I'd already been masturbating all morning. I had to get out of the house and go for a walk. I had to go somewhere public, somewhere VERY public so I wouldn't be tempted to shove my hands back down inside my pants - again!
I had recently joined an online "Erotica" writing group and my initial curiosity of erotica and its subject matter, had grown rapidly and recently developed into a fully-fledged obsession. I couldn't keep away from the computer any available waking hour I had.
I'd started to get up an hour earlier than I needed before work just to go online, and when I got home from work in the afternoons, I had a little ritual of making a strong cup of coffee, locating the latest chocolate obsession in my cupboard and sitting down in front of the computer. I'd go online, click onto the site, and log in. I had an insatiable thirst to see what was new, to see who had written something really exciting, something that I hadn't yet read. I was constantly looking for those topics I had until recently, considered taboo.
When I first joined the site I had lurked quietly in the background, privately reading everyone else's contributions. At first I stuck to what I considered to be the 'safe' topics; gay sex; lesbian sex; group sex; romantic sex; the topics I didn't feel uncomfortable about reading and or talking about. Ironic that even in the safety and security of my own home, and I lived alone, that I still felt uncomfortable reading sexually orientated topics that weren't necessarily taboo subjects, but rather than the one's I had never explored before and was still a little reluctant to.
However, this feeling, this reluctance, it was all to change a lot faster than I had ever imagined. Perhaps it was always there, lying dormant inside me, waiting for the right key to unlock the part of the brain that said, 'it's okay'.
Soon, I had begun to read those stories I was afraid to. I began with the stories of concentual rape, bestiality, even incest and finally Bondage and Discipline - I actually found the last subject boring to be honest. I didn't necessarily like all the subjects, but they did awaken something deep in my core, something almost primal. A light switched on and soon, not only was I reading the stories, I had also begun to participate in group discussions, contribute emails, and then finally, began to write a little myself . I sat up till the early hours of the morning either reading, writing or talking online to other members of the group, the subject always sex. I was exhausted and I hadn't actually been physical with anyone in months! It wouldn't by any means be an understatement to say I was horny all the time. If I wasn't discussing sex online, I was reading about it, or thinking about it.
I would be standing in line waiting for my sandwich to made at the corner deli and I would be daydreaming about the ménage a trios I had read about that morning, or I would be one of the participants of the orgy being held on the floor of the old 16th century castle, me the big lusty whore having every hole filled, every inch of her body roughly pinched and groped, me being pounded by dirty ugly men and licked by several scrawny women, me, whose name was being called for the third time, "Madam? Miss? EXCUSE ME???? Your lunch is ready!" How embarrassing.
So it was, that after several months of quite intense involvement with the group, that I found myself one morning in a particularly heightened state of arousal. It must have been the right time in my cycle, or perhaps the fact that I hadn't actually engaged in any actual acts of physical love-making or a combination of the two, but whatever the reason, this particular day, I was as horny as hell and couldn't keep my hands out of my pants. I had woken up; had a quick wank followed by a shower. As I sat at the computer for my morning session, I was too horny to concentrate so I had cyber sex with a young Indian guy who's command of English sucked, but it didn't matter, all he wanted to do was tie me to his bed and do nasty things, actually he wanted me to do nasty things to myself - so I complied.
Luckily it was the weekend, so not too long after my Indian romp, I made myself some breakfast and plopped in front of the TV. It was a gorgeous day outside and I felt guilty about being so lazy. Toast and tea finished, I decided to dress and go for a walk. I put on my bra, and fondled my own breasts in the process. I put on my t-shirt and squeezed my nipples thru the material; as I pulled my skirt up, I decided to not wear any knickers. Right, ready to go, but first, I had better have a masturbate just one more time. This was getting almost comedic. Well, it would have been if I hadn't have actually had to apply nearly the whole tube of lube to help me out because I was so sore from already giving myself a good seeing too!
I had already masturbated in bed before I got up that morning, and then again in the shower before breakfast. I always liked the shower, even thou I felt guilty wasting all that water. I had my own bathroom and the shower head was handheld, so as I sat on the tiles, legs spread apart, I turned the water down so it drizzled heavily from the head and aimed it onto my clitoris. It took a bit to get the water down to just the right pressure, but once accessed, it was go go go...
Just before walking out the door, I grabbed the book that was this weeks 'suggested reading' for the online writers group. Someone had, quite aptly, bought up in our Wednesday night discussion session the week before, how they had found it uncomfortable reading a story recently posted about male to male sex. The person was female, and despite being part of an erotic writing group, she had never read any gay male sex stories before. I asked her how she felt about the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras held in Sydney, Australia each year, and she simply answered that as she lived in a small coastal village in Western Australia, it rarely got a mention on the news in her part of the world and so wasn't really anything special. She wasn't homophobic, she told us, and although not having any gay friends, she said, that in her opinion, we were all human beings, not labels, such as gay, straight, bi etc, so she didn't have a problem. So, due to her innocent and somewhat sheltered and perhaps unexposed life when it came to gay sex, she had quite simply never been exposed to it and therefore felt a little uncomfortable with it. It made sense.
