Lauren was one of those ruthless company execs who used every means possible to elevate herself through the rungs of the corporate ladder. If she felt there was a glass ceiling in her way, she went through life wearing a carbide-tipped helmet.
She wore tight dresses with ample cleavage bulging out the top, and no one ever seemed to spot any panty lines on her. She would flirt with visiting executives; occasionally dating them, but she never seemed to get asked out a second time. Rumor had it that she would invariably become sarcastic and act just as she did around the office. She just couldn't seem to stop acting like a bitch, even when she was on her own time.
The shame was that Lauren wasn't really bad-looking; she had post shoulder length, dirty blonde hair and a pretty face, but her inner ugliness just seemed to shine through. By the time it was announced that we would soon be merging with another firm, she had alienated practically everyone in the company, including myself. If there was one thing I hate, it's a sarcastic bitch.
We all knew that Lauren would seize the opportunity to try and finagle her way to a higher position with the new company, and I decided to confide in a few employees, a plan to put her in her place once and for all.
We all met in a local tavern one evening and held a brainstorming session; sharing any and all info we had on both the merger and Lauren.
"I overheard her talking to Mark (the CEO) yesterday about a wedding theme." Elaine, our marketing analyst stated. "She wants to emerge from the elevator wearing a wedding gown, to symbolize the merger."
"You're kidding right?" Charlie, our company videographer asked.
"No, I'm serious." Elaine replied. "She'll come out, dressed like a bride, veil and all, and make a speech about the 'marriage' of the two companies."
I couldn't help but laugh out loud at this, and several others joined me as well.
"What a loony-toon." Brenda, the cleaning lady observed. "She really does have some issues."
I nodded in agreement.
"Here's the thing." I stated. "We need to share everything we have on her, and compile a database. We need to know what makes her mad, sad and happy. We all know she has a vanity streak a mile deep and we need to take advantage of that."
"Agreed." Charlie replied.
Brenda raised her hand.
"What is it, Brenda?" I inquired.
"Well," Brenda said slowly, "I don't know if it means anything, but I saw her changing in the restroom once, and she's nothing like what we think she is, under those dresses."
"What do you mean?" Elaine inquired.
Brenda took a deep breath.
"She told me if I ever told anyone, she'd have me fired."
"She can't." I stated. "Let's hear it."
"Her dresses have hidden cups in them, to... you know... push her boobs up, what little there is of them."
"Little there is?" I echoed. "They're not round?"
"No, they're tiny." Brenda said with a giggle. "But not flat. They're little floppy things."
We all burst into laughter.
"What else?" I asked, trying not to seem too intrigued.
The thing was, I have a fetish for limp, saggy tits, and the description of Lauren's droopy boobs fascinated me.
"She doesn't wear underwear." Brenda continued.
"We suspected that." said Jenny, one of the secretaries. "We've never seen any panty lines."
"And no bra." Brenda reminded her. "That's how she gets those round jiggly things she calls tits."
I let out a gigglesnort that blew beer through my nose, and I reached for a napkin.
"Sorry," I apologized, as I wiped my face, "but you must really think her tits are comical; calling them jiggly things."
"They're ridiculous." Brenda snorted. "They look like oversized tea bags with nipples stuck on the ends."
Several people howled in laughter at Brenda's remark.
"Okay," I said, "Let's get back on track here. We know she's got cartoon titties. Anything else?"
"Well," Brenda whispered, looking around, "her clitoris is pierced. And, there's something else."
We all focused on that remark, like a cat on a mouse.
"Elaborate please." Frank, the head of security prodded.
"It's pierced. It's got a ring through it the size of a quarter."
"For hanging things." I muttered.
"What?" Frank asked.
"Oh nothing." I replied. "Nothing.
"Okay," I continued, "so we know her tits are a joke; she wears nothing under her dresses, and her clit is pierced. This gives me an idea."
"What's that?" Charlie inquired.
"She's so goddamned vain about herself and her body. If everyone saw what really lies underneath her clothes, it would take her down a notch or two."
"Sure, but how do we do that?" Charlie asked in a puzzled tone.
"The wedding scene." I replied with a grin. Everybody lean in. Here's what we're going to do. Elaine, take her shopping for that wedding dress. Make sure it's strapless and has a long train. Frank, you monitor the security gates, and Brenda, I want you to tell me what the last thing was..."
*
Several weeks later, the day of reckoning arrived. Our company was very large, and the other firm was international, so this was a big deal. The entire ceremony was to be fed live to all branches of both companies, with the video feed broadcast on a huge screen in the atrium of our building as well.
The atrium was five stories tall, and a glass elevator overlooked the entire space. More than five hundred people were packed into the open hub of the building, including senior members from both firms, as well as their families.
Mark, our CEO, gave his speech and then relinquished his position to the skit that was to follow. Officially, Lauren would emerge from the elevator in her wedding gown, and I would present her speech in the form of a scroll. She would then strut to the platform and make her presentation of our merger being like a wedding. In her mind, this would open the floodgates to success with the new execs. This was not to be the case, however.
The dress that Elaine had convinced Lauren to buy had an overly-long train, with no shoulder straps. Elaine had also reminded her that brides typically do not wear underwear, as the dress gets in the way if one has to pee. Lauren bought this hook, line and sinker, and as Elaine fitted the dress prior to her entrance, she pinned the veil to the back of the dress.
The glass elevator descended, with Lauren in full view. To be honest, she looked quite beautiful as a bride, her snotty face obscured by a veil, with two round knockers poking out from the top of the dress. She wore elbow-length white kidskin gloves and white heels, and as the doors opened, she emerged from the elevator in full bridal splendor, with Elaine holding the train.
Lauren stopped about six feet from the elevator, and raised her hands over her head with twin victory salutes as the crowd clapped. Elaine held the train firmly, and pressed the button to take the glass car to the fifth floor. The doors shut, and the elevator rose at the rate of one floor every two seconds.
The wedding dress and veil were pulled over Lauren's shoulders and carried away, leaving her standing before the audience totally nude, with her arms still reaching for victory. All she wore now were her white gloves and heels.
Lauren's pitiful boobs were exposed to the world. They were about the same size as a well-used bar of soap; perhaps 3 ½ to 4 inches long, by less than 2" wide, and a little over ½" thick.
Sure enough, she sported a ring through her clitoris, and unmentioned by Brenda, she had a nice landing strip of dirty-blonde hair on her pubic mound.
Lauren screamed in horror, and tried to cover herself, looking desperately for an avenue of escape. As if on cue, the security gates to every hallway from the atrium slammed shut. There was nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.
Charlie, meanwhile, was broadcasting the entire scene to thirty five offices in three different countries. Lauren's nude body was visible across eighteen time zones, and Charlie zoomed in on her clit ring.
The entire audience burst into applause, and several catcalls were heard above the din.
This was
my
cue. I had convinced the CEO to let me present the blushing bride to the gala, and present her speech in the form of a scroll. I was wearing a wireless mic, so my every word was captured quite clearly.
"Wow Miss Newell," I said, clearing my throat loudly as I approached her, "that was quite an entrance you made."
Several cheers went up and I continued.
"I must say though, your outfit is just a little more revealing than any of us expected."
The entire audience burst into a thundering round of applause.
"Come now, don't be shy." I encouraged. "You've planned this for several weeks. We're waiting for your speech."
I extended the scroll to Lauren, and as she reached for it, I dropped the roll of paper.
"My fault!" I called out.
Lauren stared at me for several seconds, and then dropped to her hands and knees to recover the scroll. Her tiny tits dangled below her chest, and Charlie made certain that they were included in the broadcast.
He zoomed in on her dangling teabags, and they appeared onscreen as comical breasts. Loud guffaws erupted from the audience, and laughter was clearly heard.
"My balls are bigger than her tits!" someone shouted above the din.
This resulted in yet another round of laughter.
