My sexual revelation came when least expected and most needed. The relationship with the one who I thought was the love of my life had unraveled, and I was still wallowing in sadness and dismay.
I live in a one-bedroom garden apartment writing reviews for consumer magazines and playing drums in a cover band at a beach bar on the weekends. Recently I noticed that a teen-age girl and her mother had moved into the apartment across the courtyard from mine. At first I was more attracted to the mother, who is closer to my age though probably a bit older. She's tall and shapely with firm legs that suggest regular exercise. I'd seen her with a man but it appeared he didn't live there. The daughter didn't strike me as a knockout but attractive. Couldn't help notice the round, jaunty ass that she flaunts with a sensuous sway. I hadn't gotten a close look at her face until one afternoon when I was cutting through a narrow, wooded path behind the apartment complex on the way to one of routes I run. To my surprise, this girl was splayed on the side of a small knoll in an embrace with a boy. He had her tank top pushed above her breasts and a hand in her jeans. She was biting her lower lip and had a dreamy look on her face. She didn't seem alarmed or change her expression when she noticed me. I hurried on past but had a clear enough look to recognize my new, young neighbor.
After that I kept a more attentive eye on the apartment across the way, but didn't get a clear look at the girl until she surprised me again late one night about a week later. I was walking through the parking lot and noticed a young guy on the driver's side of a small pickup truck. The way his head was arched back caught my attention, but the situation didn't register until another head popped up and I was again awkwardly face to face with the girl from across the courtyard. This time when our eyes met, she smiled slyly just before I got flustered and turned away. The one thing that struck me, aside from embarrassment and a twinge of envy, was that this was a different boy than the one I'd seen her on the grass. The guy in the truck had short, sandy-colored hair, while the one in the woods had black hair.
The next time I saw her I was eating a steak I had barbecued outside my apartment early one evening. It was early spring, the best time of year in Florida, and I wanted to be outside as much as possible. I was enjoying the steak, watching a nearly full moon peeking above the building across the way. I didn't see anyone approaching and was startled slightly when a voice said, "Mmm, smells good" Ah, my frisky neighbor strolling slowly past on the way to her apartment.
I said "Hi," she said "Hi," and I thought she was going to keep walking. My eyes were drifting down to her ass accentuated by tight jeans. She whirled around suddenly and asked if I had a match. She caught me staring, it registered in her eyes.
I don't smoke but had half a pack in my pocket from lighting the grill. She took it, lit a cigarette and remarked that it wasn't "very neighborly to have a cookout and not invite your neighbor."
I said, "Gee, sorry, but I haven't met my new neighbor."
She giggled. "Guess we haven't been formally introduced. I'm Tammy."
She hung around and smoked her cigarette while I ate my steak. The smoking didn't thrill me, but I was happy for her company. Now that I had a close look at her face, she was cute enough with mischievous brown eyes and soft, full lips.
Gradually the portrait of Tammy emerged. She said she was 20 and worked as a receptionist at an auto body shop. As I'd figured, she was living with her divorced mom, who had a boyfriend and taught a spinning class at the same gym I belonged to.
"She's nagging me to quit smoking and start classes at the community college. I don't smoke that much, so it's not a big deal. I'm trying to save some money for college, but I'm not in a hurry. Don't really know what I want to do yet. I just want to have some fun right now and I'll figure it out later."
Feeling self-conscious eating in front of her, I offered a piece of steak and was surprised by the enthusiasm with which she accepted. She stomped out the cigarette and took the meat off my fork with her teeth. She took her time chewing it, giving it the Rachael Ray treatment of appreciative moans and facial expressions of rapture. Have to admit, I felt a twinge down below from watching the pleasure on her face.
"Damn good!" she said. "So, do you always eat alone?"
"No, not always, but quite a bit lately. I'm in ... ah ... transition."
I told her about my recent breakup and what I was doing. Not that much to tell, really. I said I'd traveled a lot by myself and didn't mind being alone. She said she preferred company. Her mom was often busy with her boyfriend, but fortunately she had a lot of friends. She kind of smiled when she said that and looked away. She thanked me for the matches and the bite of steak and said she'd catch me later, then sauntered off with a sensuous gait that was clearly for my benefit. It was a nice sideshow to my meal, and I looked forward to our next encounter.
Late that Friday night I was sitting outside with a martini unwinding from the gig, enjoying the fresh air, gazing at the moon. Once again she caught me by surprise.
"So now you're out here drinking alone. That's not good."
Tammy was barefoot, sandals in hand. I said 'hi' and she said 'hi' back but kept on walking to her apartment. I watched her go inside, saw lights go on and thought that was it. But a few minutes later she came out and headed across the courtyard in my direction.
"Sorry couldn't stop and chat before. Had to pee like crazy."
She sat down and pulled out a partially-smoked joint, said "Hope you don't mind," and lit it before I could reply. I watched her suck it in, noticing the way her lips puckered, and declined when she reached out to pass it – didn't want to start up with that again.
She stretched her legs out on the chaise to the right of where I sat on the metal glider as she sucked in the last few tokes. I sat there taking it all in: denim shorts and a white tank top that drew my eyes to a pair of prominent points visible in the dim light. No bra, I thought, and scanned the expanse of legs, crossed at the ankles, to feet that rocked to a beat in her head as she inhaled. I offered a sip of my drink and she said, "Wow, that's really good. Nice and dirty. Just the way I like it."
She accepted my offer to make one for her. When I returned with two brimming Grey Goose beauties, Tammy was lounging comfortably, knees up, fingers tapping playfully on her thighs. I wondered what music she was hearing in her head.
"You probably think I'm really bad," she said after a long, satisfying sip. "All these vices."
"I'm not making any judgment at all. I barely know you."
"I'll have you know, I've been off the other kind of cigarettes for a couple days. I went to the gym yesterday, working out my bod. And I'm thinking about enrolling for a couple of classes. Maybe. . ."
"That's good if it's what you want to do."
"We'll see. I just figure, why not enjoy the things you like? Can't take life too seriously."
Her knees were knocking together rhythmically and I was mesmerized by those creamy thighs in the moonlight, stealing glances at the dark strip of denim in between at each parting.
"So you're not dating anyone at all now?"
"Not at the moment. Not lately."
"How long since you had a girlfriend?"
