Julia's Discovery

Having gone to bed late, Julia slept soundly and comfortably; on awakening, she yawned and stretched as she surveyed the bedroom of her new home through eight o' clock eyes. She approved of the way she had coordinated the colours and fabrics that blended the old with the new.

The last few days had been tiring, months after Robert's death there were still visits to her accountant and solicitors to be made and various documents relating to his will and the various trusts that he had meticulously set up to be explained fully and signed off. And then there was the final clearing of her old home and in particular the contents of the study.

She had carefully examined the computer, paying great attention to what connections went where and attaching labels to each end of all of the cables linking the machine. She decided to keep the early Victorian partners desk on which it stood, a fine example in burr walnut with a tooled green leather surface. It had been Robert's first personal luxury purchase, something he afforded himself when Ellis Electrical won its first big contract, and now it stood in the alcove of the L shaped bedroom, positioned diagonally across a window that looked over the spacious garden, crowned with his computer now reassembled. At present all that the desk drawers contained were the pornographic DVD's, a slim notebook and a plastic bag of dirty knickers.

Naked she padded upstairs to the kitchen, something she would have to get used to, she reminded herself. She made tea and took it back downstairs to the bedroom and climbed back into bed. Her thoughts drifted to Elise as she allowed the tea to cool, she would be in California soon, interviewing people who made pornography and the thought fascinated her. She thought of subscribing to the NY Express but then decided she would just ask Elise to send the article to her.

Her heart skipped a beat as she thought of the other decision she had come to. She had determined to meet 'Dirty' Jane Derbyshire. How she was going to go about it, she had, as yet, no idea. She thought about emailing her using Robert's computer, at first the idea really appealed to her. What a shock it would be for her to receive an email from beyond the grave! And then she relented, thinking if she were to email her she would use her own laptop which wouldn't cause a heart attack. She also toyed with the idea of writing to her and possibly returning her knickers, but that wouldn't do either, it would be too final in a way and telephoning to her seemed out of the question. And then another thought struck her, she could go to Barnes and wait and watch outside her address and then follow her. The idea excited her, and the more she thought about it as she sipped her tea the more she liked it.

She showered and dressed quickly, high on adrenaline, and then she switched on the computer and printed out a clear picture of Jane Derbyshire smiling at the camera in a kneeling position, lifting her pleated skirt to reveal the fact that she wasn't wearing any underwear but had a realistic looking dildo inserted in her vagina. Julia picked up the slim address book and bag of knickers and placed them along with the photograph into her shoulder bag and grabbing her sunglasses from the table in the hall she closed the door behind her.

It was a lovely sunny day and at nine o' clock Julia nosed her Mercedes coupe out of the garage and away toward the Marylebone road and the west-way. Earlier her heart had been racing but now she felt calmness as she joined the queue of traffic waiting to turn into Lisson Grove. 'She might not even be there,' she thought to herself as she approached Shepherds Bush. Soon she had crossed Hammersmith Bridge and within minutes she had found the street of terraced cottages behind Castelnau.

Number 33 was rather pretty, with roses in the front garden and green louvre shutters at the windows. There was a Volkswagen Golf parked outside but it could be anybody's Julia reflected from her vantage point parked obliquely across the street. Julia waited for around ten minutes and then she noticed the postman delivering the morning mail. Her luck was in, the postman rang on the doorbell and a few moments later the door opened and a blonde woman stood in the porch. Julia had a good view of her as she signed for the delivery. She glanced down at the picture on her lap and back to the woman in the doorway, it was definitely Jane Derbyshire. She seemed a bit prettier than in the photographs, somehow softer and a little taller, but then in the photographs she wasn't standing.

The postman left and Jane closed the door. 'So what next?' Julia said aloud to herself. She considered getting out of the car and ringing the bell but a few moments later Jane Derbyshire emerged, the lights on the Volkswagen flashed as she unlocked it with the remote control in the key. Jane did a U turn and headed toward Castelnau and a few seconds later Julia started the engine and made her U turn, frustrated that she had to wait for a white van to pass before she could complete it. She accelerated down the street in time to see Jane turn right towards Hammersmith.

Luckily the van driver turned left and Julia managed to force her way into the intersection in the slow moving traffic and turn right too, she was just two cars behind Jane. At the Shepherd's bush roundabout Jane took the exit leading to Notting Hill and cut through the streets toward Bayswater. Just off Queensway Jane drove up the ramp to park at Wiley's, the large shopping complex. Julia waited for a few moments before following, but Jane was still at the barrier and she had no choice other than to stop behind her. There was obviously a problem with the barrier and an attendant operated it manually.

At last Jane was through, and the attendant waved Julia forward, issuing her with a ticket from the machine. 'Should have it fixed soon,' he smiled as Julia went through. The parking area was somewhat full, and Julia glanced around trying to see where Jane had parked only to see that she was coming round again, looking for a space. Julia's luck was with her again, as just ahead someone was pulling out of their bay to leave. She parked as Jane passed her, raising her hands from the wheel in a gesture of frustration, this was obviously the one she was hoping to get Julia thought. Catching her eye she replied with an as best a smile as she could muster and a gesture indicating 'I'm sorry, but what can you do?' Jane came round once more, and Julia pretended that she was gathering her things as she went by. Further down another car reversed out of a bay and Jane parked at last.

Julia waited, heart beating faster now, 'You, Julia Ellis, have become a stalker,' she said aloud as she fixed her hair in the vanity mirror. Jane was out of her car and heading for the entrance to the shopping complex and Julia followed her in at a discreet distance. Once inside, Julia panicked for a moment as she thought she had lost her quarry, but there she was, browsing the window of a jewellery store called Ingots.

After a minute or two, Jane walked to an escalator and descended a level entering Simpson and Frederick's food hall. Julia followed her in and mingled with the other shoppers. Twenty minutes later, and with a pot of onion marmalade that she really didn't want, Julia followed her out and into D'Angelo's Lingerie, where Jane bought tights, some lace stockings and two pairs of silk French knickers, one in black and another in baby-blue.

All morning Julia had rehearsed mentally what her approach would be and what she was going to say. This seemed an ideal opportunity, 'Oh those are nice! I, er, have some of your knickers, do you want them back?' She laughed at the outrageousness of the thought. Instead, as Jane had finished paying, Julia approached her as she reached the exit.

'Jane, Jane Derbyshire?'

'Yes.' Jane looked startled. 'Do I know you?' She asked.

'No, not really, you may know of me, but I know of you, I'm Julia.' Up close Jane was indeed very attractive, the blonde curls weren't dyed, the chin angular, lips soft and full and eyes of the palest hazel.

'I'm sorry!' She looked perplexed, 'Julia? We weren't at school or anything?'

'No, I'm Julia, Julia Ellis, Robert's wife.'

Jane was frozen to the spot. 'Oh my God!' Her face turned an ashen grey.

'It's all right, please, don't worry.' Julia said softly. Jane seemed to crumple.

'I'm so very sorry,' she said at last.

'No, it's ok,' Julia smiled at her, 'Shall we have coffee, or perhaps something stronger may be appropriate.' Jane gathered her strength, and nodded her ascension. 'Tintorino's is quite nice, shall we have a glass of something there?' continued Julia, gently taking her arm. The colour had almost returned to Jane's features as they sat down. 'What's it to be? Asked Julia as a waiter approached, 'Wine, something stronger?'

'Wine, yes, that would be fine.' Jane was still not entirely composed.

They agreed on white and Julia ordered a bottle of Chablis and they waited in silence, neither, it seemed, knowing how to begin and both appreciating the interruption of the waiter as he showed the bottle, uncorked it, and poured a little into the glass for Julia to try.

'I'm sorry if I have upset you,' said Julia, raising her glass now that they were both filled.

'How did you find me?' asked Jane at last.

'Robert's computer, and there was an address book in his desk also.'

'Ah, yes, I see,' answered Jane, nervously toying with the stem of her glass. 'You must think I'm appalling.'

'I did at first,' Julia said honestly, 'I hated you, but then I needed to find out more, so this morning I drove to your house and as luck would have it, I followed you here.'

'You've seen the pictures then?'

Julia nodded. 'That's how I knew it was you.'

'I'm really sorry, I really am, and it must have been awful for you.' Jane fumbled for the cigarettes in her bag.

'Can I have one?' Julia asked. With a shaking hand Jane held out the packet trying to smile. Julia took one, surprised to see that her own hand was steady. Jane fished for her lighter and when both cigarettes were lit Julia said 'I'm glad you didn't run away, in your circumstances I might have done.' She held up her glass and said 'Cheer's' and both drank.

'You are very calm,' said Jane, 'but then I suppose that was to be expected if I ever met you.'

'How did you meet him?' Julia asked.

'The Internet, he responded to my advertisement and it went from there.'

'What did your advertisement say?'

'Married but nothing happening, I found out that my husband was basically gay. I'm divorced now.'

'What did Robert say?' Julia enquired earnestly.

'Are you sure you want to know,' Jane asked.

'Yes, please be honest with me, I really need you to tell me everything.'

'He said he was married and in love but that he needed sex and wanted someone who needed that too, no strings attached. He looked nice so I answered and it went on from there.'

'Did he tell you I wasn't very good in that way?'

'Yes, but he did love you, he always made that clear, just wanted some fun, which was what I wanted too – we both are, sorry, I mean we both were very highly sexed people with our needs looking for an outlet.'

'Where did you first meet up?'

'The Rubicon, in Fulham road, and we crossed it.'

'Yes, you did,' said Julia, aware of the restaurant, the metaphor and the snappishness in her tone, and then, 'sorry, I'm just, oh, I don't know, wanting to understand myself too, I masturbated for the very first time in a long while looking at one of the pictures you sent to Robert. I have to admit I find this all very confusing.' She lifted her glass and drank.

'It really was just about sex, and nothing more, and Robert was kind and generous.'

'Yes, he was.' For a moment Julia shifted her gaze from Jane and idly scanned the wine bar and then she looked directly back into her hazel eyes. 'How long was it going on?' Jane drew deeply on her cigarette and exhaled, but it was somehow more of a sigh than simply blowing out smoke.

'Just over four years,' and then falteringly, 'before the plane crash.' Tears were welling in the corners of her eyes.

'And how often did you meet up – I'm sorry but I want to know.'

'Usually twice a month, Robert booked a small suite, mostly at the Bryanston.' Their glasses were nearly empty and the waiter approached the table to refill them but Julia waved him away. She stubbed out her cigarette deeply in thought.

'And it was just sex?' There was so much she wanted to say and to ask.

'Do you mind,' asked Jane, reaching for the wine cooler. Julia nodded and pushed her glass toward her. 'We hardly ever kissed, it was part of our agreement, it probably sounds stupid to you but Robert felt that was more of a betrayal than the sex,' said Jane when she had replenished the glasses. Julia sipped her wine and sat in silence for what to Jane seemed an eternity.

'I want to know about the sex if you'll tell me,' Julia said at last. Now it was Jane who momentarily fell silent.

'He was very experimental, wanted to try different things, it was a breath of fresh air, I had been married for three and a half years and only had sex with Sean half a dozen times during that whole period. When we did it was always hurried, as though he wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible, which he did of course, leaving me hanging, and always frustrated. And then when we had been married for about eighteen months I found some gay magazines and a video, and it all fell into place. I confronted him and we had a blazing row, he went into total denial and said they belonged to a friend at work and he was just keeping them for him. And then a friend of mine told me that he had been seen in Harringtons which is a well known cruising ground. By then I'd had enough and told Sean I wanted a divorce. Again he went into denial and said he wouldn't divorce me so I hired a private detective. Sean's a solicitor, a partner in a well known firm and he was terrified that they would find out.' She took a draw on her cigarette and a sip from her glass.

'And what happened?' Asked Julia, genuinely interested.

'Sean had a client in Gloucester which gave him the opportunity to be away from home every month or so, and to cut a long story short, the detective managed to get a photograph of him and another man coming out of a toilet in a gay club. He had also followed him to Harringtons and other places where he picked up men. It was around that time I put my ad on the dating site, and I'd started buying toys and leaving them openly lying around in the bedroom,' she smiled at the thought and then went on, 'I put a copy of all of the evidence into an envelope and left it on the dining table with a rather frank message.'

'What did you say?'

'I wrote I want my divorce now so we can both get on with sucking some cock!' Julia stared at her, open mouthed. 'I know, but it did the trick.' Jane said with a satisfied smile, 'I told him that I would sue for divorce and use the evidence in court and take him for everything I could get my hands on. He just fell apart, but even then he said he wasn't gay, just bisexual, bi – curious was what he actually said. Anyway he moved out that night and filed for divorce on incompatibility, he obviously pulled strings because the divorce came through quite quickly, I got the cottage and a very generous settlement.'

'Bloody hell, you poor thing!' Julia exclaimed.

'Sad thing is that Sean's a lovely guy in all other respects, apparently he's living with some guy called Simon now, must have sorted things at the firm or he's keeping it a secret which is more likely.'

'It must be difficult, being gay I mean, in certain circumstances.' Julia said with genuine concern in her voice, and then, 'funny how people are thrown together, the gay husband and the frigid wife.'

'Are you? Are you really – I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.' Jane flushed and looked down at the table.

'It's ok, you have a right to ask I suppose, you lost Robert too. I don't know Jane, I think I never really came to terms with or confronted my sexuality, I was always busy with Elise and running the household of a successful business man, dinners, nappies, school, day to day stuff which in many ways rather gets in the way of romance. I loved Robert and I knew he loved me but I think I must have let him down, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here now.'

'I'm sorry, it would have been better if you hadn't found out, honestly I never wanted to hurt you but I just wanted the sex and it was incredible.'

'Quite kinky too,' said Julia, reaching for Jane's cigarettes, 'I've got your knickers in my bag and one of the photographs of you.'

'Shit! That is so embarrassing, which one?'

'You are kneeling down, lifting your skirt showing a dildo. It was the best one showing your face.'

'You have seen all the photographs I imagine.'

'I'm not sure, I haven't gone through all of the emails yet, and he has a vast array of pictures only some of which I have so far seen, a lot of them show Robert wearing and sniffing knickers, yours I suppose. That really quite shocked me.'

'Robert had a real thing going on about knickers,' Jane answered, 'He really liked wearing them instead of his underpants, he told me he would like to wear them all the time. Once we went shopping to get some knickers for him in his own size, he wore them always when we were together.'

'It's not normal though is it?' Julia said.

'What's normal?' Replied Jane, 'It's more common than you think, loads of guys out there are into wearing knickers, and even suspenders and stockings, and they are not gay or even bisexual, they just get off on it. There are many sites on the internet that cater for such tastes; Robert said that he actually found them more comfortable than his underpants.

They were both starting to relax, the ice was melting, Julia refilled their glasses, emptying the bottle. She waved at the waiter.

'I can't drive if I have any more,' said Jane, 'But I'd like to stay now, if that's ok. They do quite a decent lunch here and I've got the number of some guys who will pick up your car and deliver it home. Then we could take Taxi's.' She had lost her worried look.

'Good,' answered Julia, 'let's do that, why not!' The waiter approached and Julia ordered another bottle and asked to see the menu.

'Can I see the knickers?' Jane asked with a smile. Julia fumbled in her bag and discreetly passed the plastic bag to her. Jane pulled them out one by one; she felt an uneasy thrill as she noticed the dried in stains, her cunt juice and Roberts's spunk. 'These two aren't mine,' she said, showing a pair of purple lace bikini pants and a heavily stained pair of black satin knickers edged with cream lace. 'Don't know who's those are.'

'Probably Monique's' said Julia, some French girl that Robert had sex with at a house party in the country.'

'Alice Markham's, yes, Robert told me about that, he went down a couple of times. He wanted me to go with him but on the first occasion my sister had come over from Canada and the next time I had to be in London to finalise things with Sean.'

'So you are into orgies?' Julia felt her face flushing.

'I really like sex, and yes, group sex is lovely if there are nice people, I haven't had that much experience, Robert and me had a threesome once with my friend Claire – there are pictures on his computer, haven't you seen them?' Julia shook her head.

'Do I disgust you?' asked Jane simply.

'No, not now, not anymore, I'm glad that I have met you, puts things into perspective.' She took another cigarette from Jane's packet. 'I'm forty six and have led a very sheltered life Jane, I hadn't seen a porn film until a couple of days ago, and my daughter is doing an article on the porn industry in America. I'm pretty green to it all, but to tell you the truth, I've masturbated more in the last few days than in the last twenty years.'