'Hey Alex?'
There was a knock on my bedroom door, and I looked up from my text book as Sarah opened it and peeked round.
'Oh hi, I didn't realise you were back.'
'Yeah, Mum picked me up on her way back from work, she's sorting something out for dinner now.'
'OK.'
There was a pause. She stood, weight on her left leg, head on one side and her hands behind her back. She seemed to be thinking. Eventually I jumped in.
'Is everything OK?'
'Yeah, it's just,' she paused again, chewing on her bottom lip, 'You know I've been helping to organise this charity thing at uni?'
'Yes.' I said, slowly.
Well, it's next weekend, and everyone I know is taking a date, and I don't really want to go by myself, but I can't miss it after all the work I've put in,' I interrupted her.
'You want me to go with you?'
'If you don't want to, I completely understand, it won't be your kind of thing, and I wouldn't ask otherwise, but, you know,' she was rambling again. She was clearly nervous about asking me out. It was very cute, but I decided to save her blushes and jump in again.
'I'd love to.'
'Really?'
'Yeah. I don't get much time to hang out outside of the house much, and you've put so much work into it, it would be a shame to see you miss out.'
She beamed, and rushed over and gave me a hug. I was sitting down, and her chest wound up pressed into my ear. I patted her on the back.
'OK, it's not that big of a deal,' I said. She stood back. 'So what is this thing anyway? What have I let myself in for?'
It's a kind of dinner-dance thing. We're having a posh meal, and there's a live band, and we're having an auction of stuff people have donated.'
I nodded. 'OK, why don't you think it would be my kind of thing?'
'It's going to be fairly formal. You've never struck me as one for formal attire. Thinking about it,' She went and opened my wardrobe, 'Yeah. We're gonna have to get you something to wear.' She turned back to me. 'Looks like we're going shopping.'
She had a glint in her eye, that most women I know get when they know they can go shopping. I sighed deeply. It's not my favourite activity, but i supposed that some new threads couldn't do me any harm.
'OK,' I said, 'I'll go tomorrow. See what I can find.'
'Tomorrow's no good for me, how about Tuesday morning? It'll be quieter then anyway.'
'Do I need you?' I said warily.
'Well yes.' Sarah snapped, playfully. 'I've seen some of your clothes. I can't take the risk you'll turn up in something wholly inappropriate. Women are just better at this kind of thing.'
I sighed again. 'OK,' I have a lecture first thing, I can probably make it for half ten, eleven maybe.'
'OK, eleven it is.' She beamed again, and left the room.
The following Monday, I was back at the books in my room, when there was a knock at the door. Sarah came in.
'Hello,' I said not looking up. I finished the sentence I was reading and looked up. 'How can I help you this fine evening?'
'Just because we're going to a posh dinner doesn't mean that you're in any way posh all of a sudden, so you can stop talking like that.'
'Sorry.'
'I thought it would be a good idea if we got your measurements before we go shopping tomorrow.'
'I can save you the trouble. I'm an extra large. Job done.'
She smiled sarcastically. 'That may be good enough for your baggy t-shirts and jeans, but we are going to be buying proper clothes.' She emphasised the word 'proper'. I clasped my hand to my heart.
'Young lady, you offend me. There is nothing wrong with my clothes.'
She raised an eyebrow, knowingly. 'Look, whatever you think, I am going to need to know your measurements. Stand up.'
I did as I was told as she took out a tape measure from her pocket.
'Arms up.'
I lifted my arms. She wrapped the tape around my chest, but the material of my baggy shirt kept bunching up.
'You're going to have to take this off.' Sarah smiled up at me.
Of course I did. I lifted it over my head, and tossed it onto the bed. Sarah made me lift my arms again, and she measured my chest again. She took out a small pad and a pen, and made some notes. She measured my arms, my stomach, my shoulders, even my neck. I wasn't entirely sure all this was necessary, but I indulged her. This was her project she'd worked so hard to organise, this was just another thing to make her happy, and I was happy to oblige.
Sarah knelt down in front of me, and without waiting for permission, undid the buttons on my jeans.
'Woah there, missy.' I grabbed at the waistband of my jeans.
'If we're going to get a proper measurement these need to come off.' She smiled warmly at me.
'Fine.'
She reached up to my waistband, and yanked my trousers and underwear down in one movement.
'Hey! That's not necessary.'
'Yes it is,' She said, matter-of-factly, and made me step out of my clothes. I now stood, in just my socks, as this pretty girl folded my trousers neatly and slowly placed them on my bed. I covered my junk with my hands, at least feigning being shy. She turned back to me.
'I can't measure you with your hands there. Just put them up again.'
She grabbed my biceps gently and moved them so i was standing with my arms level with my shoulders. She moved my legs so my feet were about a foot apart, and began measuring. She started with my ankles, and then my calves and thighs. I was positive this wasn't necessary.
Sarah had just started my outer leg measurement, when there was a noise downstairs, as the front door opened, and then closed again.
'I'm home!' Lauren yelled from the hallway, 'Is anyone home?'
'Yes!' Sarah bellowed back, 'I'm with Alex in his room.'
A few moments later my door, which Sarah had left ajar, opened fully and Lauren stood there. Her mouth opened, but she quickly gathered herself as I clasped my hands to my crotch again. Sarah slapped my thigh.
'Hands UP!'
I did as I was told, but she stopped measuring me. Instead she turned to her mother.
'We're just measuring up for our shopping trip tomorrow.'
'OK,' Lauren replied. They then proceeded to have a, I thought rather long, discussion about their days, apparently ignoring the stark naked lodger in front of them. I stood, as still as I could, patiently waiting for them to finish. Eventually, The conversation finished, and Sarah turned back to measuring my waist. Lauren silently blew me a kiss behind her daughter's back and backed out of the room. I smiled awkwardly as she left.
Sarah then wrapped the Tape around my buttocks, and over my pubic hair just above my penis. She made another note in her book, and looked up at me.
'Now for the fun one.'
She held one end of the tape measure at the base of the inside of my foot. She slowly ran the tape up the inside of my leg, until her hand was resting against my junk, and pressed the tape against my taint. She held it there for an unnecessarily long time, before removing the tape and making her final note. She patted me lightly on the bottom of my balls and stood up.