This ongoing story is a fantasy based very loosely on actual events and real people. As always, any similarities to any persons, places, or things, or anything you have heard before is a complete accident.
*****
I noticed I was staring at the ceiling, and figured I must be awake.
What did I do? I started out last night thinking that it was going to be 'the night' with Jamie. Jamie, my next door neighbor who was 15 years younger than me. For weeks we had been masturbating together on opposite sides of the wall. The other night I went to her apartment and we did it face to face, watching each other. Then last night we went to a neighbor's party. Jamie got pulled away by her needy friend. I was left standing there for a long time, and then Ashley came over.
Ashley, I thought, picturing her pretty face, her curly blonde hair, and imagining her body pressed against me. I started to grow hard. I had never slept with a woman I barely knew before, but it seemed right. It seemed like fate; at least it did last night.
Lying there in the early morning, I started to have doubts. We hardly knew each other. What if we spent some time together and realized we had no business being together? Take it easy, I said to myself. If there was a future with Ashley, it would happen soon enough. If not, I tried to tell myself, at least I got laid.
I knew I had to talk to Jamie. That poor girl, I kept thinking. What was I going to say? Sorry you ditched me, and I hooked up with someone else? Someone my age, someone I probably had much more in common with. It's better this way, I thought. She'll get over me and meet someone her own age. Someone who'll treat her right. They'll have a bunch of kids. She'll be happy eventually.
I got out of bed and did my Saturday morning errands early, just to have something to do. I came home and settled into my recliner, dreading the conversation I knew I had to have. Finally I figured it was time. I walked outside and over to Jamie's door. I knocked, and for several seconds there was silence. Maybe she wasn't home, I thought. Maybe she was just going to avoid me. I started to feel relieved. Maybe I didn't have to deal with this after all.
The door opened, and Jamie was standing there. "What?" She said.
I found myself suddenly speechless. "I umm..." I stammered out.
"Did you fuck her?" Jamie blurted out. I nodded solemnly. Jamie's shoulders slumped. "I thought maybe you were different," she said. "I thought maybe, an older man... but you're just like all the rest."
She wasn't wrong, I supposed, but I still felt the urge to defend myself. "You ditched me," I was saying before I really thought it through, "And what were we anyway? It's not like we were dating..."
Jamie reached out and grabbed me by the arm, and pulled me into her apartment. She slammed the door shut behind me. "You're going to tell me... what we did... meant nothing to you?" She asked, pointing emphatically at me.
"No," I said. "But..." I started to say.
"But what?" Jamie said, "Don't say I ditched you again."
I was going to say that, but I stopped. "You're too young for me," I said.
"Oh, now I'm too young for you?" Jamie shouted.
"Yeah, you need to go find someone your own age," I said.
"And cheating on me was your oh-so-subtle way of saying that, huh?" Jamie said. She looked like she was going to try to hit me.
"I didn't cheat on you!" I found myself shouting. "We weren't together! We kissed once!"
Jamie took a deep breath. When she spoke again, she sounded completely calm, "You don't really believe that, do you?" She asked.
I took a deep breath. "No I don't," I mumbled. "I'm sorry. I really am. Nothing like last night ever happened to me before. We just... connected. I felt so guilty. But I still believe our age difference would've been a problem eventually. You're going to want to get married and start a family, and I've been down that road already. You have your whole life ahead of you. I'm 40. I'm going to start playing golf and wearing funny pants. I'm going to start needing reading glasses and my body is going to start breaking down."
Jamie was staring at me. "Well, if that's what you really think," she said. "You're probably right about the age thing. I do want to have a family and I figured that would be a problem with you." She paused. "I wanted to just focus on the now, and have a little fun. The 'right guy' might not come along for years." She paused again. "Look, I know Ashley a little." I was looking at the floor, and I looked up at her, startled. "Yeah, I know who you fucked last night, and she's a good person. She probably is more right for you than I am. So go be with her. I'll be fine. I've been through worse."
I was speechless. "I... I don't know what to say..." I stammered out.
"Just go," Jamie said. "Call her. Be good to her." I felt myself frozen in place. "Go!" She shouted. "Before I beat the shit out of you."
I turned and almost walked right into the door. Jamie opened it for me and I scurried out of her apartment and back into mine. What was I, relieved? That went way better than I thought it would. There was no crying. There was very little screaming. Jamie just told me to go ahead and be with Ashley. Everything was going to be okay.
I settled back into my recliner. I placed my iPhone on the arm of the chair. Do I call her now? Do I wait a while? That debate went on for an hour. I would stare at my phone, and then I would ignore it for a while. How would the conversation go? Would she be happy to hear from me? Was she having second thoughts? Was she sitting there thinking she made some huge mistake and that it would be better off if I never called?
Finally, I worked up enough courage to pick up the phone. I scrolled through the contacts until I found Ashley's name. I took a deep breath, and called her. One ring... two rings... three rings... I started to think she wasn't going to answer and I would have to leave a message, and then she answered. "Hey you," she said.
"Hey," I said, "How are you?"