipe.
There were several bags of takeout and other snacks littering the table along with a few beers. Continuing the familiar tone was the big baggy, extra-large fleece sweats hiding her body. This time her clothes were a magenta tone while her surprisingly tiny feet were bare. Andre was still loitering by the door almost as if waiting for further orders.
