Tuesday morning found Lauren and myself at the airport, accompanied by Kathy and Angie to see us off. The baby was in good hands with a nanny that Kitty had found for us, and who had agreed to be there full time as a live-in aupair, once we moved into the new house. Rider was also joining us for this leg of our adventure, to catch all the juicy details on camera. She had been off over the weekend, when Lauren and I met Kathy and Angie, and discovered the house. Thank goodness too! The entire cookout had turned into what would have been an embarrassing debacle for everyone involved.
Lauren and I both kissed our new lady friends goodbye and headed directly for the preferred fliers line, since neither of us were wearing any clothes. Rider seemed a little hesitant to join us at first, but soon realized that if she was going to be a serious part of this production, she was going to have to join us when we embarked on clothes-free only routes. She took a deep breath and shed her clothes, stuffing them into her carry-on bag and following us to the screener.
"Reservation for three," I said cheerily to the cute brunette with the badge, "under the name, Nudie."
She smiled, and nodded at us in recognition.
"Hi Jack and Bo!" she greeted us enthusiastically. "So great to have you flying out of our terminal today. I saw all the stories in the papers. You two are really famous now. Where are you headed?"
"L.A." I replied. "We have a shoot with the Chin tomorrow, then it's off to Chicago to be on Orca on Thursday, and then to New York for Dave the Letter Guy. This is our cinematographer, Rider. She's documenting the whole thing for our show. This is her first time flying nude, so she's a little bit shy."
"Oh, no need to be." the woman said reassuringly, looking Rider up and down and smiling approvingly. "You have a great body! It's to be appreciated and flaunted; not covered in shame. Here, let me have the camera, so I can film you walking through the checkpoint carefree and clothes-free, along with your companions."
Rider looked a little green for a moment, but finally nodded in agreement and handed the camera over to the screener, who got a very nice shot of her walking totally nude through the checkpoint. This footage was definitely going on the show! It was time that our fans got a good look at who was behind the camera as well as who starred out front. The screener handed the camcorder back to Rider and grinned.
"That wasn't so hard now, was it?" she inquired, as we filed past to get our "NUDIST" stamps for the flight at the next station.
I arrived first, and displayed my bracelet to the TSA guy.
"My wife and I are registered nudists." I explained. "We're exempt from being stamped now. Our camera gal isn't though. This is her first time being nude in public too, so stamp that thing right on her pubes. Let her show it off to the world."
Rider looked absolutely mortified at my suggestion, as she approached the agent. He smiled and pressed his rubber stamp into the red ink, coating it thoroughly. She was notably agitated by all of this, and looked at me imploringly. I winked at the agent, and he wielded the stamp menacingly.
Rider gritted her teeth and prepared herself for a demeaning stamp on her cunt. To her surprise, however, the man reached over and simply stamped the back of her forearm instead.
"Enjoy your flight." he said with a grin.
That was it. It was over and done with. Rider looked at me, and I simply shrugged.
"That wasn't funny!" she whispered, as we headed down the concourse toward our gate. "I really thought he was going to stamp my cunt."
"It depends on who you get." I explained. "Some are really nasty. One of them stamped Lauren square on the center of her pregnant belly on our honeymoon. It was totally uncalled for. Yeah, I winked at this guy and we had some fun at your expense, but trust me, it could have been really demeaning had he been a prick. Fortunately for you, the airport's chief of police and I are well acquainted, so everyone here is polite to us. Every other airport though, expect them to fuck with you. They get off on it."
We stopped into one of the eateries to get some food before we departed, and were well aware of the stares, as we stood in line to get our food. Lauren was oblivious; I was still learning, and poor Rider was absolutely mortified. Click after click from cellphones and cameras could be heard, along with a comment from a curious child.
"Look Aunt Giselle." he said, pointing at us. "Those people aren't wearing any clothes. And that other naked lady is filming them."
"No they aren't!" she fumed, giving us dirty looks. "They're just filthy people! I know who they are; don't you pay them any attention, Daniel!"
Lauren and I shrugged at one another, as Rider tried hiding behind us, while she continued filming for the show. The indignant woman dragged her nephew away, as we sat down to eat. I couldn't help but smile to myself, as they sat down to wait at the very gate we were headed for once we finished eating ourselves.
We were of course flying first class, thanks once again to Ms. Corrie Snelling; that busty heiress who had taken such a liking to us and our show idea. We would meet up with both her and Kitty, once we landed in L.A. We boarded first, and settled in as the other passengers filed on board; many ogling us in astonishment. This was getting to be common for both Lauren and myself, but Rider was aghast at the leers she was getting.
I leaned over and whispered in her ear.
"Cross your legs and look professional." I suggested. "Remember, this is first class. You have an image to uphold for the airlines."
Passengers continued streaming past us, and then a high-pitched and familiar-sounding young voice called out.
"Hey Aunt Giselle, it's the naked people again!"
"You people are disgusting!" she huffed, as she passed us. "Nothing but filth! You should all be ashamed of yourselves, parading around like that in public. Who do think you are, Adam and Eve, and the Whore of Babylon?"
"And you have a wonderful day as well!" I called out cheerily.
I shrugged my shoulders as she passed us.
"Jesus, what a bitch." I muttered.
"I wonder which one of us is the Whore of Babylon?" Lauren mused.
"Probably you." I replied. "Rider is the one embarrassed by all of this. I'll bet she's wishing she had a fig leaf in her lap right like Eve, right about now."
I reached out to take the SkyMall catalog from the back of the seat in front of me and thumbed through it, as we taxied toward the runway. My attention was caught by a very expensive-looking diver's watch, but I quickly folded the catalog in half and stashed it, as we lined up on the runway. Soon enough, we were all pressed into our seats as we accelerated down the tarmac, lifting off the ground and into the hazy blue sky.
I pulled the catalog back out and continued looking through it, but my attention kept going back to the watch. Turns out it wasn't just expensive-looking, it was genuinely expensive! I would probably never spring for it, so I just put the catalog back; out of sight, out of mind. As far as I knew, that was the end of it, but a very clever Rider had zoomed in with her camera while I was focused on it. While I went to the restroom, Rider gave her copy to Lauren to put into the seat pocket, who then took the one I was looking at and put it in her purse. When I returned, I had no idea the switch had been made, as I wasn't planning on buying the watch anyway. I never knew what happened, and the whole thing was gone from my mind.
We landed five hours later at LAX and disembarked the plane. Both Kitty and Corrie Snelling were waiting for us at the gate. I was a little surprised at first, but then again with her gazillions of dollars, it probably didn't take but a single phone call to skirt the TSA rules and gain access to the concourse.
"Hello-o!" Kitty called out. "It's my two favorite talents!"
We reached the duo, and Kitty beamed.
"I just love your matching outfits!" she exclaimed. "Rider, what made you decide to go with theirs?"
"They convinced me it would be faster through the checkpoint if I took my clothes off." she explained. "I was mortified at first, but there's a certain je ne sais quoi about the whole thing that's growing on me. I rather like the feeling of freedom it gives me. Maybe I'll apply for one of those nudist permits myself."
"Well, you look absolutely adorable in nothing but Keds!" Kitty said with a flirtatious smile. "It suits you."
"Thank you." Rider managed to mumble. "I think."
"Don't forget that California is a clothes-free state." Kitty continued. "As long as there is no local ordinance against it, public nudity is legal here. You won't need a special license to walk around nude while you're visiting if you want to try it out."
"Let's get your luggage." Corrie suggested, changing the topic. "I'll notify the driver to pick us up out front."
"Sounds good to me." I agreed, as I put my arm around my beautiful wife and escorted her along the concourse.
Once again, stares were aimed in our direction, along with the cell phones and cameras. We arrived at the baggage carousel and waited for our luggage to arrive. In the meantime, other passengers from the flight began catching up. A few recognized us and asked for selfies; mostly with Lauren, but some with both of us as well. One attractive redhead, who identified herself only as Gretchen, asked for one with me only, and I was more than happy to oblige her request.
"I'll be cumming to this tonight." she whispered. "Thank you."
As we were waiting for our luggage to arrive, once again came that annoying kid's voice:
"Hey Aunt Giselle, it's the naked people again."
"Oh for fuck's sake!" I muttered, as I turned to see the bitch and her nephew approaching us.
Giselle glared at us again, as she and the kid stood as far away from us as they could. As the luggage started sliding down the ramp, however, people crowded in; forcing us closer together. We started picking our bags from the revolving carousel, and I leaned in to grab Lauren's large, heavy bag. I apparently got too close to Giselle's liking, because she started snarling at me.
"Get away from me, you perv!" she demanded. "You disgust me, you hedonist philanderer!"
At that point, I was getting a little annoyed with her elitist attitude, and the smell of alcohol was present on her breath, which explained a lot.
"Fuck off!" I retorted, as I picked the heavy bag up.
"Don't you address me like that!" she hollered. "I'm your mayor, and I know exactly who you are. Standing there on my courthouse steps, expelling bodily fluids in front of the public. You belong in prison, you sick exhibitionist."
"We moved," I replied coolly, as I opened the wheels on Lauren's luggage, "so you're not my mayor anymore, you sot."
"I don't care!" she snapped. "I'm still going to have you charged when you get back. You were nude and lewd in my city, and I will not tolerate that kind of behavior, do you understand me? I don't care what that judge said, if I ever see you in my city without any clothes on again, I will have you arrested, do you hear me?!"
"Look, Bitch," I said in a very annoyed tone of voice, "it was a ruling by a federal judge. You have no say-so whatsoever, and if you make any attempt to subvert that ruling, you're going to find your sorry, alcoholic ass in the middle of a major lawsuit.
"You are the biggest bitch I have ever had the misfortune of running into, so here's a nickel's worth of free advice: Drop the kid off, go to a novelty shop, and buy yourself a nice vibrating boyfriend. Maybe that will help you with your outlook on life. Now, goodbye. Unlike yourself, we actually have important things to do."
"Why- I never!" she spluttered.
I turned back over my shoulder and nodded.
"I agree. Maybe if you had, that kid would be your son instead."
Several people erupted into laughter, and she turned beet red.
"Just you wait until you get back in MY town!" she fumed. "I'll have you dealt with! I'll have you arrested and thrown in jail, do you hear me?"
"Well now, that's sounds an awful lot like a threat to me." I said seriously. "You really need to sober up. Rider, did you get that on cam in case she actually tries it?"
