Chapter 1: Auditions
I felt it as soon as I saw the article in the weekly local newspaper. It wasn't exactly a lump in the throat, more like butterflies in the tummy. Well, warm butterflies anyway that slowly spread through my whole body. And not really starting in my tummy, maybe just a little lower.
The article was just a short announcement that a nearby community theater was holding auditions the next week for their fall musical. I had been in a few plays in high school but hadn't really considering trying out for something this year. After all, I had just transferred to a different college and was getting ready to start my sophomore year in a new town and in my own apartment, far from family and friends. But as soon as I saw that article, I knew I'd have to audition. The play was "Gypsy," and not only had that been one of my favorite musicals growing up, but it played right into one of my favorite fantasies...imagining I was a stripper! I love dressing in a sexy outfit and then standing in front of a mirror in my room and bumping and grinding as I take off my clothes. As I read through the article, it suddenly occurred to me that this could be the perfect way to live out that fantasy.
The notice said that auditions would be held next Monday with callbacks later in the week, in a town about ten miles from campus. There would then be a month of rehearsals, three weekends of performances, with everything over before Thanksgiving. Perfect, I thought. No one will know me and the chances of anyone from college hearing about it were pretty slim. And without any real friends in town, I knew I'd have plenty of free time. And I also knew exactly the part I wanted: Louise the little girl who becomes Gypsy Rose Lee. That way, I would get to sing Let Me Entertain You while taking off my clothes in front of hundreds of strangers.
The next Monday all I could think about was the audition. Yes, I was very nervous but that never stops me. When it comes to auditioning, I don't look at the people because that makes me more nervous, so I just pretend that there is a wall in front of me. That helps me a lot. Of course there's the saying "if you get nervous, picture the audience naked," but in this case I had a different picture in mind – the audience imagining me naked! But I tried not to think about that.
The audition didn't start that well since everyone else seemed to know each other and were standing and chatting. A few people politely introduced themselves but then went back to talking with their friends. Finally, the assistant director came by to ask a few questions.
"Name?"
"Nikki Morales"
Hi Nikki, where are you from?" I explained that I was just starting my sophomore year at the nearby college, and then answered some other basic questions, including the role or roles I was auditioning for. When I said "Louise," he looked up from his clipboard briefly, then flipped through a couple of sheets of paper and said, "ah, then I have a couple of extra questions." The questions seemed a little surprising: age (19), height (5 foot 7), weight (128 pounds, I answered, giving myself the benefit of a couple of future workouts at the gym), and measurements (I hesitated just a minute before saying 34-24-35).
"And cup size?" he added, just a little awkwardly. Without thinking, I almost gave the answer I've given to almost every guy who's asked me that, namely, "none of your business," but remembered how much I really wanted this part. "Um, B cup, 34B." "And," he said as he jotted down a few last notes, "I see you're a brunette with brown eyes. I guess that's all I need for now," and he moved on to the next girl.
When my turn came, I sang the song I had been practicing, spent a few minutes with the choreographer going over some basic dance routines, and then was given four or five pages containing lines to practice for each of the lead roles in case I got a call back. I flipped through it on my way to the car and was a little surprised to see that the lines for Louise were not a scene with another actor. Instead they were a monologue that she delivers to the audience in the middle of her big strip scene. Hmmm, I thought, I really hope I make this first cut.
I got an email the next night inviting me back on Thursday. I was totally excited until I got there and saw my competition. Two other girls had also been asked back to read for Louise. I recognized one as Jennifer, the girl who had introduced herself to me the other night. She had grown up in the town, gone away to college, and had just moved home after graduation. Everyone from the theater group seemed to know her, and I heard someone say that she had been in five of their productions in the past. Not a good sign for me, the new kid in town. And my heart sunk further when I heard the other girl, Samantha, sing a bit. She had a beautiful, professionally trained voice that seemed significantly better than anyone else's I had heard at Monday's auditions.
I had worn a cute skirt and top, and just before getting called in to read my lines, I totally focused on my fantasy of stripping in public. I could feel the energy flowing and the butterflies starting. As I entered the other room, the director got up from the table and introduced himself, and then went around and introduced the three women with him as the music director, the producer, and someone he referred to as the president of the board. Just my luck, I thought – only one guy in the group! But it was too late to change my plans now, so I launched into the lines we'd been asked to deliver, the speech that Gypsy delivers to the audience.
"Some man accused me of being an ecdysiast. Do you know what that means? Do you? Do you? Oh, you do! Aha! He's embarrassed! Don't be embarrassed...I like men without hair! An ecdysiast is one who, or that which, sheds its skin. In vulgar parlance: a stripper. But I'm not a stripper! At these prices, I'm an ecdysiast."
As I delivered the speech, I slowly unbuttoned my top and untucked it from skirt, giving the group a peek at my best lacy bra and just a glimpse of my bare tummy. I finished with a little flourish, raising my arms with my hands outstretched so my shirt pulled a little further apart.
The polite silence that followed, with a brief, "thank you, Ms. Morales, you can take a seat outside" suddenly sapped all of my confidence. I awkwardly buttoned up and left the room, feeling I had totally blown the audition. I was in no mood to talk to anyone, so I pulled out one of my textbooks and started to read. I didn't want this to be a complete waste of an evening, I thought.
I sat there for about a half hour while they auditioned some guys for Herbie, the male lead, and then the two finalists for Mama Rose, which is the real starring role in the play. They appeared to quickly settle on their choices for Rose and Herbie but then huddled together in the audition room talking in hushed tones but in obvious disagreement with one another. Finally, after a few minutes, the president broke away from the others and came over to me. Putting her arm around my shoulder, she said "Nikki, let's find a quiet place talk." We went down a hallway and into an empty room, turned on the light, and sat down. "Why don't you pull up a chair down, dear? I need to have a little heart to heart with you."
"I'm going to be perfectly honest with you, which sometimes can be a mistake. But I think you're a big girl and can handle this. So, let's be frank. Do you know what the board of directors do in a community theater," she asked. I had to confess that I really had no idea other than show up at some rehearsals and that the president usually welcomes people at the start of each performance.
She chuckled and said, "Well, yes, that's all true, and as the president I will be there every night." But I'm also responsible for making sure the theater stays in business, that we raise enough money and earn enough from our performances to cover our costs and have a little in reserve so we can plan for our next season. And I don't mind telling you that it gets harder every year to do that."
"That's one of the reasons we chose to do Gypsy. It's a popular musical, it's got a good sized cast, which means that parents and relatives and friends buy tickets and show up. And it's also got a bit of sex in it. I mean, after all, it is about a stripper. And you've auditioned for the part of the stripper."
I blushed a little and felt that same warm tingly feeling I had felt when I first read the audition notice. I wanted to look away, but my actress instincts told me to look at her right in the face.
"I've advised the director and producer to be a little more, um, how should I say this, adventurous with this play, to try some things that aren't usually done and that may surprise the audience a bit. That should generate some buzz, some word of mouth, and some ticket sales. Maybe even some repeaters, people who will come to see the show two or three times. And that's where you come in."