It's Always Fun in the Beginning

Sharing our erotic thoughts and fantasies has always been a thing for us. The email you wrote to me all those years ago was so innocuous. Just a fan reaching out to compliment me on my most recent performance. I never could have imagined what that small interaction would bloom into.

We were strangers, separated by thousands of miles and yet, there was a magnetic familiarity.

Getting to know one another through email was simple enough, with most of our conversations consisting of some sort of sexual content. After all, we did meet on a sex site so that door was already open. The comfort between us came easily. It didn't take long for us to move from the emails to sexting and then to actual phone sex. Eventually we ended up performing over webcam for each other privately and for no cost other than the sheer pleasure of it.

The eroticism was enough for us to keep chatting and seeing each other over cyber space for years. I was obsessed. Each email notification made my heart flutter. The excitement I felt deep in my stomach with what you might be replying or thinking had my senses heightened. I was intoxicated with getting off with you and the high it produced. The satisfaction and pleasure was something I couldn't seem to manufacture outside this world I had created with my cybersex pal.

To say that kissing and telling was our favorite pastime would be an understatement. We got off on each other's stories of passion and strangely looked forward to who was going to get some hot action next. With each orgasm shared and each kink explored our fantasies became more and more involved. From simple romance to taboo subjects, nothing was off limits as we dove deep into each other's minds.

The complication came when we started to incorporate our daily lives into the mix. There have been serious moments and conversations between us. Plenty of jokes, highs and lows throughout the years creating more than a "just sex" relationship. We grew to trust one another with our thoughts and feelings and our interactions within our daily lives started to become consistently common. With so many blurred lines happening it became increasingly difficult to separate the friendship from the sex.

Deep down we both knew that this "friends with benefits" would end eventually. That one of us was bound to meet someone special to take up that place in our lives. We hadn't even formally met each other so how could I find myself that emotionally attached and obsessed? We were bound by cyberspace and telephone calls. So what was it that was so appealing? I knew from the beginning that this was not a reality to be taken seriously. Still, I enjoyed the fiery passion, the groans of pleasure and the red hot chemistry of it all.

As luck should have it, you found yourself a gorgeous woman. Young, bright, and beautiful. She was the full package plus more. Upon hearing the news I should have been happy for you, knowing I was only temporary. Still, it stung. White noise sounded in my brain as you talked about her. How you wanted her, and the life you were going to have with her. I could hear the excitement within your voice as you went on and on. It all sounded like a distant echo. I could hear the tone of your voice but the words were fuzzy. How I wanted to be excited with you and for you. I wanted to be celebrating with you, but I couldn't. After a few moments, I was able to muster up a congratulations.

I didn't realize at the time, but later that night would be my last one entertaining you. It was our typical setup. Each in our respective rooms, webcams on. Ready to go. You loved to watch me masturbate, especially if I got myself to squirt. That hot liquid dribbling from my pussy made you practically lick the screen, giving you an instant erection. Sights and sounds turned you on the most and I made sure to include all your favorites.

I clamped my nipples, licking and pinching them until they were rock hard knowing that you loved seeing those small, pink buds erect and ready. I fucked my ass with my favorite glass dildo. Again, knowing just how much you wanted your cock inside it. The look of lust that spanned across your face and the pleasure across mine always got you moaning while that toy disappeared into that tight little hole. I also used the sex toy you picked out for me. Massaging my pussy lips and manipulating my clit while grinding against the toy, spreading myself wide open after so you could be satisfied with how pink, wet and ready I was for you.

In the midst of my performance, I looked up at one point and I saw how bored you looked during it. The look of someone witnessing the most mundane thing on earth filtered through the electric current and onto my screen. A face that once fully appreciated my naked body and begged for my sex was now begging me to stop without saying a word. Normally you would touch or stroke yourself with enthusiasm, eager to show me the precum oozing from the tip of your cock, but your hands weren't near your lap and your bulge was undetectable. In fact, one hand was firmly planted on the desk while the other supported your cheek as your face leaned on it.

Your words of encouragement were absent. Your requests for certain acts were replaced with small sighs of annoyance every time I called your name out. The dirty language that spewed from my mouth met with just "uh-huhs" or "okays" translated into total boredom. You were totally checked out as you casually drank from a water bottle and checked the clock.

A chill ran across my naked body as your gaze became lifeless. Your eyes pierced my skin making my blood run cold and my erotic display suddenly became a humiliating gesture. I knew at that moment that you wanted something more than a cyber floozy and the connection that we both shared was gone. To save myself some embarrassment, I faked my first orgasm ever in your presence. I'm not sure if you noticed or could tell. I wasn't all that sure you really cared at that point.

The awkwardness of being fully nude in front of you was overwhelming and something I never had thought twice about. Grabbing a blanket from nearby I covered myself hastily. This seemed to grab your attention for a moment. With your face twisting and your brow furrowed, you searched for something to say. I could feel the tension mounting between us. My heart was thumping in my throat as I also struggled to find words to say. The seconds felt like hours. Finally your voice cracked the silence and you wished me a good night. I did the same and the screen went blank. You were gone and not just signed off online. I knew that night the sexual side of what we had was over and it occurred to me that what we had, if anything at all, would be changed.

A few nights went by before we connected again and addressed that night. We talked about how things had to be, hoping to try and salvage the friendship we had formed. It was foolish to not be prepared that this would be a probable outcome. After all there was nothing concrete between us so why was I so distraught? Maybe I was jealous that it had been you and not me to find someone first? Or maybe I was disappointed with the fact that we never made a real move towards something more.