I have a shitty job. It's a job I haven't had any training for, doesn't pay that well, and takes up way too much of my time and patience. I'm sure you've come across a role at one time or another that made you think something similar. The kind of job where you sit there from time to time scratching your head and wondering how the fuck you got there. What was the point of having to do this every day? Did it ever even have one?!
Anyway, my job consists of sitting in a van while somebody drives me around, then I get out and trade our customers shipped products for signatures. That's it. That's all. I don't have to be in contact with anyone, I don't have to work with any moving parts of any kind, I don't even have to talk most shifts, I just sit there until it's time to go into a customer's business, count everything up, and fuck right off again. It's tedious, it accomplishes so little I don't care to think about it, and it's impacting my physical health in a terrible way.
I got this job very suddenly, I had been working in the role that our customers occupy. Running a store, getting the most out of my employees, juggling all the variables, everything that goes into making an operation successful. This gives me rare insight into how our customers do their jobs and how I might be able to help, but it also leaves me a little restless because I'm always thinking about how I would do what they do completely differently. The best perk of knowing how to perform the role our customers do every single day is that it leads to fun shoptalk and helps to bring down people's defenses when they know you get where they're coming from.
This job came to me seemingly out of the blue. I just took my buddy's advice and submitted a resume. I didn't even know if they were hiring. I came in for the interview and had the job before I was done covering my resume. They wanted me to start the very next day and I already knew how to do everything, so I was just on the schedule and ready to rock right from day one. My very first shift would see me riding two hours into the most remote part of the state before making my way to seven different stops and then home. At our second stop was when I learned how useful my experience was going to be.
My wife and I have been having all kinds of serious talks lately about how we want to limit anyone else from worming their way into our stable of friends to play with. She insists that having six different hookups all over the region was more than enough and we didn't have to worry ourselves anymore about branching out. We were maxed.
At least, we were until my second stop.
My driver and I pulled the work van into the cargo loading area at the second stop and were greeted by two women and a man, all intent on playing some role in getting this product weighed, counted, and processed for sale. I made some light chit-chat with the gentleman who came to help because he engaged me first. I found out his name was Pedro, his older compatriot was Meg, and the younger was Elisa.
We made our respective ways indoors with boxes upon boxes of salable product, ready for processing. I was to always be present with the product until it was counted and weighed so I waited patiently while all three of them took turns inspecting the paperwork and making themselves ready for the intake process. Meg was the first to enter the room and stay.
"Oh my god, today is so CRAZY! I can't believe they have you here to us this early. I don't know who is going to be able to get through all this before the weekend. I guess we'll just do what we have to do, right?!" She laughed a little frantically and gave away that she was clearly the boss in the building.
"Well, you know how it is. They never let you know when we're going to be here so you just have to be ready all goddamned day."
She laughed a little at my snarky comment and continued telling me all about her various obligations needing tending before we got too much further into the working day. Meg also told me that once Elisa got there, she could go and Elisa would take up the slack. Meg appeared pretty relieved when she told me about the workflow I would be witnessing, so her shoulders began to come down a little bit and her pace was a little less harried.
When she started to settle into a rhythm of counting and weighing and verifying, I took notice of her appearance for the first time. Meg was cute not beautiful, short not tiny, skinny not sickly, and pale as could be. It looked like she didn't get out of her little encased existence inside the store very often. Meg was a brunette and wore a baggy sweatshirt (not a hoodie), jeans, and sneakers that, when all married together made her look like a bedraggled new mom just trying to keep all the balls in the air.
She began a stream of consciousness ramble that I've learned punctuates literally every conversation she has with someone who doesn't make her want to eat her own thumbs. She started telling me about her personal life a little bit. Sure enough, she was a new mom and recently married. I chalked this up in my mind and continued along, cheerily chattering while she labored away. She told me all about how her sleep schedule is shot, her husband is barely a comfort at home, her job was upping the pressure on them to begin buckling down for their busy season, and her employees had chosen this moment to lodge their biggest complaints about safety and retention. She told me all this to illustrate the notion that she was in dire straits.
"You know, I like your vibe. If you ever need a job, look us up."
I was flattered, but also gainfully employed and absolutely uninterested in working with someone so hell-bent on making their own life so much harder than it had to be. Her energy was playful and light, with the urgency of her situation only becoming an issue the more she wound herself up. As she worked, more and more tales of how difficult the homefront had become spilled out. I returned her service with tales of my own struggles when my children were still little. Sympathy flowing free and fast, she softened even further and her tone was hushed while she regaled me with tales of her husband being more friendly with her sister than he was with Meg once the baby came along.
We were officially bordering on deeply uncomfortable territory, so I made some noncommittal mouth noises while she continued her self-imposed descent, but I didn't put myself in the middle of anything. She droned on for a while as she worked, until she broke the monotone and asked me a pretty pointed question.
"Did you ever have doubts after your kiddos came along?" She was being entirely too earnest for a total stranger, but I like making people feel safe when they show some vulnerability.
"I've had little else other than doubts for my entire relationship, and we've been together for 23 years now. The doubts never go away, but that means you're doing it right. If you didn't care, you wouldn't worry."
Meg began to tear up a little and excused herself just as soon as her underling Elisa came through the door with Pedro in tow. Elisa broke our brief silence and asked if everything was okay. Meg assured her very curtly that it was and told Elisa she had to excuse herself for a minute. She pointed out to Elisa where on the manifest she had left off and where she wanted certain items to end up before leaving in sobering silence.
A vacuum has clearly been created in the room and it seemed like Pedro noticed it first. He shifted his weight from foot to foot while Elisa looked for the next box on the manifest, then abandoned the entire exchange when she didn't find it before the awkwardness consumed his daily allotment of cringe. Elisa followed his departure with his eyes and turned to me to make light of his bravery.
"Wow. Just gone at the first sign of trouble. You know, he's the only man we have in the store right now. What if someone comes to try and rob us? What would we even do?"
Elisa was giving me a strange look and even stranger energy while she waited for my response. She was weighing me up and looking to gauge my reaction. If I had known that right then, I probably would've tried to stick to some professional language to defuse the obvious tension in the room. But, being who I am, I turned it into flirting instead. I admit to being pretty incorrigible.
"You just stay here with me and you'll have nothing to worry about."
I got to see Elisa's smile for the first time after that. It blossomed on her face like the dawn coming in the morning. It started a little bashful, then it got bigger and bigger until she was beaming her approval at me. I couldn't miss the desire in her eyes either. She was throwing out some fairly serious signals and I was picking them up and savoring her words. Her appreciation turned to playfulness just as quickly as it had come.
"I just knew you were going to say something like that. You men all think like that don't you?"
"I don't know about anybody else, but I tend to think of myself as being 'in charge' no matter where I go," we hadn't even been introduced yet at this point so I slowed things down and started at the beginning. Extending a hand I began again "I'm Terrence. Not Terry. Terrence."
