{We have this Dog, I never bothered to mention him before because in all of the time we have had him, all he does is eat and sleep. We do let him out to take a dump, he actually does go out, and he is back in 3 minutes.
That is it, that really is it. 14 years old, he is close to part of the carpet.
But, as we found out, some folks think he can cause trouble. }
***
My wife Debra is a Doctor, she manages the local clinic. Which leaves me home daily, to my own devices. Sometimes I go fishing, or head to a local café I like to swap lies with whoever is there. Sometimes, I sit on my ass and watch TV.
Sitting around, I usually wear just my robe, I like being comfortable.
So, I was sitting in my chair at around 11 in the morning, someone pounded on our door. That is pretty rare, not very many people come by our house during a weekday. Those that do, knock.
They don't pound.
Whoever was out there was pounding.
+++
Since our Dog is what seemed to have caused all of what happened here, I will tell you about him.
We call him Sam, how is that for a unique name? The breed is "I don't know.", a combination of.. well... I don't know, and some other stuff. He is about 30-35 pounds, long legged and rangy, furry, and almost white. The kind of white that looks dirty no matter what, washing him changes nothing.
Of course, the word "bath" starts a struggle, if I even whisper that to my wife Debra and he hears that, the Dog is gone like a shot out of a cannon and the fun begins. I used to try and get him into the shower, it can't be done. He will stretch out his feet, grab the door jamb on both sides, there is no way in hell to get him through that door.
But, if I say "walk" he will let me put on a lease, while eyeing me with suspicion. This because maybe only once every two months it's bath time, outside, which he knows very well could happen, but he also loves the walks.
I have to act like we are going for the usual sniffing of everything walk down the street and back, then out comes the surprise soap bottle.
More fun. I get him washed that way, me too of course.
Other than that, he eats, and he sleeps at the foot of our bed, looking exactly like the pile of laundry we keep there if any of my underwear is on top. His eyes move, nothing else, really. Well, unless I say "bath."
You get the picture, I guess.
Anyway, pounding on our door.
++
"My shit! Sue!" Were what I thought I heard the moment I opened the door.
There stood this women, maybe 25 or so. It was warm, she had on cut off jeans and a halter top that to be frank she needed to be wearing a bra with. It was thin, so thin I could see the dark circles of her nipples. Since the Sun was fairly high but behind her, that made the effect worse.
Or better, depending on one's point of view.
"What?" I admit I was floored, it sounded like she said something about her shit?
"My dog! My baby! Damn you, can't you keep your own dog under control?" She was being a little bit loud.
"Lady, what in the hell are you talking about? Calm down!" I told her. I had no clue, I know everyone in our town and I mean everyone, but this young woman was a complete stranger.
Just then she looked down, a shocked expression on her face. It hit me that I was still in my robe, and I don't normally wear anything else around the house. I guess I came close to flashing the gal (or maybe I did, not sure) which wasn't my intent, even though from the looks of her, she was flashing me. That top she had on was not covering very much.
That was when I realized the fuzzy ball she had in her hands was not a softball, it was a puppy..
A dirty white long haired... puppy.
"What's that?" I asked, stupidly. Hell, I know a puppy when I see one.
"This is what your damned Dog did to me. You don't keep him home, I breed my baby to registered Shih Tzu males, that's how I make money and look at what you have done!" She thrust the ugly little ball of fur into my hands.
It began to lick my fingers. Cute little thing, it would dang near fit in my big Coffee cup.
+++
OK, after some more discussions, I got her calmed down to the point where she was making better sense. And, she made it clear that she thought our Dog had sneaked over and bred her Dog and now she had 3 unwanted puppies and it was all my fault.
I was thinking it was unlikely, since Sam was outside perhaps 3-4 minutes twice a day, how in the hell could he have time to accomplish anything? Hell, he shits on our lawn, I have to go clean it up.
Besides, the only other thing Sam ever does is hold down the carpet, which is exactly what he was doing when I allowed her to come in. Plus Sam was 30-40 Pounds? And she had a Shih Tzu?
Itty bitty little things.
Now if Sam had eaten the thing, that I might believe, but fuck it?
I looked at Sam, his eyes swung up, looked at me, then at the woman and the puppy, and I swear, the little turd grinned.
"Look at that horrible thing! It looks exactly like this puppy! You have ruined my life!" She was beginning to go off again.
I wanted to tell her that Sam maybe bred her Dog, not her, so he probably didn't ruin her life.
I stayed polite, handed her puppy back.
"Lady. Calm down, OK? Come on in, sit down, let's figure this out." She did, sat down in the other easy chair, seemed to take a breath. Now she was trying to cover her boobs with one arm while holding the squirming puppy. Then she leaned forward and set the puppy on the floor. It instantly went over to Sam, who began to lick it. Then it went to the middle of our living room and peed on the carpet.
It was a male but it squatted. A wisecrack about it being transgender popped right into my old head, but I managed to stay polite.
I got that cleaned up, found a box the thing couldn't get out of, then sat back down to talk with the woman.
+++
It seems she was trying to breed her Shih Tzu female to someone's male, had them in her back yard. Her phone rang, she came back out just in time to see the rear end of a dirty looking white Dog jump over her fence.
So, when in due time out came three puppies, all clearly not exactly full breed Shih Tzu, she asked around. Right down the street a few doors was our Sam.
Still, Sam is an old Dog, he never moves, ever, except to go eat and out to take a dump.
I started to tell her I doubted old Sam could even still get it up but thought better of that.
I stayed polite.
It was beginning to look like maybe Sam had more going on than I thought.
"OK, so even if you are right, and Sam here is the father, what are we supposed to do about it? I mean, it's just an accident, and you are the one that left your Dog unattended."
"Me? Mine was in my yard, fenced! Your animal is the one running loose all over the neighborhood!" She apparently forgot about using her arms to cover her tits, waved them angrily.
Her arms, not her tits.
She really did have a nice set.
I pretended not to notice.
But, she did kind of have me there. I glanced over at Sam, he was still lying there, his eyes closed. In the exact same position he is always in. Yet there was no denying that puppy, and this woman had two more just like it at home.
It looked to be his spitting image.
"Can't you just sell these, try again?" I asked, hopefully.
"No! I can't. They are worthless, I would need to take them to the pound, and they will just KILL them!" With that came the flood of tears.
God, I hate that.
I got up to go over and comfort her, she looked down, then up at me. I was standing in front of her, thinking of patting her shoulder. Too late I realized I had let go of my robe.
She got a look of shock on her face.
"God, mister! What is it with you males? Can't you control yourselves?" I realized I just flashed her when I got up, I quickly reached down and yanked my robe closed.
"Sorry." I stammered, going back to my chair.
Her attitude was beginning to piss me off, tears be damned.
"That was rude!" She glared, the tears instantly gone.
"Look, lady! I am in my house, OK? Minding my own business. You are the one that came over here, dressed like that!" I waved my hand, it was almost like she just realized from the sudden look on her face..
Apparently she found out which house had the big white Dog, and upset, she had grabbed a puppy and headed over without thinking.
The look on her face was priceless, I started laughing. Now she was sitting there trying to hide her rather obvious boobs with one arm, I was sitting there holding my robe closed with one hand.
"Oh my God!" She exclaimed, her face flaming.
"So, how much would three puppies be worth?" I was thinking what the hell, pay her for the damn things, put a rubber band on Sam to stop that shit, problem solved.
I just said that to change the subject from my having just shown her my dick.
She told me.
I almost fell out of my chair.
"That much?"
"Yes. Now you can see why I am so upset."
It was all still unsettled when she left a short while later.
+++
Debs got home from work, I told her the situation.
"Is that the woman that moved into the rental house that Jeff and Carrie Parker own?" She asked.
"Beats me." I hadn't asked, in fact, I didn't even get her name.
