This story is the sixteenth in a series. The prior stories will give context and character background. Hopefully, however, this story may be read enjoyably by itself.
*****
Having practiced for slightly in excess of 30 years, I am reasonably conversant with the concept of unintended consequences. However, I observed yet another application of the concept while Carla and I were in Federal Court in California.
Many of our clients, especially the nudist clients, are involved somehow in social media or e-commerce. As a result, they tend to become involved in a lot of intellectual property claims. Such was this case as our Midwestern client was accused of disseminating content in violation of a copyright. Apparently in the belief that we would be at disadvantage litigation two-thirds of the way across the country, the suit was filed in San Francisco by a law firm out of Orange County, California. The initial filing included a motion for temporary restraining order or preliminary injunction, which caused us to be scheduled for an evidentiary hearing in San Francisco on fairly short notice.
We had found our own California counsel through an informal network of nudist lawyers and filed the appropriate papers for Carla and I to be admitted pro hac in the Northern District of California. Upon getting notice of the hearing, we and the client were on a plane to the West Coast with our business suits in our carry-on hanging bags (you never want to lose your court clothes when traveling). Upon landing and meeting with our local counsel, we learned that our case had been rolled to a very new Federal judge about whom little was known.
There is something impressive yet somber about most Federal courtrooms, and the room we were in was no exception. It had the requisite high ceiling, dark wood paneling, and, of course, the bench to which everyone in the room had to look up. We rose on the bailiff's "hear ye, hear ye" as a seemingly attractive lady who appeared to be mid-forties walked out to the bench in her black robe then told us to take our seats.
As always, there were preliminary matters to be addressed between counsel and the Court. Carla was taking the lead role for us (I was relegated to bag carrier). The lead lawyer on the other side was a rather portly gentleman with a surprisingly high-pitched voice. It quickly became apparent that he was also something of a jerk.
As Carla and our opponent were arguing one last preliminary motion, opposing counsel made an effort to prejudice the judge. Apropos of nothing, our opponent told the judge, "Of course, Your Honor, my learned opponent is a practicing nudist." This provoked a slight raise of the judicial eyebrows but nothing else at the time.
Carla won that last motion and had walked back to our table to begin the hearing proper when Her Honor spoke again. "I don't know the practice where you come from, but, I like to make out of town counsel as comfortable as possible in my courtroom. Ms. ________, Mr. _____ tells me that you are a practicing nudist. If you would be more comfortable conducting the hearing in the nude, you are free to do so."
I was sure that I had only imagined that statement. Carla leaned over to me and whispered, "Did she just say that I can do the hearing nude?" The looks on our faces apparently conveyed our disbelief that we had actually heard what we had heard to the judge. She smiled and repeated herself, "Ms. _______, if you would prefer to conduct this hearing nude, you are free to disrobe."
Carla looked at me with a gleam in her eye and a bright smile. She slowly pulled off her suit jacket, folded it, and laid it on top of our litigation bags. Every eye in the courtroom was now fixed on her, and Carla knew it. She pulled the tail of her blouse out of her skirt, unbuttoned it slowly, and set it on top of her jacket. Carla stood for a moment in her bra, skirt, and heels. Then she reached behind her back and undid the clasps of her bra. Putting a hand on each cup, she shrugged her shoulders so that the bra slid off into her hands. She laid the bra on top of her blouse. Carla then reached down, undid a button at the side of her skirt, lowered a zipper, and let the skirt fall to her feet.
Having watched her dress in the hotel room earlier that morning, I knew that Carla wasn't wearing anything under her knee-length skirt. Carla stood naked in the courtroom but for her high heels, which she left on to wonderful effect. The smile on Carla's face told me that she was enjoying her opportunity to go naked in court immensely.
The other thing the reader needs to know, and that gives this story much of its significance is that Carla is an incredibly beautiful lady. She looks magnificent in one of her court suits or in a sweatshirt and jeans. Naked, she is absolutely stunning.
After her strip, Carla sat down in a chair at the end of our table closest to the witness stand. Lacking any towels, I had laid my handkerchief in the seat of her chair so that her bare ass wouldn't stick to the vinyl upholstery.
Still smiling, the Judge announced, "Mr. ___________, you may proceed." As the moving party, our opponents put their evidence on first. Opposing counsel was clearly discomfited by Carla's courtroom strip. After a few moments of silence, he composed himself enough to call his first witness, the COO of his client.
The chief operating officer was another 50-something male. Taking his seat on the witness stand, he had a clear view of Carla seated a few feet away. Usually, Carla sits at counsel table with one leg crossed over the other. For some reason, however, today she was sitting with both feet on the floor and her legs slightly spread.
As I said, Carla is an extremely beautiful lady. It soon became apparent that her bare beauty was distracting the other side's lead witness. He flubbed or forgot several of his prepared answers to his counsel's softball questions. Counsel seemed distracted too. I think he forgot to ask several of the questions they had rehearsed, or he decided that his witness was too distracted to give the correct answers. The direct examination was much shorter than I had expected.
