. 03

Despite this new found kink in our relationship I rarely instigated sex as I wasn't happy with my weight gain at all. So I decided to do something about it. I had to accept the fact that I had a weight problem and started reading diet and exercise books to find out what would work best for me. 
I started to watch what I ate which previously had been foreign to me and I began to exercise regularly. Within 5 months I was back to fitting into my old clothes. Just in time for the next summer.

I will admit that I liked how I looked and wanted to show myself off. My interest in sexy bras and panties was renewed as well as teeny, tiny string bikini swimsuits.

What I hadn't anticipated was how my progression back to a bikini body would result in revisiting a past experience that I had had with my husband, then boyfriend, when we started dating. He had talked me quite successfully to sunbathe publicly wearing just a t-shirt and a bikini panty. The very contradictory feelings that invaded my body on that day were about to be revisited this many years later.

We were currently renting a two story townhouse that was connected in a row with 7 others. We all had a small patio in the back with a high fence that offered privacy. However all of our bedrooms were upstairs and the back bedroom looked out over each other's patio. So our belief in privacy was a bit of an illusion as our neighbor's on either side could see us anytime they were in their back bedroom and we were outside in our patio.

As I lost weight it seemed to rekindle my husband's desire to put me in risqué situations. Something that he hadn't done since we were dating.

Did I miss his creativity when it came to my exposure? Absolutely!! Was I willing to talk to him about it or even to admit to him that I missed it? Absolutely not!!

I still had an ingrained concept that proper women did not desire to be undressed or coerced to undress in public places nor in seemingly private settings. Any female that did must have something wrong with them, or so I thought. Of course the problem was that I was one of those females.

From what I can ascertain about myself, I am addicted to the contradictory emotions that are brought on whenever I am persuaded to expose myself. The feelings of extreme nervousness, a willingness to submit to another, the sense of daring, sexiness, vulnerability, recklessness, embarrassment, etc., all combined to cause my skin to vibrate with a most pleasurable energy. This along with the look in my husband's eyes when I did as he directed made me feel like the sexiest and most desirable woman on earth.

Sure a part of me wanted to refuse responding to his suggestions with an assertive "No." After all wasn't I a grown woman, and shouldn't I resent being put on display for someone else's pleasure? But the sensations coursing through me easily stifled any thought that I might harbor to protest.

He had found my suppressed desire and/or impulse to be stripped or told to strip in a public setting back when we were dating. And because he enjoyed putting me in these risqué albeit exciting situations I was pretty much and still am at his mercy. Lucky me, I guess?

It had been quite a while since I had to deal with these conflicts, but again now in my middle 20's I was going to be faced with the decision of "Do I?" or "Don't I?"

We had formed a habit on weekends of setting out towels on our back patio and lying in the sun. We both wore swimming suits. Since we were no longer living near our parents along with my new found confidence I found myself purchasing more revealing styles. I had always worn a two piece, but now my two pieces were very similar to my bras and panties. The bikini tops were underwire styles with cups that pushed my flesh up and out, while the bikini bottoms were much briefer than any of my previous two pieces often leaving elastic marks up the middle of my cheeks when I took them off not to mention my tan lines. I remember my husband making some sort of comment stating that I might as well be wearing my underwear. This was not meant as a complaint, but more of a compliment as to my choice of swimsuit attire.

I would suspect that besides enjoying seeing me barely covered particularly outdoors, it represented a vulnerability and susceptibility on my part to acquiesce to his desires.

One day as we were changing to lay out, I was undressed to my underwear about to don my bikini. My husband stopped me from going any further and cavalierly suggested that I should wear what I had on. I truly was taken aback by this and replied that our neighbors might see me. Granted I used to love modeling my latest underwear purchases for him, and I did sunbathe once in my underwear, but we were dating then. Haven't we all done things a bit over the top to gain the attention of a member of the opposite sex. Although I had no desire to tan in my bra and panties, that delectable vibration that I used to experience when I did perform for him was arriving unannounced. My mind and body are never in sync whenever he suggests an exhibition from me.

Of course, he replied that even if they did, it would look like my regular swimming suit style. Isn't this exactly the same argument that he used on me when we were dating 5 years earlier? It worked then, so why wouldn't it work now?

I had perfectly good swimming suits to wear outdoors that I was quite comfortable in, so why would I go outside in my bra and panties? In theory my husband's reasoning was valid, however I did not wear t-shirt bras, which easily could double as bikini tops. I preferred and still do prefer sexy bras with half cups in bright colors usually with contrasting lace trim where my nipples generally reside not wanting to be totally covered. They were definitely suited to have an arousing effect on the male viewer and not particularly suited for public display unless someone had a tendency towards submissive and exhibitionist behavior. This certainly doesn't describe me. Right?.........Right? And my style of panties were primarily bikini styles in either a very thin nylon fabric, a satin, or a silk. Often they had sheer panels strategically placed to seduce or various sorts of appliqués or embroidery clearly identifying them as panties and most certainly not a swimming suit bottom.

On this particular day I was wearing a pale yellow demi-cup bra with white lace trim. The back strap and shoulder straps were very thin which did make it look like a bikini top except, as I had come to prefer, my nipples could be seen through the lace trim that bordered the top of the cups. The panties were in a matching yellow with the same white lace trim sewn vertically along the front of each hip. In the bright light of the sun they would become almost transparent particularly since I have very thick dark brown hair. I do trim but it is too painful to take everything off down below; the challenges of having an Irish heritage.

His suggestion, if I can call it that, sounded quite sexy when standing in our bedroom, however now I was standing just inside the sliding glass door to our patio. The glare of the sunlight had me in its high beams and it brought a very different realization into focus. From what I could see just by looking down, both of my nipples and areoles as well as my pubis were clearly visible through the thin nylon material of my bra and panties. I definitely was having second and third thoughts about this latest adventure.

My husband was enjoying my reluctance looking at me with a sly grin and a telltale erection poking forward against the fabric of his swim trunks. Opening the sliding glass door he placed his hand on my lower back and too easily directed me outside. I instinctively wrapped the large towel around my waist covering my yellow panties while at the same time looking at every upstairs window that had a view of our patio. I didn't see anyone looking out, however all they had to do was to stand a few feet away from the glass and I wouldn't be able to see them anyway.

"Come on. Lay down," my husband said still sporting both the smile and the erection.

I quickly unwrapped myself placing the towel on the concrete and laid down on my stomach. Despite any suggestion to the contrary, I felt like I was lying outdoors in plain sight of our neighbors wearing a bra and panty, which in fact was exactly what I was doing. Any pretense of wearing something that could pass as a swimming suit was ridiculous.

My heart was beating fast and I was having a difficult time catching my breath. Every nerve ending was on high alert as I was sure that I was being spied on by one or more of our neighbors.

I was about to call the latest venture off when I looked over at my husband and saw that look that I love. The look of complete pleasure that tells me I am the sexiest woman on earth.

For the remainder of that summer this became part of our weekend routine although I did find my chance to have a reciprocal arrangement. Not quite a "I'll scratch your back and you can scratch mine," but close.

One weekend we took a quick trip to Toronto and while we were walking through a quaint boutique area of shops I noticed a store dedicated to what I will describe as male exhibitionism on display. It carried a large array of bikini swimsuits that revealed more than your typical speedo. I guess the european cut made the difference. By plying my own suggestive and seductive wiles I persuaded him to try several on and begged him to purchase two pair.

I now had my own 'boy toy' to look at when we were outside in the back. I enjoyed noticing how his measuring stick would grow in reaction to my exposure. More often than not it would barely be contained by the fabric of his very sexy banana hammock. It certainly resulted in some very heavy breathing exercises once we got back indoors.

What I hadn't suspected was what his exposure might suggest for my future.

As summer was coming to a close and we were hoping to get just a few more afternoons in the sun, as usual I was at the sliding back door in my bra and panty with my towel. My husband reached over undoing my bra strap and with very little effort on his part I found myself topless while being led outside the door. His latest variation of my outdoor exposure took me so off guard that I didn't even attempt to cover myself with my towel. There I stood in the bright sunlight with nothing else on other than a mint green bikini panty with series of eyelets across the bottom showing off tiny circles of white flesh where the sun hadn't shown. As is always the case for me, my tiny nipples were sticking straight out. If they had been any bigger I might have been able to hang my towel from them. I glanced over at my husband with a look of dismay only to find a totally different reaction on his face from the one that I had. He was enjoying my latest foray into outdoor exhibitionism immensely. In fact I could say that he was ecstatic over my additional exposure.

The sun felt fabulous on my bare breasts lighting up my pure white skin with a sexy sort of iridescence. I still hadn't come to a full realization that I was topless outdoors. Or, just possibly, I liked how it felt to be wearing just panties. I definitely liked how my husband was looking at me. It made me tingle all over.

Eventually reality came back to roost and the familiar fear that someone might be watching found me quickly lying down on my stomach to limit my exposure. However the tingling didn't go away for the entire time we were outside.

I didn't want to admit it, but the outside air caressing my bare nipples was quite exhilarating along with the sense of being forced to show off even more of myself to my willing voyeur. After this one time our warm weather ended abruptly as it has a tendency to do in the northern Midwest and I wasn't required to repeat this latest exhibition for close to another 10 years.

Our rekindling of one of our dating rituals ended abruptly as 6 months later my husband took a job that moved us closer to our families and shortly thereafter we began a family. My voyage into motherhood seemed to end any possibility of future outdoor adventures.

Or so I thought.