His Best Friend's Girl

The video playing on the PC starts and shows the dorm parking lot, lit by street lamps.

"Okay," says a man's voice on the video, "Dave Hamilton just gave me the call that he's sneaking back from dinner with Milner's ex, and based on how things went on their first date last night, he seems pretty damn confident that he's going to coax a little in-car oral action from her. So, for posterity's sake--and for the masturbatory health of Dave's friends who aren't able to score the way he does--we're going to try to capture it on camera."

"This is the second time we've tried to get this parking lot shot," says the voice, "and we'll hope that it works out better than last time. Different girl last time: you would have thought that getting Nicole to give Dave a blow job would be as easy as snapping your fingers, but I guess not. At least, not in a car. But hopefully Kristin won't disappoint."

Nothing happens in the video for another two or three minutes, until a car turns into the lot. "Here we go..." says the voice, and the car parks in clear view of the camera lens. "Nice, Dave...that is a very...very good spot." The camera view shifts and zooms, and it's now trained directly on the man and woman in the front seat of the car.

"The magic of high-def," says the voice. "It's like being there!" A short pause is followed by a quiet laugh. "Well, it won't be quite as good as being there, but it's the next best thing."

A minute passes while the man and woman talk in the car. "God, I hope this works," says the voice. "I mean, check that out. She is f-ing incredible. Forget blow job, I'd be happy to have two minutes playing with those tits."

The voice stays quiet while the man and woman talk for another minute. "This part won't be quite so boring when Dave overlays the audio he's recording. I guess maybe we'll turn my track into the director's commentary," says the voice, followed by laughter.

"You have to love how Milner's been dating this girl for like three years, she transfers here from California to be with him, and three weeks later she dumps him and his best friend is now secretly banging her. Dave, I've gotta say: you steal Josh's girl, you now try to videotape her blowing you...you're a great friend!" The voice laughs.

The camera zooms up until the woman fills the screen. "I mean, Milner must have known there was no way he deserved a girl that looks like that. Though I have to wonder what he was thinking even introducing her to a cocky bastard like Hamilton who bangs everything in sight. (Dave, I think even you would agree with that assessment.) I guess they were childhood friends or something...maybe Dave wasn't a complete asshole back then."

The voice laughs again. "Just kidding, Dave...you know I love you." On the video, the couple in the car continue to talk.

"From what I've heard, Josh Milner is actually a pretty nice guy, so I almost feel a little guilty in trying to shoot his longtime girlfriend in what I really, really hope is a very compromising position. But when it comes to a choice between Milner's feelings and watching his smoking hot girlfriend go down on a guy with a really huge cock, I think you can appreciate which side of the issue I'm going to come down on."

Another minute goes by until the voice perks up. "Okay...now we're starting to get somewhere," he says, and on the TV the man and woman are kissing. "Things seem to be going as planned..." says the voice. Another minute passes while the two kiss in the car.

"And...there...goes...Dave," says the voice, speaking slowly as events progress, "with his hand up her sweater, and...and...yes...there goes her bra; god Dave is fast...and, underneath that sweater...yes, he is totally...totally playing with her tits." The voice sighs. "I'm not sure how it's possible for something to be so awesome yet so depressing at the same time. Dave...you fuck...what did you ever do to deserve this? God, do I hate you. I mean, I love you, but I hate you."

"What would prove Dave's true status as a god," continued the voice, "is if he somehow manages to get her sweater off entirely. I think that is...adjusting focus here...I think that is highly unlikely in a parking lot situation, however. There's not much activity, but still I can't imagine her actually going for that. Even a quick glimpse, though, if he could just lift up her sweater...but that might be too much to ask for."

"Regardless, things are looking exceptionally good at this moment, I have to say," says the voice, and two more minutes pass. "I love how she looks around every twenty seconds to see if anyone sees her."

Another minute; "Ka. Ching," says the voice. "She is sucking on his fingers...we have now reached 75% certainty that Hamilton's unit will be in her mouth within three minutes. Oh shit, do I have enough tape?" A pause. "Yes, I do." Another sigh from the voice. "God she looks beautiful with her eyes closed."

And another minute; "Okay: we now stand at 97% certainty of oral because she is feeling around his pants, evidently trying to find his zipper. You cannot get a more positive sign than that at this point. Unless you're Josh Milner, in which case the odds of this video turning out the way you'd hoped have just dropped to about 3%."

"Zipper down and she's feeling her way around...and...mission accomplished, she has pulled out his rod. Jesus Christ, Hamilton. It looks like she's trying to say something while simultaneously licking Hamilton's fingers and running her hand all over his cock. God I can't wait to find out what she's saying."

"Hmmm...what is she saying?" asks the voice. "Maybe she's worried things are going too fast? Or...maybe she's feeling guilty that her ex is in his room a hundred feet away jacking off by himself while she prepares to blow his best friend? Or...maybe she's just telling Hamilton that she's been dreaming of this all day and she wants to suck his dick more than anything in the world?" A pause. "Just for my own masturbatory sake, I'll go with that. I mean, look at the expression on her face. This is damn compelling television."

"And...she's looking around...and...and...holy shit..."

"That is absolutely...without a shadow of a doubt...definitely a blow job that she is giving him. And Hamilton is grinning, and...good god, giving me a thumbs-up...Dave, you fucking asshole, you god damn bastard. There is no way in hell you deserve a girl like that. No fucking way. But, I should add that," the voice continues, "despite my protests I am damn happy to be here witnessing it."

"We are now well into minute two, and while we continue to enjoy the spectacle of Milner's knockout girlfriend enjoying Hamilton's piece, I'd like to thank Tim Robeson for letting us use his third floor vantage point, otherwise we would be seeing nothing but Hamilton's ugly mug and the back of Kristin's head popping up every twenty seconds or so."

"Now into minute four, and: god damn, Kris does not seem to be in a hurry. Look at Hamilton's expression: it looks like he's going to melt. Holy shit. Hamilton, you can't see me now, but I am giving you the finger. I am giving you both of my fingers because you suck. It is not fair that the hottest girl I've ever seen is blowing you right now; it is not fair that you bang every hot girl on this campus. Though it is completely fair that you let me watch the videos of you doing so. That is completely fair, and probably the only good thing you've ever done in your life."

A long period of silence while the woman continues to perform on the man, until the voice speaks up: "Minute seven, and I'm going to take this moment to say something incredibly important and heartfelt that I've come to realize in these last minutes. Kristin: I love you; I love you and intend to make you my wife. I know it's not an ideal situation: you seem to be in to my friend Dave in a fairly serious way at the moment, but I'm willing to look past that if you are. Dave's all but certain to dump you in two weeks, like he does every other girl he screws with, and I promise I'll be there to be the shoulder you can cry on...the face that you can rub your spectacular breasts against...the penis you can put in your mouth whenever you're feeling down...I know every guy on campus wants to nail you, but I'm here to tell you that they don't feel about you the way that I do."

A long sigh from the voice. "I'll take any sign from you that you feel the same..."

Ten seconds of silence, while the woman continues performing on the man.

"Any sign...any...sign at all..."

"Well...take your time in getting back to me; relationships like the one we're going to have aren't built in a day."

"Now into minute...ten!...holy crap...but it's pretty clear Kristin means business. This is going to be over soon...there's no fucking way Dave can hold out any longer. I mean, it's all I can do to hold out."

"And...and...here we go...Dave's saying something...he's saying something...we can't hear him, but I think we know what he's saying...and..."

"Oh...holy...fuck. Holy...fuck." A long exhale from the voice.

"I think the, uh...I think the image here speaks for itself. Holy shit." There is silence.

"I think we have to say that that completely lived up to the pre-event hype." Twenty seconds later, the man and woman are back to kissing.

"But sadly," says the voice, "that climax brings us to the end of another chapter in the spectacular Dave Hamilton video collection. I'm going to thank Dave despite the fact that I want to choke him; I'd like to console, but yet thank, Josh Milner for bringing such fantastic piece of ass to the attention of an unscrupulous, horny bastard like Dave; but mainly I'd like to thank the lovely and adorable future Mrs. Mike Thomas for her help in making tonight the event it was. Kristin, you've given me something that will not only cause me to abuse myself an estimated six to eight times in the next twelve hours, but something I'm sure I'll be masturbating to for the rest of my life; thank you, and thank you again. I look forward to seeing you in Econ on Tuesday, where I'll be the one ogling you throughout the duration of the class. To all of you, thank you, and good night."

The video ends. Josh Milner, masturbating in front of his PC, comes harder than he ever has. He stares at his monitor for eight minutes, resets the movie, and starts it again.