You have a presence. I know you are here, even when I haven't seen you yet. I came looking for you. I didn't have to be at this convention this time, but I knew you were going to be here, so I came. I am surrounded by men and women dressed in their best business attire. Doing their best to look important, looking like they have a purpose, and most appearing stuffy, misplaced. All crowding my space as I make my way through the throng of people. Jostling, bumping and blocking my view.
Cursing genetics for my small size, I thank the invention of high heels. They give me just the slightest edge to see over these people as I make my way toward your table. I scan the faces sitting there and find yours missing. My heart sinks, I ask the questioning eyes at your table and they confirm you are gone. I question your group again in disbelief, as the frustration is setting in. I know you are supposed to be here. I can feel you are still here. They again tell me you are gone.
"Gone where? He is supposed to be here?" I am trying to sound casually business like, but I know the frustrated confusion is coming through in my voice. I must look distraught because a large, older man stands up and takes pity on me. He places his hand on my shoulder.
"Pete, had to leave, he was called back home this morning. We are not expecting him back. Do you want me to give him a message?" His look of concern tells me I need to get a hold of myself.
"Ah... no that's okay" I swallow back the crushed dismay in my throat. "I will catch up with him later. Thank you."I turn in the nick of time to blink back tears.
You can't be gone. Sadness sets in. I can still feel you here. Confusion sets in. You can't have left yet! Why the hell didn't you tell me? Anger sets in. Wait, you can't be gone yet, I know I can feel your presence. Where are you? Frustration takes over again.
The lights start to dim as people take their seats. I am not watching this stupid presentation again. I march out of the convention room and storm down the hall. My emotions are on high as I dig furiously through my purse to find my phone, I have to get a hold of you. Frustrated with you for not telling me you had to leave and irritated with me for coming all this way to see you, when you don't even have the decency to tell me you are leaving. Confused, because I am sure you would tell me, right? Angry, because I am confused. Confused, because I can still feel you. You have to still be here.