I Want to Share You

The brake lights grew dimmer with distance and we sat in silence which was rewarding after spending a few hours in a crowded bar celebrating Jason's birthday. I watched until eventually Jason's lights went on to a different route, out of sight to finally release the act. It's not too often that I go out to bars or parties, and if I don't find familiar faces in the crowd other than the host then I have a 50/50 chance of being social and having a good time. Truth be told, I have a better time by myself. How come it's easier to be you when no one around knows you?

I decided to bring this guy Eden that I've been spending time with and it was a new experience for me. It's healthy, and I mean the real type of healthy. From the start, Eden has shown nothing but genuine interest. Even after we've fucked, plenty of times does he still find the need to court me. He's taken the time to get to know me and my body. He gets off pleasing me and making me cum. It's hard to think of a day where we didn't have sex, if I had to count on my hand how many times that happened, I wouldn't even make it to the second hand!

Sex with Eden is lively. The way he licks, sucks, and kisses around my clit while fingering both of my holes makes me melt, I turn into the most eager cum slut to have ever graced the planet. To be his fuck toy brings me absolute joy and fulfillment. Literally. There is nothing more rewarding than being able to capture all of his load. I love it when it drips out of me when he pulls out, only for him to then stick his dick back inside of me, pushing the cum around, so it's deep inside my sloppy soaking hole. It's easy to lose all respect for reality when it comes to cumming with one another. If two minutes is all we have then one minute and 30 seconds is what we will work with.

That's not to say everything about our dynamic is about sex, of course not. They have invested into me, with time, energy, and then some. Working to get me to understand their motives and to find comfort around them. There is a deep appreciation for all of this, and even when I am not feeling so sure he reassures me.

Only it's not him that causes me to second guess things. Jealousy is something I have a complicated relationship with. There are times when I feel as though I have it all under control, and then there are times when it feels as if I have nothing together. I don't know what it is, directly, it seems to be a mix of things that make up these feelings.

69 Club usually always has a decent crowd for all their events, so I was not shocked to find the venue stuffed to capacity. The lines were long, the bartenders were busy, and the DJ was working diligently to turn over records in constant rotation for the growing crowd. During the night I had sneak out back a few times just to use the bathroom! At first it felt sketchy, but I soon found comfort in the silent winter air against my skin in the middle of the night as I released myself. When I returned Eden and Jason had kicked things off pretty well, I found them chatting it up. At some point folks started to circulate and Jason pointed out a freed up space to sit. I ended up zoning out, sitting back and observing the crowd. Everyone seemed to be having a really good time as I scanned the crowd I saw couples hugging, friend groups laughing and folks dancing. I wondered if any of them knew the songs or just mastered the way to adapt to a tempo? The most I could come up with was to swing my feet back and forth in my stool.

That's when I saw her.

She walked in with three other women, all of whom looked equally as nice. They were all carrying a sense of empowerment, wherever they were is where they belonged. All of them were dressed in casual t-shirts or button downs paired with torn shorts. She stood out though, this girls outfit was all black, the fishnets were made to come together for a design pattern just on the calves, which I liked. Her hair was cut just below her shoulders into a light blonde bob that swayed back and forth as she danced in the middle of the floor as if no one was watching her. Only I was watching her, and who knows who else?

She was captivating.

"Woah look at that outfit!" Eden shouted over the music.

For some reason this pissed me off and I immediately became jealous, although I had been looking at her myself seconds prior. Did I feel competition, from both him and her? In many ways this is still hot as fuck to me. It's cool how Eden always sees the things I see, as if we share the same set of eyes. Yet there's still something that lingers enough to make me second guess how I feel about these things. Our differences are only surrounded by constant similarities. Ying Yang. A part of me found fear in him gushing over someone else, but why? It had zero connection to something he had done. Really. However, this was too much at the moment, too much to think about in this crowded bar with these songs I can't escape into because I have never heard them before. Too much to think about let alone talk about, because its too fucking loud.

I headed straight for the door, I didn't even grab my coat. I wore a pastel pink corduroy overall that we found thrifting along with my "best time to wear a striped sweater", sweater. The outfit was paired with my pair of milk chocolate brown Vans I bought over the summer. When Eden first saw them he got all excited, when I actually put them on, he could barely control himself. Anyway, I was sure I'd be warm so I stepped out without telling anyone. Space was needed. Once I got outside the low thumps and hums from inside became background noise amongst the cool winter air. The bar stood on the corner of a one way street adjacent to a local Deli. The night had switched well into the witching hour, I pulled out the tiny black travel container that held the joint I rolled earlier.

My mind began to wander from one thing to the next. It was something small but I had felt bad that I had forgotten the cake, even though it was nasty. The cake had fallen, its texture was dry and tasteless. It held the consistency of a firm tofu egg cake. If anything like that would dare to actually exist. So in a way all I am trying to say was that I did everyone a big favor.

"You think he wanted to fuck her?" The unwanted thought invaded the moment.

Does it even matter? I think Eden looks good, he fucks good too, and there has been a few times when I visualized Eden having sex with someone else. I think it would be something new, and I wouldn't mind the experience. Especially if there is space for me to correct and even direct at times. I'd prefer to take the roles of the overseer, Top, voyeur instead of the over used submissive sharing her Dominant trope. Besides, Eden is new to the kink/ BDSM community, but that doesn't mean he hasn't been an unknown participant all this time. His hands are structured, he has firm grips and this gentle way of folding around my joints and massaging my skin that makes me crave him to be inside. More so to feel his hands grip my hips, lower back and ass as he strokes, pounds and stretches his holes.

He likes me to wrap my legs around his neck as he holds both sides of my face to look at me as he uses all services I willingly provide for him. Eden fucks me into complete ecstacy, I get dizzy and panty. My legs even give out at times, when they do he raises them up, goes down to kiss and lick around my pussy and slides back in to fuck me like the perfect slutty fuck toy that I am, for him. It gets better with time, and every time. Objectively I have no problem with Eden sleeping, looking, fucking, flirting, being, thinking about someone else, but subjectively I get this unhealed feeling about it. It has nothing to do with Eden, but more to do with a trauma or unpleasant experience that I have this slight, even faint dis- ease over. I want Eden to fuck other people, and I want to watch. I want to be a part of it. We've discussed this, and he expressed wanting to share someone together. He mirrored the same feelings, jealousy included.

It's a territorial thing, and this makes us want each other more...