To the reader: you may find that this story has a vaguely similar plot idea to my story "Wild Blue Yonder". While I will admit that there is that vague connection, let me assure you - this is NOT "Wild Blue Yonder". I think if you read it, you'll discover that this is a totally different story. It's certainly a different writing style. Enjoy!
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Greetings, readers. Welcome to a tale of exaggerated proportions, ridiculous occurrences, and felonious fiction. Yes indeed, while this story does in fact have a basis in reality, it's changed so much in my mind over the years that it probably only bears a passing resemblance to the original event.
One thing that is true β my name is Wainwright. Yeah, Wainwright. At least, that's what I go by. You know why?
Because of my first name β George.
And my last name β Bush.
Yeah, that's right. When I was born in December of 1988, my kind, dear parents β Marcus and Linda Bush, dedicated Republicans both, decided to name me after the just-recently-elected President-Elect George Bush. They also thought it would be nice to name me after my mom's departed father, Wainwright Tennant.
Thus, I'm George W. Bush.
Well, fuck that. I decided to go by Wainwright. In fact, starting my freshman year of high school, I insisted on being called Wainwright (and finally, Wayne for short, thank God). There was no way in hell I was going to be called George W. Bush.
Moving on. When I went off to college, I decided on Columbia University β yes indeed, the illustrious college that hosted President Mahmoud Ahmadinutjob of Iran in September 2007. Wheee.
My friend Emily also ended up going to Columbia. Emily and I had known each other since we were three. We got caught playing "doctor" in my parents' garage when we were six. Boy did I get an ass whupping for that.
We'd been friends our whole lives. It had never gotten to be anything more than that β that just would've been awkward. So, while remaining friends, we had gone our separate ways relationship-wise β I had all of one girlfriend in high school, and she had a few boyfriends. It was rumored that she was pretty good in the sack, but I just couldn't even bring myself to fantasize about that β too weird. I had expressed concern about it once, but she assured me that she was on the pill.
Anyway, so all through our first year at Columbia, Emily had been trying to land a local modeling gig. On first glance, you'd probably say she has the body for it, too β but she was rejected time after time. Most of the people who rejected her said that her boobs were too big.
Finally, in early April 2008, she came and practically beat down my door to tell me the news.
"I got a modeling job!" she squealed, rushing me. "There had to have been at least forty other girls there, most of them had more of the 'model' body that everybody else wanted, but I got the job! They made me take a blood test afterwards, which I thought was weird, but who cares! I got the job!"
"That's fantastic!" I said. "What are you gonna be doing?"
"Outdoor shoot for an off-roading magazine," she said. "Since it's been so warm this spring, they wanted to get an early start on seasonal shooting. And you're going to get to see it all."
Warning bells started ringing in my head. "What?"
She got quiet and blushed a little. "Well... they said that part of the shoot would be nude..."
Well, that explained why she got the job instead of the waifs β big boobs get you a long way with nude shoots.
"...and I trust you, and it'd just make me feel better if you were there."
Oh boy. This was going to be awkward. The last time I had seen her nude was when we were six. In high school, she had always seemed, well, almost asexual to me. I wasn't sure if I was going to be comfortable seeing any part of her nude.
She seemed to sense my discomfort. "Is that alright?" she asked, concern in her voice. "Will you come to the shoot?"
Doubt filled my head. I shouldn't do this, I thought. Hell, she shouldn't do this.
But I shook the doubts away. "Yeah, I'll be there."
And so it was that early on a Saturday morning, we drove my land yacht 1964 Ford Galaxie out into the country and ended up in a secluded part of a regional park. I was amazed β I never knew you could find a spot quite this secluded in New York State.
There were a few ATVs parked on site β props for the shoot. There were also two large tents set up β makeup, dressing room, etc. A number of people were milling about, setting up cameras and lights, doing lighting tests, everything that ordinarily accompanies a photo shoot. I for one parked myself under a tree with a John Grisham book, and there I stayed for nearly an hour before I heard Emily call my name.
"Wayne!"
I looked up, and there was Emily β clad in a skimpy-ass red bikini top, and cut-off shorts so short that her ass was hanging out of them, unbuttoned and unzipped, exposing matching red bikini bottoms. My mouth dropped open β I had never seen her quite like this, and I was impressed with what I saw. Apparently, so were other parts of my anatomy, which I tried to conceal as I stood.