Time crawled on and my virginity stayed intact. I had a few fumbles with a guy or two after a couple of dates but I still struggled to let them go any further than getting their hands up my skirt. Of course, even though I returned the favour, it always resulted in them not calling and actively avoiding any contact I tried to make.
I was at my best friend Sam's flat one Saturday night with our mutual friend Kirsten; we were having a catch up over pizza and wine. Once we had got onto our third bottle of white, the sex talk started.
"I'm not kidding, he was that big that I couldn't walk properly the next day," Kirsten said then laughed. She stood up and walked bow legged across the room to demonstrate how hard she had been fucked the weekend before. We all laughed and she sat back down.
"Come on, don't be making Mollie jealous," Sam said with a look in my direction.
"Still no action, Moll?" Kirsten asked, taking another drink.
"Nope, I'm thinking of becoming a nun though," I joked. There's nothing more I want than to be fucked so hard I can't stand up but I just can't seem to get there. Things are all good until it gets to undressing then I generally freak out and make an excuse or run away.
I've no idea why, I've got a decent body and I'm not shy but I just can't take that step. I thought it was just a phase, some nervous glitch when things got physical with my first serious boyfriend but after he left due to my frigidity I never seemed to be able put myself out there again. After three years though it was more than just a phase, it was getting beyond ridiculous.
"I can set you up if you want, though I'm not sure the size of him would be good for a first time," Kirsten mused, I guessed she was thinking of the guy she had just been telling us about.
"It's not lack of willing men that's the issue, it's my reluctance to let them use anything more than their fingers," I told them both.
"And tongues, surely?" Sam said with a wink. I didn't get what she was saying and my face obviously gave me away. "Come on, Mollie," her eyes were wide, her eyebrows raised in surprise.
"You've never let anyone go down on you?" Kirsten asked me.
"They're lucky if I take my panties off, never mind let them get their head down there," I said with an awkward laugh.
"Seriously, Mollie, if you don't get laid by the end of the month I'll eat you out myself," Sam said. Me and Kirsten laughed but Sam's smile had a hint of seriousness to it.
Our conversation continued, moving on to men we thought were hot and then a rapid fire question and answer session on famous men that I would let fuck me if I had the chance.
After five bottles of wine between us we were all worse for wear. Since I had drove Kirsten over and I was in no state to drive we decided to crash at Sam's rather than pay for a taxi.
Sam gave us blankets and pillows so we could sleep on the sofas in her front room. Kirsten was snoring before Sam was even back with our temporary bedding so I threw a blanket over her then dropped the pillows onto my makeshift bed for the night.