"Obviously it's spring, and clearly everyone has been waiting for it. Lord knows I have. Spending five months trapped in cable knit sweaters and down parkas is enough to drive anyone insane. Have you ever tried to pick someone up wearing rubber boots? Rubber boots! You'd have a better shot getting laid at a seminary."
The college senior looked expectantly at her guest. The guest, an eighteen year old refugee from a campus tour, backed away slowly.
"Wait. Sorry. Oversharing. I overshare. It is my best and worst trait. What I am saying is that I am so excited to be your guide and mentor this weekend." The blond girl tilted her head, as if rewinding. "Well, that was not what I was saying, but it was definitely what I meant to say." She smiled. "And it is said. Come on!"
And with that the perky blond grabbed the elbow of the prospect and pulled her forward, heedless of the prospect's heels dragging on the ground.
"We are going to have such an awesome time. Kilton is such an amazing school. They call it the gem of Minnesota, which is funny because obviously we have no gemstone industry. I mean, there are jewelry stores, but no mines. We did have a mime once, but he was super boring. And this is going to be your room. My room. Our room. For the weekend."
The blonde waved her hand, as if it could barely encompass the enormity of a ten by eight room.
"So...Huh. I was so excited to see you and grab you and get you up here that I completely forgot to ask you your name. Which is the worst obviously, because I did not tell you my name was Kate, which is obviously an old person name, though I am obviously not old. But I guess compared to you I am, which is neat. So?"
The prospect stared as if watching a monkey speak.
"So?" Kate asked.
"I'm sorry. I think I missed the question."
Kate blew an errant strand of hair from her face. "What is your name, silly?"
"It's not Silly. It's Susie. I think there might be some confusion. I am looking to transfer here and--"
"And you wanted to take a tour and experience the campus. I completely understand. Kilton is so amazing and progressive, and surprisingly affordable, especially if you're rich." Katie looked down at Susie's shoes and narrowed her eyes for a second. "Or, you know, even if you aren't. I'm not. My dad is though. Super rich. He is an alumnus. There's a building somewhere around here with his name on it, but I've never been in it." She winked conspiratorially. "It's an STD lab. Kind of an inside joke between him and the dean. This side of the bed will be yours, and this side mine. Or one of us can take the top and one can take the bottom. I used to be a gymnast, so I can make it work. And there is barely any of you, so obviously not a problem on that end."
"I brought a sleeping bag." Susie said, lifting it up as if to affirm such a thing exists.
Kate blinked, then charged ahead.
"Of course you did. You're pretty country. What are you, 4H? Dairy farmer? One stop light?"
"Yes, pig farm, three stoplights. Also a Dairy queen and a pizza place."
"That's so country! I'd call you country, but if you spend enough time here you get to meet a dozen girls and boys with that nickname. It is super confusing. So I am going to call you..."
"Susie. Please. That is my name and I am pretty partial to it."
"Susie! That is what I'll call you."
"Pardon me Kate," Susie paused, then rushed ahead as she watched Kate inhale. "I'mStarvingAndWouldLoveToGetBreakfastBeforeTheHallCloses!"
"No problem. Why didn't you say so. Just leave your stuff here and then we can roll out."
Susie dropped her things, and then start walking as Katie's wave of words washed over her. She felt a little bad about not paying attention, but she was almost certain that Katie made up in volume what she lacked in depth.
Kilton had been her first choice out of high school, but despite amazing grades and scores they had not wanted her. She didn't take it personally. Being the valedictorian of a seven person senior class is not going to impress an elite private school. After a year at State, with her success continuing on a larger stage, she was pretty sure she could get in now.
She listened to Kate, and was amazed. Most people give cues for when you should weigh into a conversation. They take a second to catch their breath. They make meaningful eye contact. They pause, a leave a space for you to fill. Kate did none of these things, and seemed to be completely ignorant of there being any sort of social contract that would require it. Susie wondered if it was because of the money or the looks, both of which Kate obviously had in spades.
And then came silence, which snapped Susie out of her revelry.
"What?" Susie asked.
"Your hair? Is it always that color of red, or do you dye it."
"No. This is the color of my hair."
"If it isn't you can tell me. I'm your roommate this weekend, and roommates have a way of finding these things out."
"Why would I bring hair dye to a school visit?" Susie asked.
Katie stared for a second, then giggled. "I like you, country. You crack me up. Anyway, about those waffles..."
"I think we're here." Susie said.
Kate looked around. "Oh, right. We definitely are. Let's grab a tray and then find somewhere to eat."
Susie followed Katie's lead, which was almost as random as her speech. They zig zagged across the cafeteria, ending up with waffles, cereal, milk, and fruit.
After Katie scanned in her card and Susie turned in her voucher Katie made a beeline for a table with a couple of girls already sitting at it.
"Susie, this is Marla and this is Ethel."
Both girls stared at Susie. After a moment the one identified as Ethel let out an exasperated "Well?"
"Well what?" Susie asked.
"Ethel. My name is Ethel. You're supposed to comment. Everyone comments."
Susie shrugged. "It's a nice name. I have a cousin and an aunt Ethel."
Ethel blinked. It was a slow blink, the sort when you make when you think you may have something in your eye stopping you from seeing what is there in front of you.
"Right. Of course you do. I just got Ethel because I'm Chinese, and we take our assimilation seriously." Ethel paused, appraisingly. "My brother's name is Hubert. Hubert Wang."
"Hubert is my second cousin on my dad's side. Raises dairy cattle." said Susie. Then she took a bite of her waffle.She felt like she had taken a test, and was not quite sure if she has passed or not.
"You are so country!" Katie squealed. "She's my mentee for the day. And the night. And the next day."
"You are going to love the Katie experience." Said Marla, the words filled with a level of sarcasm appropriate to her black eyeliner, black dress, and jet black hair.
"Oh you." Said Katie, waving a hand in Marla's general direction. "Marla was my mentee last year. Except she was called Hope then." Katie blinked. It was like watching a computer reboot.
"Though I am not quite clear, are you Hope or are you actually Marla?" asked Katie.
"My mom calls me Hope. Everyone else has given up. My dad likes to say she is trying to keep Hope alive." said Marla.
"Oh. And he thinks that is funny?" asked Katie.
"No. He thinks it is hilarious." said Ethel. "When we were at her place for spring break he said it no less than 10 times."
"So, Susie, why Kilton?" asked Marla.
"Because I want to be a doctor, and Kilton is the best pre med school in the state." said Susie.
"And?" Marla asked.
Susie frowned. "That's the whole reason. I don't have another one."
"Well, our anatomy classes are first rate!" Katie bubbled.
"Right. Pretty much all of your biology track is excellent." said Susie. "And your faculty is amazing."
"Have you started calling her country yet?" asked Ethel.
"I am on top of it." said Katie. "Are you two hitting the quad today?"
