My beautiful wife Rachel wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hug while I stood at the sink doing the dishes. "Dinner was excellent sweetheart."
"Thank you dear. Do you think your mother liked it?"
"Oh come on Steve, you know how much she loves your lasagna."
"Yeah I know, that's why I made it."
I finished up with the dishes, turned around and gave Rachel a kiss. "Can I get you another glass of wine honey?"
"No thanks, I'm still working on the one from earlier," Rachel said as she rested her head on my chest.
I asked her if she didn't mind, I was tired and was going to go upstairs and get ready for bed.
That's when Rachel pulled her head away and looked at me with a quizical look on her face. "Sweetheart, are you forgetting what day it is?"
I immediately realized what she meant and I quickly glanced at the calendar next to the refrigerator. It was the 30th, the last day of the month. "Oh, of course not dear. Silly me, I thought there were 31 days this month, my mistake.
Rachel smiled and brought her head back into my chest for one last squeeze. "Good darling. I'll get the journal and we'll get started then." She headed over to the desk in the hallway to get, THE JOURNAL.
The journal is where my lovely wife tracks my behavior each month. It keeps a running tally of my mistakes and bad decisions. If I am disrespectful to my wife or any woman for that matter, it goes in the book. If I forget to take out the garbage, it goes in the book. If I even curse...well, you get the idea.
On the last day of every month we have an audit of my behavior. Good and bad and that's when Rachel decides on what punishments or "corrective measures," if any, need to be taken.
Our marriage wasn't always this way. We've been married for a little over 7 years and we both kind of had that 7 year itch everyone always talks about. Actually, it was more of a 4 year itch.
Things hadn't been good between us for a few years. It was the same old story, couldn't get on the same page about sex, money, friends, etc. We tried some traditional marriage counseling but it didn't help. We were at the point that we were considering a trial seperation.
That's when Rachel started doing alot of research on line. She read some articles about women who had saved their marriages by taking control of them. She was intrigued, but most of the stuff she was finding was the over the top, femdom type information. She felt a lot of the things they pushed were actually more work for the wife, than the husband. She didn't want to have to be on me constantly, giving orders, making every decision. It all seemed exhausting to her to be quite honest.
Then she stumbled on the writings of Dr. Penelope Harnisch. Her approach was a little different. It wasn't about dominating your husband, it was about creating an environment where your husband wanted to become a better man. Where he would make the right decisions for himself, instead of the wife being burdened with making all his decisions for him. My wife liked the way that sounded and ordered her book. A book that has now become Rachel's personal Bible.
One of the main techniques Dr. Harnisch advocated was cataloguing the activities of the husband each month. Ideally, the husband would actively participate and self report any misdeeds to the wife, to then be documented. At the end of each month, the wife and husband would review what had occurred. This would also allow the husband to explain himself and to also bring up any good things he did. Afterwards, the wife would decide on what corrective measures, as Dr. Harnisch called them, would or would not be taken.
Now, every couple is different and Dr. Harnisch points that out. What is acceptable in one relationship may not be acceptable in another. It's something that the wife and husband have to decide on for themselves.
The same goes for corrective measures. Dr. Harnisch is not a big believer in physical discipline, though she admits it has its place. She is more an advocate of psychological punishments because they have an immediate effect on the husband's mental and emotional state. To control a man's emotions, allows you to control the man she says. In her book she gives several examples to support her beliefs and act as a guide for wives and girlfriends. She believes that if done properly, the corrective measures will allow the husband to "see the light" so to speak. He will begin making the right choices in life and become a better partner in his relationship.
After reading her book, Rachel sat me down and we had a long talk. She told me about the program and said it was a last ditch effort to save our marriage. Either we went all in on this or we both needed to get lawyers.
My initial thought was, "why is it me that has to improve, what about her?" Rachel was of course ready for that question, since it is the most commonly asked one by husbands.
As per Dr. Harnisch's book, Rachel had compiled a list of mistakes and other transgressions I had made over the previous two years. From forgetting birthdays and anniversaries, to flirting with other women, to staying out all night with the guys and not telling her. She remembered everything! Rachel then asked me to make my own list of things she had done...and honestly, I couldn't come up with much. Not having sex with me on demand, is not really something you want to list as a complaint when trying to save your marriage.
To say I was skeptical about this whole program would be an incredible understatement. I thought she was just delaying the inevitable but I also did owe it to her and my marriage to give it a try. We really did love each other, we were just at a point where stubbornness and hurt had taken over. When I told her I would do it she was thrilled. It was the happiest I had seen her in a long time and that made me feel good that she was happy.
A few days later, Rachel paid for a 45 minute teleconference with Dr. Harnisch and she helped Rachel finalize our 'marriage plan.'
That was 9 months ago and I have to say, it has helped our marriage. We have become much closer and there is no more talk of divorce. But I do dread these audits! As the months have gone on, Rachel has become more demanding in what she expects of me and more strict with her punishments.
