The setting sun flooded the E.R. with a dull reddish glow. Dakota ran his hand through his freshly trimmed hair and scratched his stubbly chin. He was carrying a tray of coffees as he entered through the patient entrance to get a sense of how bad it was. He was shocked by how eerily empty it was.
He got to the triage desk and found it marked with a sign that due to staffing issues the ER was closed. He ripped the sign down and continued to walk through to the back.
"Blondie, get out front. There is no one out there." He said handing her a coffee. "There is cream and sugar in the bag."
"Didn't you get the email? The ER doctors are protesting some bullshit. They've called a sickout." Agnes said grabbing a coffee and a fistful of sugar packets. "Dayshift nurses are talking of joining them but we are too fungible. The hospital would just shift us around. That's why we don't have a triage nurse."
Cheyenne walked in and grabbed a coffee out of Dakota's hands. "Email? Who does that shit. If they want me I carry a pager."
Agnes cast a side eye at the pager and ran a hand over her grey hair. "That shit is older than I am."
"If it was good enough for grandpa..."
"What's a pager?" Blondie asked.
"Yeah old woman. What's a pager?" Dakota said turning to Cheyenne.
"That's it. No lube for you." Cheyenne said stroking an imaginary phallus.
Blondie blushed and rushed out front. Dakota got on the phone to alert 911 that they were taking ambulances. The night was fairly quiet as the news had reported that people in need of medical assistance should go to other hospitals.
Around 10pm Blondie came back. "I am sending foreign object in the rectum into exam 1. I didn't ask but $10 on 4" white. Cheyenne, I'll also take the side bet."
Everyone looked at the couple coming in. A brother and sister pair of "Frequent Fliers" were walking nervously back to the exam room.
Agnes chimed in "$5 12" black"
Dakota thought a bit and said "Purple in a funky shape, dragon dick. $20"
Cheyenne paused and rubbed her abdomen, "$5 on pink, 6". Side bet is on."
Cheyenne followed the couple back into the room and came out with a pinky sized vibrator. "You bitch, you knew it was in the girl."
Blondie laughed. "So did you." She slid a hand down her scrub pants and said "I am so going to enjoy this."
Cheyenne winked and responded, "twice"
Blondie led the couple out to perform some paperwork and told them how her mother the lawyer told her and her siblings, "Anal and pegging for that matter, don't count as incest in this state. Keep it to the butt stuff and it's legal."
The couple blushed and she handed them a pamphlet on safe anal sex.
Cheyenne pulled Blondie aside, "Your mother told you?"
"She and my brother were close."
"He was only close to her?"
"I don't yuck others yums, but it's just not for me."
"Incest?"
"Anal. I'd let him eat me out any day of the week and twice on Sundays" Blondie said with a wistful smile as she headed back to the front.
The night wore on and things started to pick up, There was a car accident with major traumas that tied up both Cheyenne and Dakota, followed by a severe case of alcohol poisoning that led to a college student being placed on a ventilator.
"I'm sending an email." Cheyenne said as she started to type. Her tongue was sticking out the side of her mouth and she had a frustrated look of concentration.
Dakota looked at her warily.
"What's it going to say?"
"Dunno, ER open until judgement day, yada yada, lives are more important, yada yada, 18 hour shifts, yada yada."
"I'm down for 18 hour shifts for the next thirty years or so then retire to a private island." Dakota said.
Cheyenne nodded, "You, me, and Blondie's kids."
"Don't I get a say in this?" Blondie interjected.
"Will you fuck him anytime he asks and occasionally ask yourself?"
"Um... Yes..."
"Will you occasionally do it when one or both of you are too drunk to think of condoms?"
"No!"
"Let me change the question. Are you going to get so drunk you fuck him without condoms, again?" Cheyenne asked staring pointedly.
Blondie shook her head.
"Then you have made your choice. You continue on the way you're going in 5-10 years you'll squeeze out three or four little ones that will unfortunately feature Dakota's nose with half of them having his undersized penis."
Dakota's jaw dropped.
Blondie complained, "He has a good sized penis."
Agnes walked over and grabbed Dakota by the root. She massaged it briefly. "A grower not a shower. 60th percentile."
"You've felt enough erect penises to percentile them?" Cheyenne stammered, confused.
"Catheters. They don't go in well soft."
"70 maybe 75." Blondie confirmed. "And guys never complain about a little fluffing."
Dakota felt vindicated and Cheyenne wandered off to a patient when Blondie whispered in his ear. "50. Tragically normal, but perfectly fine."
Around midnight things calmed, Cheyenne asked Dakota, "6am to midnight or midnight to 6pm?"
"Midnight to six. See you at dawn and bring me coffee bitch" Dakota said.
"You like the milkshakes right, bitch?"
Dakota swatted her ass with a loud sound. "A red eye works."
She looked back at him with a smile.
As the night was dragging on Agnes snuck up on Dakota and grabbed his ass. "That's nice." She said caressing his taught muscle. "Come into exam 3 and I'll get you a B12." Her hand moved around to the front and she added and maybe a BJ."
He followed her into the exam room and she didn't entirely close the curtain. He realized at that point that that particular exam room faced down the hallway to the rest of the hospital, through a door that was normally closed. A door that Blondie was working on blocking open.
Agnes kneeled before him he was looking down at her short gray hair when her hands pulled down his scrub pants revealing that he had been going commando that day.
She looked up at him, her brown eyes locking on his green. She stuck out her tongue and licked the underside of his penis taking the head into her mouth. She twisted her head but kept eye contact. The wrinkles around her eyes grew deeper with concentration. Dakota finally broke contact as he looked up and shut his eyes. Agnes could give master classes on how to give a blow job. She varied speed, heat, moisture and pressure. Her tongue was a marvel of precision as she massaged his glans. She tapped the vertical slit of the opening and at Dakota's peak of passion, she edged a tooth along it.
Right as he unloaded his cum into her mouth he felt a sharp pinch in his ass as Agnes injected the B12. He was shocked back to reality as he saw the bulk on the overnight staff watching and clapping. He pulled up his pants and shook his head.
Cheyenne was in bright and early with coffees. Dakota took his and drank it greedily. He felt the word brighten as the coffee powered its way through the fog. He was more tired than normal. He knew that it was because he was looking at another 12 hours in the hot seat.
