Despite this new found kink in our relationship I rarely instigated sex as I wasn't happy with my weight gain at all. So I decided to do something about it. I had to accept the fact that I had a weight problem and started reading diet and exercise books to find out what would work best for me. β¨I started to watch what I ate which previously had been foreign to me and I began to exercise regularly. Within 5 months I was back to fitting into my old clothes. Just in time for the next summer.
I will admit that I liked how I looked and wanted to show myself off. My interest in sexy bras and panties was renewed as well as teeny, tiny string bikini swimsuits.
What I hadn't anticipated was how my progression back to a bikini body would result in revisiting a past experience that I had had with my husband, then boyfriend, when we started dating. He had talked me quite successfully to sunbathe publicly wearing just a t-shirt and a bikini panty. The very contradictory feelings that invaded my body on that day were about to be revisited this many years later.
We were currently renting a two story townhouse that was connected in a row with 7 others. We all had a small patio in the back with a high fence that offered privacy. However all of our bedrooms were upstairs and the back bedroom looked out over each other's patio. So our belief in privacy was a bit of an illusion as our neighbor's on either side could see us anytime they were in their back bedroom and we were outside in our patio.
As I lost weight it seemed to rekindle my husband's desire to put me in risquΓ© situations. Something that he hadn't done since we were dating.
Did I miss his creativity when it came to my exposure? Absolutely!! Was I willing to talk to him about it or even to admit to him that I missed it? Absolutely not!!
I still had an ingrained concept that proper women did not desire to be undressed or coerced to undress in public places nor in seemingly private settings. Any female that did must have something wrong with them, or so I thought. Of course the problem was that I was one of those females.
From what I can ascertain about myself, I am addicted to the contradictory emotions that are brought on whenever I am persuaded to expose myself. The feelings of extreme nervousness, a willingness to submit to another, the sense of daring, sexiness, vulnerability, recklessness, embarrassment, etc., all combined to cause my skin to vibrate with a most pleasurable energy. This along with the look in my husband's eyes when I did as he directed made me feel like the sexiest and most desirable woman on earth.
Sure a part of me wanted to refuse responding to his suggestions with an assertive "No." After all wasn't I a grown woman, and shouldn't I resent being put on display for someone else's pleasure? But the sensations coursing through me easily stifled any thought that I might harbor to protest.
He had found my suppressed desire and/or impulse to be stripped or told to strip in a public setting back when we were dating. And because he enjoyed putting me in these risquΓ© albeit exciting situations I was pretty much and still am at his mercy. Lucky me, I guess?
It had been quite a while since I had to deal with these conflicts, but again now in my middle 20's I was going to be faced with the decision of "Do I?" or "Don't I?"