"Would you mind sitting next to me?"
Normally? Yes. I don't care for couples that sit on the same side of the booth, truth be told. It irritates me. Something pathetic about it.
We're in a little underground joint called the Black Cat, a steakhouse and jazz bar that opened up a few months back I'd been meaning to visit. An old acquaintance, Juliette from New Orleans, works here now and told me to check it out during one of her shift nights, and I told her I'd visit any jazz bar recommended by a Creole girl. I arrived before the band started, and sweet little Juliette gave me a big hug and the corner booth — best seat in the house, she said — and then she bought me a beer.
The club was dark inside, brick-lined, and already buzzing with hype. Blue and red stage lights crisscrossed the floor. I picked the seat facing the wall, my back to the dining hall. I like surprises, I suppose; and I don't like seeming eager, craning my neck for every woman who walks in. I also don't like getting set up on dates as a rule, though I thought about it and realized it's been six weeks since Jolayne left and what the hell else was I doing. The photos of this girl looked good, really good; and if it doesn't work out, I thought, I could shoot a shot at Juliette.
Tap on the shoulder takes me out of my head.
Juliette again
, I think, but it's not. It's Cassidy. I scoot back to stand up and to take her in: legs with definition, dress wrapped tightly around some fine curves. Bare shoulders, thin arms, long cleavage line. And a face . . . well, what can I say. The photos didn't do it justice, so how would my words? Besides, I'm speechless.
I smile. She does too, and so damn well, tilting her head, her chestnut finger coils bouncing pleasantly. I go for the hug, not the handshake, and it feels good in there.
So I don't really argue when she asks me to sit at her side.
"I don't usually do this," she starts off. "But my baby cousin speaks highly of you."
"I don't either," I say, fighting to look her in the eye. "And Drew's good people."
"Good genes," she says. "That's what it's all about." I laugh because I don't know what else to do.
"So," I start, "What's a woman like you do around town?"
She exhales and smiles again like she's humoring me. Leaning in, she touches my thigh.
"Listen . . . I appreciate you coming out tonight. For real." Eyes all wide and cute as hell. "But I'm not going to beat around the bush. I get asked out on a lot of dates. You get that, right?"
"Sure," I reply.
"I ain't trying to be conceited. That's just how it is. I know why. You know why."
I nod, not sure where this is going.
"Guys see in me something they want. I get that," she says, then frowns. "But me? What I want I can't easily see."
"Yeah . . . yeah, I get you," I'm nodding, now with feeling. But she just laughs, just smiles even more condescendingly.
"Oh . . . no," she laughs. "I'm not looking for a heart of gold."
"Okay."
"I mean, I don't consider myself superficial. But I do have certain . . . standards."
"Right," I say.
"Physical standards."
"Everyone does."
"Well," she remarks with a grin, "Mine are . . . socially challenging," She leans in closer. "I need a certain size," accentuating 'size' with a flick of her eyebrows.
I pretend not to know what she means. She can't mean that. "You mean, like height?"
She giggles, touching my arm. "Uh, more like length."
"Oh."
"Girth too."
"Wow."
"I'm known on the street as a size queen."
I lean back, disbelief on my face. "Just like that, huh."
She shrugs sheepishly. "I know how I come across. I don't wanna waste nobody's time, is all, you feel me?"
"What's that mean to you?"
She shrugs again. "I need to see it."
"You need to see it."
Giggles again. "Yeah," she says, tapping her nails on her teeth. "Need to see it."
I'm nodding and laughing. "Or what?"
"Or I'm out," she answers carelessly.
I rock back and forth for a second. "Now I know why you need to get set up by your cousin."
She laughs easily, real nice-like — man, she seems like fun — and she scrunches her face up. "I'm the worst, right?" She stops laughing, though, and raises her eyebrows, looking down at my crotch. There's a very awkward pause.
"So what are we talking about here?" I ask.
"I'd like to take it out and look at it."
I cough-laugh, and clap a couple of times. She wrinkles her nose like a bunny. "It's okay if you want to end this now. It's a big ask for a first date."
I'm feeling like this is serious, and it's making me uncomfortable.
"You coulda asked for a picture last night."
She squints, pursing her soft lips. "Pictures can lie," muses Cassidy, nodding philosophically. "Believe that I've tried it before."
I'm feeling low-key angry now. "You're serious?"
She nods.
"You actually mean the words that you're saying to me with your mouth-hole?"
She giggles, nods again. "It just doesn't make sense to start any other way for me," she tells me plaintively. "You cute, and I know you paid, and honestly, you seem cool as hell — I bet a lotta ladies are jealous of me right now — but I need to be . . . guaranteed a good time. I can't really . . ." she pauses, waving her fingers in mild disgust, "deal with anything less than." She looks at me blankly. "The truth is, I'm not looking for much more in a man right now."
The strangest sensation comes over me. She softens her tone: "I promise it'll be just a peek."
Am I considering this? I'm as batshit as she is.
"So . . . you want me to take it out for you?"
"No," she corrects, "I want to take it out for me."
"My, uh . . ."
Smiling bigger with teeth. "Your cock, yes."
I'm cold all of a sudden. Then hot. "Where were you planning on doing this? The bathroom?"
She casually looks around. "I think here'll be fine."
I look around too. The booth's in the back corner, away from the kitchen and stage. Most people are hanging out at the bar, their view of us blocked. There are a few tables of folks dining in front of us, but they don't seem to be looking our way. I think she may be right.
She turns serious, businesslike. "Are we good?" I swallow. She's the most beautiful date I've had in years, maybe ever? How can I say no? How can I say yes?
I try to smile. "You're out your damn mind, you know that?" Cassidy stares at me expectantly.
I nod.
She mock-applauds with the tips of her fingers, making the shape of a little tepee. "I gotta say, I love the confidence." She unrolls my napkin from the silverware and ceremoniously places it on my lap, her hand back on my thigh. She seems to be considering something. "You know, you haven't asked what happens if I'm. . . disappointed."
"That's true," I answer defiantly. "I figure you walk out."
She smiles cautiously. "Huh. And you good with that?"
"I like my chances."
"Uh-huh," she replies. "So how would you . . . self-assess?"
"You really want me to spoil the surprise?"
Now she's rocking back and forth. superciliously twisting up her mouth. I can't tell if she's skeptical or impressed. "Well, okay, sir," she says, "Let's find out."
"Hey there, y'all!" I hear from behind, making me flinch. Juliette. I try to act normal but can't. No words come. She turns to my date. "Can I get you something to drink?"
"I'll have a Johnny Walker Blue, neat."
"A-mazing . . . You good with your beer?"
I clear my throat. "Get us two whiskies."
"That. I. Will," She smiles like a friend, lingering a second too long before leaving.
I feel the hand move up. My heart races. Looking around the room I catch the eye of a woman at the table across the way: her styled hair reddish in the sparse light, low-cut blouse, an ostentatious diamond necklace drooping heavily downward. She strikes me as an ex-model, maybe a trophy wife. I think I see her notice me; smirking, she turns back to her date. I fixate upon her — her tight black dress, her lovely breasts, her pale white complexion — and I ask myself what she's doing in a place like this when I feel my pant button pop open, the zipper unzip. Redhead checks me out again. We maintain eye contact until I hear Cassidy say: "Hey . . . Look at me."
Her eyes are sparkling, her teeth unnaturally white. Her light-brown skin is poreless, even at this proximity. I can smell how fresh she is. Her fingers find the opening to the front of my shorts and slip in. She's scanning my face, and her eyes brighten as mine react to the cold of her touch. Her tongue wets her lips.
I feel it fall out. I feel the air on my foreskin. I feel the coarse weave of the thick napkin.
"This feels . . . good," she says slowly, as if on the verge of an idea. She lets go of my penis and puts her arm around me. With the other hand, she lifts up a corner of the napkin between her finger and thumb.