Judith: the Power of Desire

Part 1 -- Idle thoughts

Successful, yes, but at what cost? Judith, forty-nine (well fifty really: but not to be admitted for another year or two), sat on the train heading back to her town and her flat, ruminating. She'd finished with the Blackberry, answered the e-mails and was just sitting there thinking, not about work, not about some new plan but about herself, her life. No, not about her career but about herself, her needs, her wants. A partner, children? No, that was not what she had been about. Oh, she had had relationships, even thought once about children, about babies, about having little eyes looking up at her but that had been a passing thing. It had never really worried her, she had not been bothered; letting that side of life pass her by. Her sister, after all, had more than enough kids for both of them and she got pleasure, great pleasure, from them—but having her own? No, that was not what she had ever particularly wanted. Odd maybe, but that was her. A partner? Well the relationships had not worked out that well; probably it was her. They certainly hadn't lasted. She'd wondered at one time if she was actually gay, a lesbian, but that night when she had almost, and it had been almost, slept, no rather more than that, with another women, had shown her that was not where she was (though she had very nearly been there that night!).

Muddled, confused? No, she was just thinking about her life for a few min­utes before the Blackberry gave her something else to think about.

Judith had a really good flat, nice clothes (well more than nice) and holi­days to die for with her friends -- yes, other women, particularly one woman she had known since forever; and there was no question of a relationship there as her friend had had three husbands already and another one possibly on the way. Well, yes, that was not correct at all, she had the strongest friendship with her based on everything but sex. They were as close as friends could be and that was certainly love, not sexual love but Judith could not see that any other word would do; but it was the closeness of family, of sisters—not lovers. Closer perhaps, in a different way, more real, more open—difficult to say.

The train had stopped in a station and, the Blackberry silent, Judith had looked out of the window at the figures on the platform. A young girl, ponytail tied severely at the back of her head, tall shoes clicking along the tarmac, long legs moving beneath her black skirt, caught her eye—a vision of efficiency; just like herself. Judith's eyes moved and she caught sight of a young man, suit­ed, tall, brief case in hand, short hair, also walking along the platform and, she thought, watching the girl. Would they get together—was it just typical male browsing or something more? He had a nice figure though, no fat, good height, worth seeing beneath the suit. Judith was momentarily surprised at herself—browsing indeed—but the more she thought, the more her idle thoughts lead her in that direction. Yes, towards a bit more browsing, a bit more about play­ing with men; if she was honest with herself that was what was missing from her life. Not relationships but sex—and sex with men.

Judith put on her glasses and glanced again at the Blackberry. No mes­sages. Men then. But not relationships. So, she wanted them for their bodies, their hardness—yes that! So, what then did she exactly want? It wasn't going to be particularly their conversational skill or their feminine side (!); and it was not a relationship she was after. It, most certainly, was not a Mr. Right she was after, if she was talking about men. What then did she require? Almost she typed them out as a list on her Blackberry: but perhaps that would be a rather odd list on the company's database.

If she could have men, not a man, what would she be after? Well, what ex­actly was she talking about? Was it just sex and a pleasant evening out into the bargain, one on each arm? Or was she thinking different nights with differ­ent men or, if she really was thinking of one on each arm what about one or two walking behind in reserve as well? A night out with four handsome men, dinner, perhaps a show and then her as the centre of attention for four... but the rules would be her's, her pleasure was to be paramount; not some pack rut­ting on her. No, it was very much her fantasy!

The train moved on. Judith thought about supper. She had various ready meals in the freezer and fridge or should she boil some fresh spaghetti and mix it with a little Pesto? Definitely a glass of that cold South African Chardon­nay in a tall glass. She needed that.

So, if she was in control, her mind drifted back, what would she actually want? What did she like in men? Well it wasn't particularly age. Young would be nice but neither essential nor necessary; good looking and not flabby—why not? Tight little arses—well she didn't want flabby but what about hairy? Well, she wanted men, so that suggested a tendency to the hirsute; hair colour and skin colour—variety is the spice of life; cock—well what mattered? Big would be nice; a tendency not to premature ejaculation useful; she had not real­ly ever thought about circumcised or not; low hanging balls—she rather liked that idea (but when had she ever thought about that before?) and to be a good shooter what? The vision of a fountaining penis came into her mind, hard as iron, swollen purple head looking fit to burst and the semen coming in great jets to run like white lava down the blue veined shaft. Despite being alone, Ju­dith's eyebrows rose. Since when had she been interested in the male organ in such an intimate way and in the amount of semen ejaculated? She was sur­prised at herself, how her thoughts had developed. She was way beyond just men, yes, in her thoughts way beyond men into quite something more! What, then, did she particularly like about sex?

Sex? When had she last engaged... was that the word? Two years, two years! Yes, it must be because... thinking back, that had been all right, a great holiday and most enjoyable. A holiday romance, no that was quite wrong, a holiday fling. It had not really been a romance, oh yes, romance on the surface but sex underneath. Yes, that was when her friend had had to go home unex­pectedly and left her alone for the last week of the holiday.

Judith looked blankly into the dark through the glass of the train window, thinking back to that holiday and the sex. A jolt of the train brought her back and she looked down the carriage at the people. One man caught her eye, yes she'd like to bed him, but then he looked up and immediately Judith turned back to the window. This was not like her at all, she thought; looking at men in­deed rather than working.

Even walking the short distance from her station to her flat, Judith's thoughts kept returning to men and sex. She wished there was a man waiting in her flat for her, even better if he had prepared dinner. Yes, waiting on her as she enjoyed her dinner, pouring her wine. Judith smiled to herself, yes waiting but dressed only the top half of a dinner suit complete with black bow tie. Not of course a clip on tie, it would have to be properly tied. She could imagine her­self reaching out, as he bent slightly to pour the ice cold Chardonnay into her long tall wine glass, touching his cock with her carefully manicured fingers, tickling it so it rose towards her.

"Will that be all, madam?" he would say in a deep voice as he straight­ened; his cock now standing firm in front of him above those low hanging balls. Judith imagined herself sipping the cool wine, savouring the grape, be­fore bending and sucking a little on the presented penis.

It was a few flights up to her flat but the lift was not ready at the ground floor so, still thinking, she eschewed the lift, as she tended to do when alone, and made her ways up the stairs.

Her mind was still on the man serving her with wine; she would make him wait before he served her properly; tease him a bit whilst she remained seated but with him standing before her. Why should she not put herself first?

Fumbling in her handbag at the top of the stairs, she drew out her latch key; a cold rush of air alerted her to the landing window behind her being left ajar. An open window was not needed on a cold autumnal evening and a waste of energy. She went to close it but on a whim opened it wide and looked out into the night.

Judith froze, not a muscle moved as she stared, stared in complete sur­prise and fascination, for there, through a half open window, admittedly at an oblique angle from the stairwell window, was Gary, one of her neighbours: but not Gary as she had seen him before, not the well pressed suit or the weekend clothes but very much the opposite. Gary was standing in the shower in his bathroom stark naked with the water cascading down him. Naked in the show­er was not actually a surprise, the surprise was being able to see into the room at all, for Gary to have his bathroom window open, and, moreover, at his par­ticular state of nakedness. It was lovely for Judith to see his naked body, excit­ing in an erotic way to catch this unexpected glimpse, to be in the role of a peeping Tom; but he was not simply naked for he was erect as well. There he stood with the water cascading down him and his penis pointing straight up at the ceiling. Judith could not take her eyes off it; it wasn't simply hard and pointing at an angle out from his body; not merely standing more or less verti­cal; but it was rising, rigid and hard, right up close to his body so the head, the big plum of a head, was actually touching the smooth black hairs of his stom­ach. It was completely vertical.

Judith took in the dark curly hair surrounding Gary's penis and the way the hair did not stop but carried on upwards becoming sparser, slicked back against his stomach, but, whilst narrowing as a band, kept on rising right up to the profusion of curly hair on his chest. Gary was certainly hirsute—that was the word—and Judith liked that. To her, Gary was very male indeed. She was surprised at the way the penis stood, how tight it was to his body and of course just seeing its hardness was such a pleasing co-incidence after her thoughts on the way home.

Why was it hard? Gary was not stroking it; indeed he was simply stand­ing still in the shower letting the water cascade over him. After a moment or two he turned, reaching for the shower gel, so Judith's view of his cock was ob­scured though it did bring his tight round buttocks into view for Judith to ad­mire.

Judith felt a little guilty at watching this vision of maleness—or worried at being caught—but she was more in the dark and Gary in the light and she did not think he would see her if he glanced at the open window and, anyway, she found it very difficult to tear herself away. She continued to watch as he began to soap, the suds running down his back as he reached around to wash himself there; then his hands moved down to his bottom. Judith would have liked to have done that. She would like to have taken him over her knee, once dry, and paddled his bottom, before feeling underneath and then chastising him some more for being hard. Again, Judith was surprised at herself—such surprising thoughts she was having; but perhaps not so surprising given the stimulus of what she was seeing.

Gary turned again and there was no change in the rigidity of his penis, yet he was still not touching it. His hands moved to wash his chest, suds catching in the profusion of hair before running down as a milky stream to his cock and thence to his legs. Judith watched Gary's hands move lower. Would he mastur­bate when they reached his cock? Judith surprised herself by her sudden long­ing to see that, to see Gary's hands moving, pulling at his cock until his semen flew. How high would it shoot? Would it splash onto his chest even or perhaps catch on his chin? Surely not? And why was she thinking these, for her, so odd thoughts?

Contrary to her expectation Gary's hands did not linger long on his penis, perhaps there was a rub or two more than strictly necessary with the washing regime but his hands did not stay and went on to deal with his legs.

Turning the shower off, Gary stepped out still as erect as he had been, the head of his penis seeming almost glued to his tummy button; there being just the slightest side to side movement as he stepped from the shower and out of view. Judith pulled back into the landing, she hardly wanted to be caught peep­ing, to stand back from the window breathing rather hard and feeling flushed. What a sight! She looked again at the landing window; well it still needed to be closed. She stepped forward reaching for the handle and there Gary was again walking past the window towelling his back with his cock as firmly against his tummy as before. Then Judith heard a woman's voice and the erection was ex­plained. Gary had a girlfriend. Her naked appearance beside Gary and his reaching out to hold a breast caused Judith to close the window. Really she couldn't possibly allow herself to be caught watching.

Inside her flat Judith laughed to herself. Well, after all her thoughts on the train and then walking home to see that! She wouldn't be able to meet Gary outside his flat or down at the entrance, as they sometimes did going out or going in, without being able to think of his erect cock all hard up against his tummy. Wouldn't she love to play with that! Sit herself down on it, suck it or have it thrust into her. It had made her quite wet just thinking about it! Judith was torn between having a bath straightway and 'bringing herself off,' or hav­ing dinner first and an early bed (with a similar object in view). Dinner won but not, alas, served by a half dressed Gary, or similar, but Judith was certain­ly thinking of that and wondering just how much resistance there would be if she was to pull Gary's cock away from his stomach—how firmly did it hold to that vertical position?

Despite a really sloshy orgasm—she could not remember having been as wet before as she had stirred herself in bed and rubbed herself to a climax all the time thinking of Gary and his cock—Judith still could not get thoughts of sex out of her head the next morning. It was not like her and it was certainly not like her to be semi-coherent and rather flustered when she bumped straight into Gary and his pretty girlfriend as she left her flat to catch the train. They had no reason to be embarrassed, that they knew of anyway, but it was rather different for Judith!

Work enveloped Judith and all that sex nonsense was forgotten until a few days later when she was climbing the steps up to the door of her block of flats. Another youngish man, not Gary but Keith, was coming in at the same time and they exchanged pleasantries rising up in the lift. Watching him as the lift doors closed on his floor, Judith visualised him naked. She knew he played a lot of tennis so she imagined a muscular frame with a light dusting of fair hair, matching his own head of light coloured curls. Keith turned with a quick wave just as the doors shut and Judith imagined his naked bottom and penis all soft and set in a little nest of fine fair curls. Well, she'd soon change that softness... if she had the chance more than an idle daydream.

The chance, the rather surprising and unexpected chance did come. It was not something a middle aged, fifty year old woman (in quite good shape) would have gone looking for but nonetheless it came. Had she thought of it she would have rejected it out of hand as infeasible and not something even to be thought of, let alone tried.

It was a chance remark at a party of all things, Judith had been talking to someone, a man not from her firm—it was a firm party—Adrian somebody who knew somebody high up in the firm, talking for some time about manage­ment and motivation when the talk had moved through influence and then to control. The talk had taken an odd twist, perhaps it was the drink, but this per­son, Adrian, had talked about some pills he had been given, pills that would give you complete control over somebody for a time and the person would not remember a thing about the instructions given but would simply obey—'you' being anyone met when the influence of the pills was fresh..

"Like hypnosis?" Judith had said.

"Indeed the same but by chemical means". Adrian explained he was think­ing of using them on a recalcitrant employee, a means of 'bucking her up.' Ju­dith had asked if she was pretty and Adrian had got her drift. He had agreed there was indeed a risk of the unscrupulous use of the pills for other reasons than 'improving' a character. Judith had said she was not vulnerable to the al­lure of pretty girls and Adrian had laughed, as he poured more wine, and made some joke about handsome men. Judith had mentally excluded Adrian from that description but had surprised herself by taking some of the pills when he had pressed her.

There was a bit of a hangover in the morning. Judith had not had one for years and stayed in bed until lunchtime that Saturday feeling sorry for herself and vowing never to drink so much again. It was only after she had got up and showered and wandering around her bedroom that she saw the pills in her handbag and as she saw them the picture of Gary standing naked with his lovely long penis touching the black smooth hairs of his tummy came back into her mind.

"Ridiculous," she said to herself but, even so, she imagined Gary standing there, naked and still, unresisting as she reached out to curl her forefinger and thumb around his hard cock and pull it away from his tummy and began to stroke it. At the image her lips parted and her tongue moved slowly across her top lip.

Judith shook her head. What was she thinking of?