How did I get myself into this situation?
I found myself in a relationship with a girl named Becca. Becca was a cute, flirtatious redhead with a killer body. Petite and lithe, she was thin, flexible, and generally the type of girl you could fling about during sex. Just place her wherever you wanted her. And, she was willing to be placed anywhere. She was a willing and eager partner. She was also smart, and could hold her own in conversations on many a topic.
The problem was, despite the fact that she was smart, funny, and screwed like a Tasmanian devil after an Ecstasy and Red Bull smoothie, I just didn't have strong feelings for her. It was, in fact, more than a slightly arguable point that she was far more attractive than I guy like me should be with.
What was it?
Well, more to the point, who? I was still carrying the torch for a girl name Danni. She was cute, flirty, and my neighbor. And coworker, although we didn't work directly together any longer. Things got a little too intense between her and I, and she saw fit to put some distance between us.
And, although it shouldn't enter in to it, the idea that I only wanted to be with Danni certainly did enter in to it. She was dating someone else. She wasn't "available" to me because she was dating someone else. And, even if she was available, who knows if she even wanted to date me? So, if I did break up with Becca, chances were good I'd be alone.
So, I kind of went through the motions with Becca. I know that sounds bad, being with someone only to avoid being alone, but that's how I felt about it. The only thing that was really missing in our relationship was a spark. Otherwise, on paper, it was a beautiful equation. She seemed far more in to me than I her. Despite not being in to her, I was still in her frequently enough. What was my problem; couldn't I just sit back and enjoy things?
We had been seeing each other for about 6 weeks. It was late summer. This means it was warm, passions ran hot, and clothing was less, ahem, cumbersome. Despite all of these factors, I was seriously considering breaking it off with Becca. It just didn't seem fair to her to keep her around, going out, spending the night with each other if I knew it wasn't going anywhere. I resolved that I should take care of it that Friday night, when we went out.
Our dates at this point, had moved beyond the "wow her with a fancy place with cloth napkins and a wine list" to "Pizza and a Movie OK with you?" We were sitting at a local pizza place, half way through a pitcher and a pie.
Another good thing about Becca is we could agree on pizza toppings. I tended to follow the "No F" rule for pizza toppings: No Fish, No Fruit, and No Fungus. She could easily live within those guidelines. Yet one more reason why I felt bad about having to break it off with her, albeit about as minor a reason as one could get.
I fell quiet towards the end of our meal, wanting to bring up an ugly topic, but not having the right moment to steer the conversation down that path.
After dinner, we headed to her place, mostly in silence. I pulled in to Becca's apartment complex. It was about 10:00pm. I had tried at various points to bring up what was on my mind on the way back here, but Becca seemed immune to that discussion. I honestly didn't think she was avoiding it, or even knew that my heart wasn't in it. It was just every time I'd start a prelude to the topic of "us", the discussion would change direction instantly, like a school of small fish in a Jacques Cousteau documentary.
I pulled in to one of the guest parking spots near her apartment, and turned off my car. I looked at her, and she leaned in for a kiss. We kissed a little, and things started to get more involved. I was trying to pull away, and she was trying to check my tonsils for signs of inflammation.
"Hey there Tiger, hang on one second," I finally got a word in when she came up for air.
"What? I was just getting started," she protested.
"I want to talk... talk about us for a second," I started.
"Nope."
"What do you mean, 'nope?'"
"It's pretty self-explanatory. Nope. No talking right now. Less talking, more kissing!" she started in again.
"Hang on a bit, I really need to get something out," I tried again.
She stopped. "So do I. I need to get your dick out of your pants, right now." She started to try to undo my cargo shorts, which was tough because I was sitting down and all sorts of things were in the way like seat belts and steering wheels.
"Um, that wasn't what I had in mind... No really, can you JUST STOP for one minute!"