Looing Bacwards

This is part three of my experiences from 4 years ago. Thanks for taking the time to read and please feel free to leave me any comments or questions.

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"Caroline, can I speak to you for a second?" said Paul

"Of course Paul." I said as I caught my breath.

Our contemporary dance class had just wrapped up and I was sweating profusely. I was taking off my dance shoes and swapping them out for my street shoes when he walked over.

"This entire week it's been like you've been almost a different person in class." Paul continued. "It seems like there's more freedom to your dynamics and movements. I'm not sure what the change has been, but wow, seriously, keep it up."

My roommate Gabi who had been within earshot gave me a knowing look as she came closer. "I told you!" She remarked. I had told Gabi all about my modeling experience with Ron the week before and she immediately noticed how it had affected my dancing. I had noticed as well. Two weeks previously I had always felt self conscious of bringing my feminine side to my art. I was fine being graceful and poised, but not sensual or even womanly. Now, I felt less inhibited about touching my body, spreading my legs apart, or moving my hips in a way that suggested sexuality. Suddenly I didn't care what people thought of me moving in that way. Quite the opposite. More and more I'd been enjoying the attention and feeling of power it gave me to exhibit this new side of myself.

Gabi's jaw had dropped when I told her the whole story about how far the photo shoot had gone and she was dying to see the final images. Ron had said that it would take a few days for him to get all of the photos together, edit them, and that he'd call me when they were ready to look at.

I finished tying my shoes and pulled on a pair of red shorts over my white leotard. Gabi and I walked a little ways off campus and met up with her friend Kristen for lunch. Most of our friends had left for the summer, but we had decided to stay in school, mostly because we knew we needed to keep up our dance rehearsals to stay sharp, but also we wanted to try out for a dance company that did a few small artistic performances throughout the year. We had met Kristen, a super cute girl from San Antonio, who was a theater major during a school performance, and she and Gabi had clicked immediately. We sat together on a wooden bench, with Gabi next to me and Kristen across the table from us.

I heard my phone ping as I received a text. I picked up my phone and the text was from Ron. "Caroline, sorry it has taken me a while to get all of the photos on my computer, but they are ready if you'd like to swing by later this afternoon around 6."

I showed my phone to Gabi who immediately gushed "Oh my God! I'm so excited!" while she wrapped her arms around me.

"Relax Gabi!" I said, but I was feeling anything but relaxed. I had butterflies in my stomach. Not only from getting to see the photos, but this would be the first time I'd seen Ron or his wife since the shoot. I was wondering what our relationship was going to be after such an intense experience. Was it just a professional artistic relationship? It was all new territory for me, and I had no idea who I would even begin to talk with about it.

"What are you both so excited about?" Kristen chimed in.

Gabi looked at me to see if she had permission to talk about my experience and I shrugged my shoulders to say "It's totally up to you."

"Last week Caroline modeled for a photographer she had met and he wanted her to come by to see them."

"That's cool," Kristen replied. "That couldn't have been the first time you've had photos done. I mean dancers get photos pretty often. How was it? What'd you model?"

Gabi looked at me while I once again shrugged.

"Nada." Gabi said.

It took a moment to register, but then I saw the meaning click in Kristen's mind. "Wait, you modeled nude? You? Holy crap Caroline! I mean if Gabi did it I wouldn't be surprised at all! But you?!? I mean you are stunning, so who wouldn't want to see you naked. I don't know if I'm more shocked or impressed!"

Gabi was punching me in the shoulder with both hands as she couldn't control her excitement and I replied "No one is more surprised than me!"

Kristen pressed us for details and we filled her in without going into too much detail. She kept looking at me as if I were someone new she was just now meeting, still trying to reconcile her idea of who she thought I was, to the person sitting in front of her now. After we finished Kristen was smiling ear to ear.

"Caroline, all I can say is that I'm really proud of you for taking such a big step out of your comfort zone. Is that something you'd want to do again? If so, I know a couple of photography students that would die to be able to photograph you! Nude or otherwise."

"Let's all slow down here." I said to Kristen. " Let me see how these images turn out and then we'll talk about it."

I turned my attention back to my phone, texted Ron that I'd be free later this afternoon and that I'd love to swing by and see how they turned out. I waited a few moments and he replied that he should be home by 5:30 and just to swing by the house then.

After classes ended I headed home and hopped in the shower so I would be a bit more presentable than my sweat covered dance outfit. I picked out a rose colored jersey tank top and a pair of rolled up black denim shorts. The shirt was one I usually used over a leotard. It was pretty flimsy and showed a fair amount of side boob without a bra. Bra or no bra? It's not like either Ron or his wife hadn't seen my breasts before, so no bra. Driving over to Ron's I was thinking back to our shoot together and thought about how much having his wife Shannon there, watching our shoot and specifically watching me, had turned me on. I'd always enjoyed being on stage performing and felt more alive when dancing for an audience. But being watched like this? Why was it so erotic to me?

My phone pinged again when I pulled up to the light not 5 minutes away from Ron's house. I glanced at my phone. Ron had texted: "Caroline, so sorry but leaving a little late from work. Kyle is there so just feel free to wait. Be there asap."

Shannon had mentioned their two sons, and Kyle being the younger, was going to be a senior in high school this year. Both sons were home for the summer, but really seemed to keep their own schedules according to Shannon. "It seems like I'm eventually going to meet their entire family." I thought.

I pulled up in front of their house and strolled up to the front door, pressed the bell and waited. After about 30 seconds I could hear footsteps from inside and the front door opened. Kyle opened the front door and immediately a look of surprise and then recognition flashed across his face.

"Oh wow! You're Caroline!" Kyle gushed. He opened the door wider and he quickly looked me up and down, his eyes eventually resting on my breasts which were pretty apparent in the thin shirt I was wearing, then catching himself, he remembered to look at my face. Kyle had dark hair, similar to how I imagined Ron must have been at that age. He was close to 6 foot with a high schooler athletic build, the kind boys these days feel they need to impress girls.

"Yeah, that's me!" I replied. "Um, I'm supposed to meet your dad here but he texted and said he was running a bit late but that I could just wait here if that's okay with you?"

"Are you kidding? You are like totally welcome to wait. Come in!" Kyle exclaimed as he opened the door fully inviting me inside. I stepped inside the airy living room that just a week ago I had used as a changing room. Kyle invited me to sit on the couch and asked if I wanted anything to drink?

"Just water would be great."

"So I guess you are a model?" Kyle shouted from the kitchen.

"I'm really more of a dancer, but thought I'd try modeling after your dad offered to photograph me."

"And how was it?" Kyle continued.

"A lot different than I had thought it would be!" I replied. "But your dad made it really easy. He said that he had the photos ready and wanted to look them over together."

As Kyle walked back into the room, there was still a hint of familiarity in how he looked at me. He had a nervous energy, that could have just been him, or caused by the flimsy shirt I was wearing. As he walked over and handed me my water then, surprisingly he sat down right next to me instead of across from me.

"Well, looking at you, I'm sure they are really hot." said Kyle as he leaned in slightly. "So is modeling something you'd want to do more of?"

"I'm not sure." I thought aloud. "Dancers always need current photos. I've done a couple of dance photoshoots, but working with your dad was just totally different from those. Maybe modeling will be useful for my career as a dancer, but who knows?"

"Well someone as beautiful as you could definitely do it for a living."

As we continued talking, it became pretty obvious that Kyle was hitting on me. I was amazed at how confident he seemed in his ability to charm me. Just then Ron walked in and said, "Hey Caroline, so sorry I'm late. I guess there's no need to introduce you to my youngest. How was your day Kyle?"

"Eh, nothing special. Ted and I went to the gym." Kyle answered.

"Caroline, are you ready to check out the photos?" Ron said smiling.

"Totally!" I answered. "I've been excited to see how they turned out for the past week!"

"Okay, come on back to my office and I'll show them to you on my main computer screen." Ron said as he guided me back to his office.

"Nice meeting you Kyle." I said getting up from where we had been sitting together and putting out my hand.

"Yeah, really great meeting you too Caroline. Hopefully I'll see more of you soon." Kyle said as he took my hand and gave it a firm grasp.

I followed Ron back into his office as he clicked on the monitor button. Then he pulled over an extra chair next to his and launched his photo browser. There were lots of little thumbnail images. As he clicked the first one it filled up the screen with a beautiful photo of me wearing my black leotard, turned slightly sideways so that my hips were in profile but both shoulders were visible. The sheerness of the leotard left nothing to the imagination as my breasts were clearly visible through the transparent fabric. Ron slowly clicked from image to image. In the photos I noticed my nipples become smaller and harder. I recalled how excited I had become being watched by Ron and his wife while he photographed me. As I sat there looking at my photos, I felt my nipples start to stiffen again.

"What do you think so far?" Ron asked.

"These are amazing Ron!" I replied. I leaned in towards the screen and I felt my left breast touch the back of Ron's arm. "I love how you cropped this so that my upper body fills the frame." If Ron had noticed, he didn't say anything.

"Thanks Caroline. Yeah, I really loved how your blond hair contrasted against the dark color of the leotard and the dark background. Being able to see through your top adds a sense of depth, and of course shows off what an amazing figure you have." He pointed out.

I felt Ron's arm gently press back against my breast adding a little bit of pressure.

"Now here's where you swapped into the sundress." He said as he moved on to the next set of photos.

These images felt different. I was used to seeing myself as a dancer, but these just showed me in a way I wasn't used to seeing. I looked sexy, sensual, and in control of both. Looking at them made me feel confident and powerful.

"I'm amazed to see myself like this Ron." I said putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Well, then here's the last set."

He clicked the first image and the setting changed to their bedroom. These images were in black and white, and there I was, lying on their bed. I was completely nude and my legs were wide open. Every part of me was visible. I remembered how at that moment I had wanted Ron and Shannon to watch me and desire me. The next image was a lower angle and I marveled at seeing my pussy from this vantage point for the first time in my life.

As Ron slowly advanced through the images the perspective shifted. This was the point at which he handed the camera to Shannon. He had moved between my legs with his arms pushing my thighs apart as he buried his face into me. As I looked at these last images I felt my heart beating in my chest. The last two images were close ups of my face as Ron had brought me to orgasm. My eyes were wide and my mouth was open. I was sweating, my hair was a mess and my expression was something I'd never seen before. Equal parts agony and also ecstasy. Honestly the image wasn't beautiful in a traditional sense, but it had an authenticity to it that I couldn't fully absorb.

"I'm just overwhelmed by these Ron." I said as I hugged him around the neck. "There's so much here that I've never seen in myself!"

"That was mostly my goal Caroline! I'm so glad that you like how they turned out. I put all of the finished images on this drive and this is for you to keep." Ron said as he handed me a small thumb drive.

We talked for a little while about his favorite images until I heard the side door open and Shannon popped her head in.

"Caroline!" She exclaimed as she crossed the room and embraced me warmly. "It's so wonderful to see you again! What did you think of the photos? Ron showed them to me and I am floored by how beautiful you look and my God, you look so hot! They were turning me on just looking at them!"

"I'm really floored by seeing myself this way. I mean I never even imagined I could do something like creating these kinds of images. I really owe it all to Ron." I replied

"He does make magic when people are willing to open themselves up like you did." Shannon said as she pulled away a little but still keeping both hands on my shoulders. "And wow, this t-shirt!"

I raised my arms and did a little pirouette to show off my simple outfit. Shannon moved closer with her eyes locked on my chest, and then raised her hands and placed them softly on my breasts.

"You really do have the most perfect set of tits I've ever seen Caroline." Shannon said as she gave them a small squeeze. "You just have to let Ron photograph you again someday."

"Oh yeah! I'de totally be down for that sometime!" I replied as she withdrew her hands. I halfway wanted to grab her hands and place them back on me. I'd never really been touched like that by another woman, and Shannon's touch felt warm and familiar.

"Actually," Ron posited, "I wanted to ask you about that Caroline. Do you remember the other photo you had mentioned seeing on my website? The one with the tattooed arms holding the woman across her chest?"

"Oh yeah!" I replied as I had mentioned how beautiful and sexy it was during our first conversation about shooting together.

"Well, what would you think about doing something similar to that?" Ron inquired.

"Oh, wow. Um, like how does that even work? Do you have someone in mind to pose with me?

"The male model I used last time is a friend of mine named Alphonso. He's a mechanic and I met him at the garage where I take my car to get worked on. I loved the heavy tattoos on his arms and thought how cool it would be to use those in a photo. Once I'd mentioned I did photography, and he told me he does some modeling for a life drawing class here in the city. We discussed collaborating if the opportunity ever presented itself. When I was discussing ideas with Laurie, the woman in the photo, she said she'd be down to try modeling with him. She'd had plenty of experience but that was Alphonso's first time in front of the camera. Both of them worked well together and there was really great chemistry. The three of us just set some simple ground rules about where to touch and that Laurie would let me know if she started feeling uncomfortable in any way." Ron explained.

"What would the images be like?"

"So, it would be similar to the photo you've seen but I'd love for it to have more expression or passion. I loved the emotion that you showed during our last shoot. I think it would be beautiful to see you bring that into a couples shoot. First off, you'd both be nude." Ron said as he studied my face to see what my reaction would be. "Alphonso's hands would definitely be holding your breasts, and I'd love to do shots where one arm was across your breasts and his hand would be covering your pubic hair. You'd probably see less of you nude in these images, but there's a lot of intimate contact. My hope would be that you could actually feel the emotions of being touched and go with them. I know it's a lot to ask, but I'm just throwing it out there."

As I listened to what Ron was describing I felt my heart rate increase and a nervous energy take over. "It was a lot to ask. Too much." I thought. "Having a stranger touch me in those areas, while we were both naked!?! What if either of us lost control and things spiraled out of control? Would that be so bad? How is this so different from the experience I had with Ron? I barely knew him and yet during our shoot I let him perform oral sex on me. AND it was a really positive experience!"

"Wow, okay. You are right. It is quite an ask, but I really appreciate you being super upfront about all of the details so that I can make an informed decision. Is it okay if I think about it for a while?" I asked.

"Of course Caroline!" Ron exclaimed. "Seriously, take all of the time you want, and if you just aren't interested, it's no problem."

"Yes, you being comfortable is the most important thing Caroline." Shannon chimed in. "If it's just not for you, then it's not."

"Alright, well, let me think about this you guys." I said. "I didn't think the last photos were something I'd do, but look at me now! I'll get back to you about it and again Ron, I can't thank you enough for these photos and just the entire experience." I hugged Ron warmly and then Shannon. "You two are really great and I'm so glad I met you both."

They showed me to the door and I walked out to my car, with my head spinning, thinking about the scenario Ron had laid out. As I drove home I imagined how it might play out. It could be very professional. Laying out rules of where and how to have his hands on me and I would act out the part to the best of my ability. But I also knew that this would be totally new to me. I didn't think I could let myself feel comfortable enough to create what Ron was hoping for. And what if I got so turned on that I blew past whatever limit I might set for myself. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was getting turned on.

"Caroline, take a deep breath." I said to myself as I pulled into my driveway. "You don't have to make a decision right now. Just give it a few days and see how you are feeling."

I walked inside and sat down on the couch and pulled out my phone and checked my email. I opened Instagram to do a little mindless scrolling to distract me for a little while. I had one new friend request. I clicked the message icon and I saw that it was Kyle. He had liked a few of my photos and left a message saying "Great to meet you today!" Simple enough. I messaged him back, "Nice meeting you as well!"

I thought about what Kyle had said about modeling. Maybe if what Ron was prososing was too far out of my comfort zone then there were other photographers out there I could work with? I got out my laptop and did a quick google search to look up modeling sites where I could connect with photographers. I scanned through the top sites and I decided on one that felt like it had the widest amount of users. It took me a little while to fill out the basic info, and then I got to a field where it asked what kinds of images I was interested in. Fashion? I guess so. Fitness? Yep. Swimwear, Lingerie? Yep. Art? Bodypaint? Whew, okay it's getting into it now. Sure. Okay. Nudes? Erotic? I think I'm here to start more slowly than just jumping into nudes immediately so I clicked No for those.