Lauren's Lesson

I had never before, felt so proud of someone else in my entire life, until the moment I placed my arm around my wife's bare waist and escorted her to our dinner table. I could feel the eyes of the other passengers upon us, but I no longer cared.

She was beautiful, she was pregnant, she was fully nude except for her heels, and most importantly of all, she was my wife.

My wife! This woman was the mother of my unborn child, and at this moment, I realized how much she meant to me. I loved her dearly, and there was nothing that would ever stand in the way of that again.

The camera crew was trailing behind us, and I realized something was up. This wasn't for a video diary or even a travel promotion. They wouldn't keep the cameras rolling for that. My thoughts were interrupted, however, by our host.

"Your table,

Monsieur et Madame

." the maître d' stated with a wave of his hand.

"

Merci beaucoup.

" I replied.

I pulled a chair out, and Lauren sat down. I then pushed it into place under the table and waited patiently, for our server to arrive.

Within minutes, the captain - not our server - arrived at the table.

"Good evening." he said pleasantly. "I'm Captain Yärrells. I understand that there may have been a misunderstanding in our rules regarding dinner etiquette."

"Perhaps." I replied. "My wife lost all of her clothes, thanks to the airline. Everything that is, except for her sundress, a pair of tennies and her very formal Gucci heels, which she is of course, still wearing, due to your insipid dress code."

"I am very sorry for this most embarrassing inconvenience." Captain Yärrells apologized. "I would be most honored if you two would please join me at my table for dinner."

"Are her heels acceptable?" I inquired. "We don't want to be underdressed or anything."

"They are," the captain acknowledged, "as are every other part of her. Please feel free to explore the ship however you wish. We are now beyond the three mile limit, so any previous technicalities no longer apply.

"Please accept my most sincere apologies, Mr. and Mrs. Horner. I have spoken with the crew, and ironed out some potential problems for future situations, should this ever happen again."

"They weren't very potential when they affected us." I snapped. "My wife has been through hell today with strip searches and lost clothes, and then, just when she feels human again, your boy tells her that her dress – the only clothing that she has left, mind you – isn't fit for her to eat dinner in."

"I'm very sorry" the captain stated. "Please let me try and make up for this inconvenience. Please join me at my table for dinner."

I nodded, and Lauren and I followed the captain back to his table. It was of course an honor, to be invited to the Captain's Table for dinner; an honor typically reserved for actors, dignitaries and the like, so we were rather flattered at the invitation.

Captain Yärrells motioned for Lauren to be seated, and he pushed her chair up to the table. I seated myself and glanced around the dining area.

What seemed like a thousand faces, but were probably closer to 250, were staring at us, as well as the camera crew that followed us and another that was already set up at the other end of the restaurant. I was a little annoyed at all the attention we were receiving; especially the cameras.

"Is there any way that I can make up for this situation?" Captain Yärrells inquired, as the server placed napkins in our laps.

"Well," I replied, "we have a steward named Raj-"

"What has he done?" the captain asked, throwing his hands in the air. "I will fix this. Is it Raj Patel or Raj Kamat?"

"I'm not certain." I replied. "But I don't have a complaint against him."

"No?"

The captain seemed relieved.

"No. This Raj, whichever one he is, was very helpful and I'd like to help him out. You see, he likes bread pudding, but he says that there's never any left after meals. I'd like to see to it that he can get some. Would it be a problem to set aside for him each morning?"

"Not at all!" Captain Yärrells exclaimed. "Raj Patel is the one who likes bread pudding, and I will make certain that he gets a dish of it every morning from now on."

"Thank you." I said with a smile.

"Oh not at all!" the captain replied enthusiastically. "Not at all!"

I was beginning to wonder why we were getting the royal treatment for an issue that was really more of a technicality than anything else, when the captain continued.

"It's not every day that we get celebrities like you and Miss Dangles here, on our boat-"

"Miss Dangles?!" I exploded.

"Umm, yes... well that's what you call her is it not?" Captain Yärrells stammered. "I mean... the videos-"

"Videos?!" I burst out. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You and your wife, especially your wife, are veritable Internet sensations, at least here in the Caribbean." the captain explained. "You didn't know?"

Lauren and I looked at each other and shook our heads.

"No." I replied with a slightly annoyed tone to my voice. "Suppose you clue us both in?"

The captain seemed very uncomfortable as he continued.

"The 'Miss Dangles' series is quite the rage here in the Islands." he responded nervously. "They-"

"Series?" I echoed. "What the hell are you talking about now?"

"Apparently, the videos that were taken of her public speaking seminars have gone viral." he explained.

"Public speaking seminars?" Lauren repeated. "Oh my god!"

"Yes." the captain said politely. "Very cleverly done. It was quite an original idea for porn. The whole concept has really taken off. They even hold Little Miss Dangles orgasm contests on some of the islands now. It's the newest tourist attraction; especially at the nude resorts."

I slapped my palm against my forehead in shock and dismay.

"You are so in trouble, Sir!" Lauren said to me sternly. "I am very angry with you right now."

"No wonder that woman gave you her card!" I exclaimed. "She must have recognized..."

My voice trailed off and Lauren looked at me quizzically.

"...your ink." I finished.

"Oh, that's another big thing now." Captain Yärrells offered. "They do tea bag airbrushing. Most women don't have the tits for it though. See, that's the key to winning those contests. Only the women with the tiniest, floppiest..."

He paused for a moment and looked at me.

"I'm not helping am I?"

I shook my head in reply.

"No, you're not."

There was an uncomfortable silence as I tried to figure a way out of this. Right now, the odds of me receiving any further gum jobs on this trip weren't looking so good.

"What would happen if she made cameo appearances at some of those resorts?" I inquired. "Autograph sessions, photo ops; that sort of thing?"

Captain Yärrells reflected for a few moments and shrugged his shoulders.

"I dunno," he replied, "but I'll bet you could make a lot of money, I suppose. She's a golden goose in these parts right now, and you have the perfect opportunity to take advantage of it."

"How so?" I inquired.

"Perhaps you noticed the cameras?"

"Yes." I responded. "They were in the mezzanine when we boarded, by the entrance to the restaurant and they seem to be following us. What's all this about?"

"They're shooting a movie." Captain Yärrells explained. "It's called, 'Love Boat, the Motion Picture.' Different cast than the TV show of course, but it's hitting the Big Screen now."

He motioned down the length of the table, and Lauren and I were stunned to see several faces that we recognized from television and movies.

"Oh, this just gets better and better." I retorted. "You do know that they can't use any of this footage unless we sign a waiver, right?"

"You already did."

"What?" Lauren burst out. "When?"

"When you bought the tickets." the captain responded. "You didn't see it?"

"No." I replied. "It was 3:00 AM and I'd been up for 22 hours. I didn't notice much of anything except the pricing and destinations."

"So you really had no idea the camera crews were onboard?" Captain Yärrells asked in a shocked voice. "You mean this isn't part of a publicity stunt? Holy shit!"

"No," I said slowly, "but I'm beginning to think that it could be."

I turned to Lauren.

"It seems that we – well, mostly you – are already quite the item online." I began. "This can put you on the Silver Screen, and if I can get in touch with that Kitty Cutler chick that gave you her card on the plane, maybe she can set some appearances up while we're in the Islands."

"Yoo-hoo!" a female voice called from the end of the table.

I turned to my left, and was surprised to see that very same publicist sitting at the far end of the table, waving at us.

"I also represent about half of the actors on this set." Kitty said with a smile. "I'd love to add you two, especially your talented and unabashed wife."

"What do you think?" I asked Lauren.

"If you think it's the right thing to do, then we'll do it Sir. I'm still your whore. You can always tell me what to do. You don't need my permission."

"You've got it." I said to Kitty. "Start setting things up. Just remember, you may be her agent, but I'm still her manager. Run everything past me first."

"You've got it too, Sweetie." Kitty cooed. "Stop by my cabin sometime, so that we can discuss the details, okay?"

I turned back to Captain Yärrells.

"Can you make some sort of an 'official' proclamation?" I inquired.

"I don't see why not." the captain replied. "I can perform marriages, I have the power of arrest and I can conduct funeral services. For all intents and purposes, I am the law of this vessel."

"Well," I replied, "my wife boarded this ship wearing what can only be described as an illegal dress. It was discovered while she attempted to enter this dining hall. I want you to seize that dress and destroy it. Furthermore, I want you to ban her from wearing clothing of any sort while she is onboard this ship."

Captain Yärrells nodded.

"Miss Dangles, I formally and officially, forbid you to wear clothing of any sort, while onboard this ship or while disembarking or embarking." he stated. "You are to remain completely nude at all times, whenever you are on this boat, with the exception of your shoes. If you wish to visit ports of call, you will do so in the nude. Once this cruise is over, you will also leave this ship devoid of clothing of any sort. Do you understand your sentence?"

Lauren looked him directly in the eye and nodded.

"Yes."

"I then declare this proclamation to official and enforceable by the law of the Seas; sentence to be carried out immediately."

My wife smiled at me warmly.

"Sir, I love you so much." She gushed.

Dinner arrived shortly afterwards, and we had an amazingly enjoyable time, considering all that had occurred over the past twelve hours. We were introduced to the actors and actresses, as well as the director, producers and several other members of the production company. To my astonishment, many of those present already knew who we were, and a couple of them were actually fans of Lauren's.

The other passengers slowly went back to their own routines and by the time we had finished dessert, most were paying little attention to Lauren at all. We decided to stroll along the upper deck and watch the sun set over the open ocean, and several other members of the production decided to tag along, as well as an entire film crew, of course.

The last part would be part of our every waking moment, except for what went on in our cabin. We would have to learn to treat this cruise like a reality show, until the screenwriter could hastily write us into the script. If that became too difficult, then Lauren and I would become the focus of the "celebrity guest" roles playing ourselves; just like old times from the series. In that event, our daily routine would indeed become reality; woven into the script that was already in place.

We gazed over the railing at the ocean zipping by at 23 knots, and then into the setting sun. It was very romantic, and the wind blowing over Lauren's nude body was really turning her on.

"Sir," she gasped, "I think it's going to happen."

I snapped my fingers at the production assistant, since neither the director nor assistant director were present, and he immediately sprang into action.

"Line her up as a silhouette against the sun!" he barked. "Get as far back as you can, and get a full-frame telephoto shot. And run the cameras on high speed too. I want this as a slow motion action scene!"

Lauren began groaning in pleasure as the wind danced across her clit, causing the ring to vibrate.

"Oh my god!" she gasped. "Here it comes! Here it comes!"

Her head wobbled in circles, and she gripped the railing tightly.

"Oh fuck!" she moaned, as her orgasm crested, sending jets of liquid spurting from her cunt.

The high velocity of her orgasm collided with the stiff wind, and turned each spurt into a misty cloud of cum that enveloped her body. Lauren collapsed into my arms, and I helped her over to one of the deck chairs to sit down and collect her wits. Her entire body was covered in tiny droplets of moisture and she was panting heavily.

"Dude, c'mere and look at this!" the PA hollered at me several minutes later.

He was reviewing the footage and gave me a thumbs-up as I approached him. He turned the camera so that I could see the screen and nodded.

"Check this shit out!"

I watched the built-in monitor intently, as the scene unfolded in slow motion. Lauren's nude, pregnant body was completely silhouetted against the large orangey sun, and both her body and the huge sun filled the screen completely. Jets of cum, also silhouetted, erupted from her cunt and atomized in slow motion; turning into a gray fog that completely engulfed her and slowly drifted off camera.

"That's a fucking money shot there!" the PA exclaimed excitedly.

I nodded. There were also a few extra squirts that I had picked up on, but had somehow been missed by everyone else. I decided to keep quiet for now.

"You did well." I complimented him. "That was a hell of a shot. Too bad this movie is rated PG."

"Shit!" the PA burst out. "They did change the rating to R once we started filming your wife, but this

still

won't pass the MPAA, even as a hard R. That shot was X all the way!"

"Maybe you can have two releases." I suggested. "One R and one X. Call the X rated version 'The Lust Boat.'"

"Dude, you're a fucking genius! I'll run it past Mr. Silverstein tonight. When he sees that shot, I think he'll agree with me-"

"With us." I corrected.

The PA took a deep breath and nodded.

"With us." he agreed. "Partners then?"

He stuck his hand out and I shook it.

"I'm Clyde, by the way." he introduced himself.

"Nice to meet you, Clyde." I replied. "Partners."

"There's a lot of stuff on the Net that we'll have to compete with." Clyde observed. "You've done so much to her already. Can you come up with enough new ideas to sell a DVD?"

As if on cue, my wife's voice called out.

"Sir," Lauren wailed, "I'm all sticky."

Clyde and I looked at each other and spoke simultaneously:

"Pool!"