I had known George a while, but not very well. We shared a chat over a pint from time to time in the local pub, but otherwise our lives never overlapped. He was about 10 years older than me, although he looked much younger. He had taken up running in his late 30s and did at least four marathons a year, even now in his mid 60s. He was widowed after his wife died a year ago, very suddenly from a malignant melanoma. From diagnosis to her death was only six weeks. They had been married when they were both nineteen and had never been apart since.
I remembered his wife. A tall, plump blonde, she was the local eccentric. She went into shorts and tee shirt about May and dressed like that until about October. She had been I believe some sort of academic, but I never knew her field of study. When George was made redundant at about 55, with an extremely good settlement, she gave up her job and the two of them settled down to what looked like a totally hedonistic life. She was talked about in hushed tones by some of the village Mafia as that 'nudist woman', which was true. She had been a life long naturist. Bill didn't share her interest, except, he told me, at home. He enjoyed the site of his plump wife wandering around the house stark naked and was quite happy to do likewise, since it led as he put it to 'lots of shagging'.
I could confirm she was a naturist from direct observation once when I had to deliver a package left at my house by mistake. George opened the door, wearing a bathrobe, but over his shoulder through an open door I could see the smooth bronzed body of his wife as she vacuumed the dining room at the rear of the house. I didn't let on I had seen her, but I don't think either of them would have bothered anyway.
Anyway, when she died, George went to pieces. After the funeral, he told me he went home and steadily drank his way through all the booze in the house. After about a week it was all gone and he sobered up enough to realise he wouldn't last long at this rate. He showered and cleaned up the house, restocked the fridge and freezer and tried to put his life together. Until then he had steadfastly refused to speak to anyone. Once he appeared in public again, apparently behaving as usual, we all heaved a sigh of relief.
His life wasn't normal of course. The outward front looked normal, but at home he simply sat in a chair and stared at the wall. Some nights he didn't even go to bed, just looked at the wall until daybreak, when he would get changed and go for a run. He told me that it was only when he was running that he felt alive again. Without realising it, his daily circuit got longer and longer until he was doing around 30-40 miles per day. Two or three times a week, he would come home, have a shower then wander over the road to the pub for a pint and something to eat.
About six months after she died, he was in the pub as usual, sitting in the corner next to the fire, when a couple of the local yummy-mummies trotted in. He never named them but I think I know who they were. They stayed at home bored out of their minds, while hubby did something they couldn't be bothered to find out about in the nearby city. Their lives were in some ways even emptier than George's, with an endless round of coffee mornings, jewellery parties and drinks on the terrace. They might be seen occasionally in their designer tracksuits and sweatbands doing a couple of circuits of the village green, but normally the closest they got to breaking into a sweat was shouting at their cleaning lady for forgetting to clean the shower.
It was only once they had a gin and tonic each that they noticed George in his corner. One of them, let's call her Samantha, nudged the other, we'll call her Rebecca, and whispered something to her. George's public behaviour was well known to most people in the village, but Rebecca had arrived after his wife had died and Tracy was obviously filling her in on the back-story.
They trotted over to him in his corner.
"Do you mind if we sit here, its frightfully cold outside," says Samantha.
"Be my guest," grunted George, not really looking up from his newspaper. He didn't like his carefully constructed ritual to be disturbed.
"Tracy told me about your wife" says Rebecca, unaware that this was just not done. No one ever mentioned Grace, not out of sensitivity for George, but because they didn't know how to react themselves. Rebecca blundered on regardless.
"It must be very difficult after such a long marriage."
"It is." Rebecca scooted along the seat towards him and put her hand on his. "You are very brave." George looked up at her. He was a good-hearted bloke and knew she was just brainless not hurtful so resisted the temptation to tell her to bugger off and leave him alone.
"Life and death," he said. "Nothing we can do about it." A man of few words at the best of times, he didn't really want to get into a chat with this pair.
She persisted, though. "Do you find that your running helps? I love running."
Her friend looked on aghast as this brainless bimbo blundered on, ignoring the tugs at her sleeve. George knew of course that the topic of Grace never came up, just as his week long bender was never mentioned. It was too much to say he felt liberated by this one wittering on, but it didn't feel as bad as he had expected. He looked up from his newspaper. Rebecca had somehow got the message and was looking anxiously at him.
It was the wrong message though. "Is it too painful to talk?" she simpered.
Despite himself, George couldn't help warming to her artless concern. He put down his paper.
"It is painful yes. I was married for over 40 years. With that sort of relationship when one person goes, it is a huge hole in your world. Nothing will fill that hole so you work round it, you fill your time somehow. Jung said that Life behaves as if it were going on anyway and so it is better to just live on - to look forward to the next day, as if we had centuries left not years or days. Then we can live properly. When we are afraid though, when we don't look forward, we can only look back, and that way we petrify and we die before our time. Grace lived her life to the end as if she was going on forever. I owe it to her to do the same."
To his amazement both women began to weep. Samantha almost sobbing while Rebecca was sniffing back the tears. Both were deeply affected.
He stood up saying "It looks as if you both need another drink," and went over to the bar. By the time he got back with two more gins and a whisky for himself, they had pulled themselves together and were sitting rather shamefacedly side by side in the corner, Rebecca having moved over to take his seat beside Samantha. She made as if to get up but he motioned her to stay, dropping into a space on Samantha's other side. He took her hand and patted it. "I'm sorry," he said, "I don't usually come on so maudlin."
"That wasn't maudlin, it was remarkable. I wish I could apply that philosophy to my own life," said Samantha. She spoke with real intensity, almost venomous and Rebecca looked at her in concern.
"Sam? Are you OK?" Sam knocked back her drink, shuddered and gave the glass to Rebecca. "Another one Becca, please?"
Becca took the glass and went to the bar, coming back with two more gins and a whisky for George, although his first was hardly touched.
"Are you OK, Samantha?" he asked gently. He put his hand over hers on the table. She looked up at him, red eyed.