The night after the first therapy appointment Rebecca had a series of elaborate, erotic dreams. She woke up tingling, her cotton panties wet and fragrant with excitement, and fleeting images of her dreams flashing though her mind like glimpses of pictures seen through a kaleidoscope lens.
She struggled to remember all the details, but some dreams had already faded to fragments: a clothes store changing room, a deserted beach, a photography session. These images faded the moment she remembered them. Only one dream stuck in her mind as she awoke in the late morning light.
That dream began with her dancing with Andrew at their wedding reception, in the center of a grand, ornate ballroom of black marble and gold. The band played a waltz and as the elegantly dressed couple danced, the other couples stepped back to empty the floor for the happy newlyweds.
With each musical phrase another layer of her shimmering white wedding gown evaporated, exposing her lithe body gradually but relentlessly to the audience. Each veil of gossamer fabric levitated from her gown as though carried off on an unfelt breeze, dissolving into nothingness in the domed vault of the grand ballroom.
The circle of onlookers drew closer and closer around the dancing couple without ever visibly moving. What started the dream as a crowd of the coupleâs real family and friends became in her sleeping imagination a shrinking ring of tuxedo-clad men, all anonymous strangers.
The last layer of Rebeccaâs gown wafted off her supple frame and dissolved, simultaneously baring her pert breasts, round ass, and smoothly-shaved pussy, leaving her dressed in nothing more than sheer pale stockings, glimmering silver heels, and a pearl and diamond tiara.
The enclosing wall of well-dressed groomsmen gazed audaciously at her undulating form, the growing lust evident in their intense expressions and hoarse whispers of encouragement.
Andrew made no move to cover his virginal bride. Instead, he smiled wickedly and lengthened the pace of his dance steps, bringing his newly betrothed closer and closer to the leering onlookers. He twirled and turned his naked wife in moves more appropriate to a sensuous tango than a traditional waltz, intentionally spreading her thighs, parting her buttocks and cupping her breasts.
Pulling her close, facing each other in a tight embrace, he ran his strong fingertips down her spine, wet with perspiration. She gasped as his moistened fingers slipped between her cheeks, and he easily lifted her weightless dream body off her feet. As she dangled helplessly, his middle finger threatening rude entrance into her sensitive rosette, he rasped an imperative.
âTell me to stop!â
In the logic of the dream she didnât need to move and he didnât either, and yet his naked, hard member was pressing against her upper thigh as though it had never been covered by the smooth fabric of his tuxedo slacks.
âNo,â she whispered softly but defiantly as his finger probed past the tight ring of muscle, and as she felt the tip of his cock searching, as though animated by its own rapacious desires, for her warm wetness. She felt the eyes of the men, heard their grunts and moans closeâŠalmost touching.
âMake me stop!â he insisted again in a guttural bellow. But his voice was a lie; his words had no meaning.
The truth was in his ravenous eyes, in his penetrating fingers behind and beneath her, in his inquisitive manhood that had now snaked its way unerringly to its target, demanding entrance into her virginal womb.
The truth was in his mind, and his mind was inside hers in the passion of the dream. All the minds were possessed by hers. She saw her glistening body from all eyes at onceâŠsaw Andrewâs long, slick, veiny weapon tear her open from belowâŠsaw the reaching arms and grasping hands of all the encircling men reach out to clutch her, maul her, pinch her every inch of naked tender flesh as she was impaled by her husbandâs pulsing staff.
In the real world of late morning Rebecca lay nude on her belly on her rumpled bed; her fingers whipping her fragrant juices into a froth of sexual desire as she feverishly worked her throbbing clit. She amplified, repeated and redrafted the last nightâs reverie into a crushing, shuddering cascade of orgasmic quakes, and a final rolling, thunderous climax that dragged her back into unconsciousness.
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The young woman awoke for the second time, spread lewd and naked on her back after nearly an hour of dreamless, exhausted sleep. She was surprised at herself in so many ways.
Normally an early riser, no matter how late she worked or partied, the clock on the dresser now showed past noon. She almost never had erotic dreams and that night she had more than she could remember.
She rarely masturbated and typically felt guilt and shame after bringing herself to, at best, a marginal climax. She had just brought herself to a toe-curling, mind-shattering orgasm and felt nothing but contentedness.
She never stayed naked for long, quickly covering with a towel after showers and not uncovering unless she could quickly dress.
Her mother, left a young widow by her fatherâs death in Afghanistan, turned to fundamentalist values in her grief and taught Rebecca to repress her sexuality in every way. Her mom met Rebeccaâs step-father two years after her fatherâs death through a Bible study session at their Church. He was studying to be a minister, so the home environment became even more repressive after her mother and step-father had three young daughters of their own.
Now Rebecca made no effort to cover herself as she rolled languidly off the bed and stood next to the full-length mirror on her closet door. Quite the opposite, for perhaps the first time since she reached puberty, she spent time lovingly admiring her sensuous naked form, taking pride in her slim, toned figure and soft, smooth skin.
Instead of worrying about her breasts being too small, as she usually did, she marveled at how firm they were, and how pointy and hard her nipples got when she was excited, as she was now.
Instead of thinking her legs were scrawny and gawky, she admired how long and lean they seemed. She even thought her feet and toes looked graceful and elegant, and this was typically an area of her body that she kept covered with socks, closed-toed shoes, or hid under things when she thought that people might see.
She turned away from the mirror and looked over her shoulder at her reflection. Rebecca knew she was similar to other women in that she always hated her ass. Too small compared to some, too large compared to others, too round compared to most.
In the past she hadnât found anything worthwhile about her backside, but as she adopted a series of poses in the mirror--on tiptoe, legs together, legs apart, one foot on the bed to spread her cheeks and unashamedly fingering her own puckered openingâshe was happy and excited with what she saw, as though looking at herself with new eyes.
What was most surprising to the young woman was the part of the dream where she had been exposed to other men. It had excited her, thrilled her deeply. So much so that just thinking about it again, fantasizing about it again, was making her wet, and giving her an erotic warm need in her belly.
She never would have let herself admit that type of feeling before, but for some reason she felt much more confident and comfortable in her own body, and with her own sexuality, since the therapy session with Andrew and Dr. Carter.
Rebecca checked the clock again. Andrew said he was going to pick her up in a little over an hour so they could go clothes shopping. She was excited about getting a new wardrobe. Her old clothes fit her body but didnât fit her new self-image. She wanted clothes that were more revealing, more enticing, more sexually adventurous. Andrew deserved to be with someone more confident, and, more importantly, she needed to feel more deserving and attractive herself.
Saturday mornings the three-bedroom apartment she shared was typically empty. Her roommate Stephanie spent most of her free time with her boyfriend, and they always stayed at his apartment over the weekend. Stephie had the master bedroom with the deluxe multi-jet, surrounding showerheads in the bathroom, and Rebecca always preferred that to the tub & shower combination in the second bathroom that she shared with Juliet.
Juliet was an ER nurse, and worked long shifts that typically didnât bring her home until Saturday evenings. Rebecca at one time had relished the long time alone she could have on Saturdays. Her childhood home had become really busy with her mother and step-father, her three much younger sisters and her all living together in the same two bedroom house that was her natural fatherâs only valuable possession. Sheâd put on her long flannel robe and fluffy slippers and read or do college homework by herself in the living room until it was time for her Saturday night shift at the steakhouse.
But that sense of freedom in solitude didnât last too many weekends and increasingly she found that time alone felt lonely. Her new routine on Saturdays took her to the gym before seven am, to the college library in the morning, and then out to lunch with Andrew before starting her evening shift. Every so often, like tonight, sheâd swap her lucrative Saturday night shift with another server so that she could have a special date night, but even on those days sheâd rarely hang around the apartment past 8 or 9 in the morning.
It was almost 1pm now, and Rebecca put on the nappy flannel robe and ragged slippers, simply out of habit, for the walk to the master bathroom. She glanced back into the mirror and grimaced. The sexy, attractive woman that she had seen in the mirror just a short time earlier had been replaced by a frumpy hausfrau.
Casting off the robe and kicking off the slippers she was gloriously naked again, and could feel the sexual energy electrically recharging her waning self-confidence. Determined to preserve this new feeling of empowerment, she wadded up the robe and slippers in a ball and strode confidently in the buff out through the living room and into the kitchen.
With a quick glance out the kitchen window to make sure that the service road behind the apartment building was empty of the neighborhood kids that sometimes played there, she opened the door, stepped out on the back deck, lifted the lid of the garbage can and assertively disposed of the outdated symbols of her former, timid self.
Only after the wad of material hit the bottom of the empty container with a soft thud did Rebecca remember that she left her diary in the robe pocket. A surge of irrational fear gripped her over the accidental disposal of her record of the past several years of deepest thoughts and most secret feelings. She had to retrieve it!