Huh?
I was startled awake by the wet nose of an orange cat, sniffing my own. The cat jumped back, and then over to the person sleeping next to me.
I wish that I'd stayed asleep, 'cause my head was absolutely throbbing. "OK, Fred, I'll let you out," I heard the person next to me say. It was a woman's voice, a bit lower than I'd expect, but still dulcet. Who had I slept with.
My eyes weren't focusing right, 'cause she was still blurry to me, as I saw her get out of what passed for a bed; it was just a mattress on the floor. She was wearing an oversized t-shirt, but I could tell, despite my blurry vision, as she struggled out of the too-low bed that she wasn't wearing anything under it; her bottom was on full display.
Who the Hell was she? She sure wasn't any skinny-minnie, the kind of girls I usually date. I heard a "Don't stay out all day, Fred," as she let the cat out, the glass rattle in an old back door as she closed that behind her critter, and then another door close. Figuring that she went into the head, I checked myself, and yup, I was naked under the covers. Crap, who
was
this girl?
A minute later, the door opened, and she walked over to the edge of the bed, still in nothing but that t-shirt. If I'd been standing up, or even sitting on a couch, her shirt would have been long enough to cover her, but laying on a mattress on the floor, I had a clear view as she stood practically over the top of me. "Bathroom's that way," she said, "in case you don't remember."
Well, no, I didn't remember, and really couldn't remember much of anything; my brain was a haze, a throbbing haze. Getting out of this bed wasn't going to be any fun, but my bladder told me that I had to do it, and soon. The world kind of tilted on its side as I was getting up, and if this girl hadn't been there to grab my hand, I'd have fallen down.
I've been naked in front of other women before, so the fact I didn't have any clothes didn't bother me too much, but I'd still rather be naked in front of women I actually knew. I staggered to the bathroom, and was about to put the seat up to take a piss, when I realized, no, I'd better sit down, and my bowels just emptied themselves a fraction of a second after I got my ass down on the seat. My poop hit so hard that some toilet water splashed high enough to splatter me.
Yuck!
I was still sitting there, a minute later, when the door was opened a bit, and the woman's arm extended in, holding a new toothbrush still in the case and a towel. "Here, you'll need this. The water's backwards in the shower; the hot's on the right." Then the door closed again.
Well, yeah, she was right, I did need those things. The bathroom looked clean enough, but there was still a slight whiff of vomit, too-much-beer vomit. That explained my hangover and why my mouth tasted like the inside of a garbage truck.
Whoever this chick was, she used the same Colgate toothpaste I used, so at least that was familiar. I turned on the shower, waited longer than I'd expected for the hot water to get there, and then climbed in. There were women's things in the shower, some sort of creamy pink shampoo, and a separate bottle of conditioner, a Venus razor and an only-used-once bar of Dove soap. Men didn't use this bathroom. I was racking my hangover-clouded brain, trying to remember who this woman was.
It was a war, between me wanting to stay under the hot water forever, and the throbbing of my skull telling me that I didn't want to keep standing up. At least I was starting to feel clean again, so I got out, and dried myself with the too-small, too-worn towel. The damned thing wouldn't even go all the way around my waist, and my clothes were nowhere in sight. After I dried off, as best I could, I opened the door and called out, "Hey, where are my jeans?"
"Drying on the line out back," was the answer I got, from a voice that sounded like it wasn't pointed at the bathroom door. "Don't worry about it; you don't have anything I haven't already seen."
Well, that was one Hell of an answer, but there was nothing to do about it other than emerge in all of my glory.
And there she was, on her knees, her bare ass shining into the breeze as she was putting a clean fitted sheet on the mattress on the floor. No wonder she didn't think I needed to cover up;
she
sure wasn't shy about anything! She stood up after I staggered out of the bathroom; she had to know that she'd exposed herself to me.
"You still look a bit green around the gills. You want breakfast, or just some coffee?" She threw the old sheet into a laundry hamper.
"Just coffee," I managed to mumble, as she walked into this crap kitchen. She motioned to these bare wooden chairs around an old Formica-topped kitchen table, red and grey, in a style straight out of the 1950s. Her butt came into view again as she reached up for the coffee can, on the middle shelf in the upper cabinet. I guess that she figured I'd need a lot of coffee, because she put enough water into the carafe for a full ten cups, before pouring it into an old Mr Coffee drip coffee maker. A couple of scoops of Folgers, and she pushed the button to start the machine.
"I'll be out in a few minutes; I need a shower myself after last night." Then she turned around, grabbed another towel off a shelf, and headed into the bathroom.
I just sat there, looking around, when I looked out the glass in the back door. There were my clothes, hung on a makeshift clothesline, out on the back porch. Good thing it was on the porch, because it was raining outside. I heard a scratching at the back door, realized that it was her cat, and struggled to my feet to let it in. Just then, she walked back into the kitchen, towel-drying her hair, and she was as naked as the day she was born.
Well, I guess that was fair enough, 'cause so was I! She threw the wet towel, and that t-shirt she'd been wearing, into the same hamper as the old sheets, and then poured us each a cup of coffee, offering it with a "Here you go."
"Ummm, listen," I began, when she busted out laughing.
"You don't remember one God damned thing, do you?" she laughed at me.
"Uhhh, not much," I mumbled, still trying to piece things together, wholly unsuccessfully. "Did we . . .?" I left that question unfinished, because I knew she'd know what I meant.
She was laughing even harder now. "No, sweetie, we didn't. You couldn't have even if you'd tried, you were so drunk. You were about three-quarters passed out, when you puked all over yourself. Everybody else left then, and Amy helped me get your nasty clothes off and roll you into bed, before she left, too. I washed your stuff out in the sink, and then hung them on the line out back before I went to bed. You'd puked on the couch a bit, too, so I couldn't sleep there. I tried to clean that off, and got it pretty good, but that still left it wet."
"Damn. I guess it's going to take a while before my clothes dry off, what with the rainy day and all."
She laughed again. "Do you mind? Heck, I'm usually naked at home anyway; the only reason I was wearing that shirt overnight was because you were there. Anyway, the rain is supposed to move out any time now, and then it'll get sunny and hot. Ought to be a perfect beach day, if you get over your hangover."
"Oh, man, I'd need about the darkest pair of sunglasses they make to hit the beach today! And I'd have to get home to grab some shorts, too."
"No, you wouldn't: Gunnison's a nude beach."
Huh? Just who as this girl, and was she nuts? Walking around her house naked, and then suggesting a nude beach? And she made it so that I was stuck naked, too?
I looked around the apartment, if you want to call it that. It had an old couch, with a darker damp spot on one end, I guess where she had to clean up after me. There was an old recliner in there as well, one which had seen better days, and was covered with a big towel tucked in all the way around, probably to hide stained upholstery. The mattress was in a corner; clearly this was just a one-room place. Fortunately, there was a wooden 'Anne' hung on the wall, and that was just enough of a clue to jog what little was left of my memory; Steve and I had somehow gotten into a party at a friend of Amy's, and the friend was named Anne. There had been beer there, and tequila as well, and we'd chased shots of tequila with beer.