Ellen! How wonderful to hear you! Oh, sweetie! Topless bar this evening? Sure! Love to! With your Dad? Great! Thanks for inviting me!
Why does this woman have any free nights? Where are the men? American Gold Eagles lying on the sidewalk and guys are walking past without glancing down. As a matter of fact, why haven't sex traffickers gotten her, yet? Crazy world.
So, we pick her up in Williamsburg. Dad can't believe what he's seeing when she walks toward the car. Long black gown. Can barely contain the boobs, going to split at any moment and they'll pop free.
I sort of thought we were going to one of the joints in the West 20's or maybe around Wall Street. But Dad is driving somewhere in Queens where they probably filmed "The French Connection." A doorman opens the car doors for us; some kid hops in and drives it away. Inside, we are led through crowded tables to the front center; we can sit and rest our feet on the stage. People are eying us as though we're jumping the line at a Broadway hit. Actually, probably looking at Naomi's ass; certainly not mine.
"Scotch," I pronounce as soon as we're seated.
"Sorry," says Dad. "No alcohol."
"What? What the fuck are you saying?"
"Topless and bottomless. Can't serve alcoholic beverages. Sorry. NYC regulations."
I glance at Naomi. Her smile is dazzling. SO happy! Bottomless joint, too? With Ellen's Dad? Divine!
Hot music playing. A kind of heavy woman in dungarees and a greenish sweater is waddling onto the stage. Sorry, catty remark. She has sort of stringy brown hair. Big grin on her face, which is red. Must be blushing, no booze. Could be the owner's wife coming to announce that they are serving little hotdogs on toothpicks as their special.
Nope. This babe, who is about 45, kind of cute face, is beginning to swing her hips, her elbows are crooked; she's twisting her torso in a sort of warm-up exercise for seniors. May I ask what the fuck...?
She takes hold of either side of her sweater and yanks it over her head. Tosses it away. Still sort of swinging her hips, but twisting her arms behind her back. Zip, the white bra comes off, tossed after the sweater.
Got to hand to her. Nice breasts. Very white, very big, pressing downward so their weight stretches and flattens her nipples. Pinkish orange and about three inches across, I would say, but getting crinkly with arousal, now. Again, with the torso twists; her boobs are swinging and banging, getting quite a workout. The audience is clapping and hooting.
Dad leans forward. "Amateur night. Any woman can go up there." He has a very big smile. Naomi looks as though she is attending the Academy Awards.
With one motion, the gal is shoving down her dungarees and panties over big hips. Her pussy is very plump and clean shaven. Lots of clapping, some foot stomping. She grabs her boobs, one in each hand, stoops down, and kind of rolls backward. Her legs are thrown up and apart. Open twat shot.
What the hell are men getting out of this? And what does she do next? I think I can see her clit beginning to take shape. She is sort of grinding her ass into the stage. Oops, she brings down her feet and thrusts her pubis into the air. Pushes it up there. Fuck, anyone?
Okay, time passes. Our Cokes arrive. Too loud to talk much. But Naomi is trying hard to ask about my summer. A few more sets of tits and asses come and go. I don't believe anymore that Dad never has been here. I have an idea what's on the agenda. So glad I invited Naomi along.
And here it comes. Dad leans toward Naomi. She leans in. She has the most sensational white teeth framed by lips very tastefully painted pink. She is blinking her gorgeous brown eyes.
"Would you ever do something like that?" he asks. He gestures vaguely at the stage. He adds, " Boy, that would be something to see!"